Love After Life

I felt better than yesterday most of the day, I think I just got tired at the end and got a little wonky.  Gerra visited.  Talked about what we’re going through with regard to our feelings about Irene. It's nice to have someone to talk openly about it. Did my sessions.  I actually like doing them.  I remember back in my Sant Mat days I hated meditating - I would basically have to force myself to meditate.  I have difficulty focusing, but I still want to meditate, and I feel like I'm doing what I need to.

This morning I woke up and went directly to work – something I had told myself yesterday was what I needed to start doing because that is how I’ve always been able to work well and feel satisfied about it. I got up feeling very good, and just felt better and better as time went by. I’m going to write myself a letter to read back to myself whenever I start going wonky to reinforce the fact that when I start feeling that way, it is not an illusion or a self-deception that I have experienced long runs of time where I am absolutely happy, whole, fulfilled, joyful, and feel totally, ecstatically connected to Irene. We can absolutely find an ongoing state of being, her in that world and me in this one, for as long as I am still here, where I feel blissfully connected to her and full of love, joy, and light, motivated with purpose and value and meaning. I am not kidding myself, fooling myself or misrepresenting the sensations and feelings. The experience is real and apparently when I ...