Love After Life

I had a new experience with Irene the other day.  I'm not going to describe it since it was very personal and intimate, but what I will say is this: I got a taste of how making love feels in what we call "the afterlife." It was completely unexpected and overwhelming.  There is far more emotional sensation involved, of a much more vibrant quality, than anything we experienced in this world.  I'll leave it at that. What has had my attention lately is the coffee I set out for Irene every day.  Something to understand is that I make the coffee the exact same way every day, and the coffee sits in the same room in the exact same physical environment every day.  Same ceiling fan, same air conditioner, etc.  It sits on the same coaster at the same angle at the same location on the same coffee table.  Now, if the milk I use in her coffee is old, that affects the drawings that appear in it in a predictable way - they get smudgier.  In the beginning - th...

8:00 a.m. So, after writing up this whole post about how I'm going to refine my technique and set up a schedule, I just did a visualization meditation where I visualize interacting with Irene and she let me know I'm overthinking it again.  I'm always trying to fix things that aren't really broken, always trying to improve things that are really working just fine.  Just let go of expectations and do what feels right. 3:00 pm. I think the summer heat and humidity is really doing a number on me - it does every year.  I am really messed up today. I've been battling fear and doubt and confusion all day long.  I don't understand these emotions or where they come from.  I'm thinking all sorts of things that have never even entered my mind before - negative and hurtful things.  I've already meditated sitting and lying down several times just to try and get a handle on it.  It's weird because it's nowhere near as hot today outside - I should be better...

Woke up feeling great!! What a great, great day yesterday!!! I’m still charged up and so blown away by that video.  I definitely feel like I’m on the exact right track.  I do a 30 minute session after morning prayers, get up and go to work in my office, and for the next few hours I’m in bliss – I can feel Irene in my heart and head. I’m beyond happy, I’m goofy happy, complete and joyful, we’re cracking jokes and talking about stuff we’ve been through and are going through, we talk about yesterday. I play the “I can’t wait” song and it repeats by itself (even though my player is set to “randomize”).  I stop it after the second play and applaud her for making it repeat. We have some more fun and I play the song again, but it doesn’t repeat, an Exile song starts up. Now, Irene is a big Exile fan but I’m not. I think about stopping it but tell her “okay, but just this one, I’m not going to sit through an album’s worth of Exile songs.  Anyway the guy uses the phras...

I had such a good day yesterday!  I am feeling better and better, more and more confident in our new relationship, in the tools I have to handle emotional problems  and in my new life direction.  What else can I do but follow and pursue what I really love?  Last night I started missing Irene and I said out loud, “I’m starting to feel sad and missing you, baby.” … and it was like someone just waved their hand and removed it from me.  I told Irene what I experienced, and validated it and thanked her.  It was amazing!  I probably don’t have to actually tell her out loud like I do, but I love talking to her out loud anyway and it can’t hurt. I was also thinking last night about how much time I spend meditating and what I'm actually trying to accomplish – making that hyper-real contact with Irene and heaven that NDEers and other spiritual practitioners talk about. I want to spend more time actually meditating for that purpose. This morning I meditated ...

This morning I woke up and went directly to work – something I had told myself yesterday was what I needed to start doing because that is how I’ve always been able to work well and feel satisfied about it. I got up feeling very good, and just felt better and better as time went by. I’m going to write myself a letter to read back to myself whenever I start going wonky to reinforce the fact that when I start feeling that way, it is not an illusion or a self-deception that I have experienced long runs of time where I am absolutely happy, whole, fulfilled, joyful, and feel totally, ecstatically connected to Irene. We can absolutely find an ongoing state of being, her in that world and me in this one, for as long as I am still here, where I feel blissfully connected to her and full of love, joy, and light, motivated with purpose and value and meaning. I am not kidding myself, fooling myself or misrepresenting the sensations and feelings. The experience is real and apparently when I ...