Saturday, June 10, 2017 Letter From Irene

This morning I woke up and went directly to work – something I had told myself yesterday was what I needed to start doing because that is how I’ve always been able to work well and feel satisfied about it. I got up feeling very good, and just felt better and better as time went by. I’m going to write myself a letter to read back to myself whenever I start going wonky to reinforce the fact that when I start feeling that way, it is not an illusion or a self-deception that I have experienced long runs of time where I am absolutely happy, whole, fulfilled, joyful, and feel totally, ecstatically connected to Irene.

We can absolutely find an ongoing state of being, her in that world and me in this one, for as long as I am still here, where I feel blissfully connected to her and full of love, joy, and light, motivated with purpose and value and meaning. I am not kidding myself, fooling myself or misrepresenting the sensations and feelings. The experience is real and apparently when I go wonky I do not have the ability to recall those feelings, so I need to write myself a letter about it.

I started writing myself a letter, then I was overwhelmed and felt that Irene wanted to write me a letter because she wouldn't let me start it off with "Bill", but insisted I start it off with "Lover", which is what she always called me, and this is what came out:

Lover,

There is a blissful, happy state that you have felt several times since I left the physical. During these times you feel 100% connected to me, without any doubt, grief, fear or sorrow. During these times you feel so joyful, complete and connected with me it is indescribable and makes our hearts explode with love and completeness and clears away all doubt. It is something that your mind cannot accept when you are feeling bad and it tries to persuade you out of your knowledge and memory of this. You know how these negative feelings and entities try to hurt and confuse us when we are moving forward – don’t let them stop you! You’re doing great! We are on this train together in “perfect accord”. I will never, ever leave you. You know this – you are my soul mate, baby, my always. Our reality is better than the fantasy! I am so proud of you, lover. I know it is hard but this is going to get better and better, easier and easier – I promise! - Irene

I have felt so happy today since that letter. 

Ivori called me and told me she had a dream about Irene, that Irene was sitting crosslegged in a field of flowers, smiling almost laughing, with a wreath of flowers on her head and had her arms open to Ivori. She’s going to tell me more tomorrow. 

I’ve been seeing this cardinal and another orange-beaked bird flying in unison to the feeder right outside the window today, getting food, then flying off together. I looked the other bird up and apparently it’s a female cardinal, just one like I’ve never seen before. This is the first day I’ve seen them fly in together, eat together and leave together – it’s the only way I figured out that other bird must be a cardinal. I think it’s Irene’s way of showing me that we are together and working together and are in “perfect accord”.

As Robert, Shanna and Khloe left, one of those black and yellow “Irene” butterflies flew a couple of feet in front of us across our path. I haven’t seen one in days.