Love After Life

I'm writing Irene letters more often now. Instead of hand-writing them, which is a very painstaking process for me that usually ends up taking several days, I just type them up using the computer and then hand-write or draw on them. I'm also sending her portions of the new book with the letters. It makes the process easier and less daunting and she said it's totally fine.  I realize she knows most of the stuff I'm writing her about, but that's not the point; I just enjoy it and she enjoys getting letters from me. It helps empower the connection. We had our first Zoom meeting for Your Eternal Romantic Relationship and I thought it went really well. I felt far more comfortable in that group than I do in the automatic writing group. It will be interesting to see how it develops. There were about 6 people there, not including the hosts. The same transdimensional things have been occurring - signs from Irene, confirmations, visualizations, hypnagogic activit...

8:00 a.m. So, after writing up this whole post about how I'm going to refine my technique and set up a schedule, I just did a visualization meditation where I visualize interacting with Irene and she let me know I'm overthinking it again.  I'm always trying to fix things that aren't really broken, always trying to improve things that are really working just fine.  Just let go of expectations and do what feels right. 3:00 pm. I think the summer heat and humidity is really doing a number on me - it does every year.  I am really messed up today. I've been battling fear and doubt and confusion all day long.  I don't understand these emotions or where they come from.  I'm thinking all sorts of things that have never even entered my mind before - negative and hurtful things.  I've already meditated sitting and lying down several times just to try and get a handle on it.  It's weird because it's nowhere near as hot today outside - I should be better...

Irene, There are times when I get pretty sad. Now is one of those times - I'm sure you know.  I think what makes me the most sad is that I miss "us" - the two of us together, who we are together, who we are to other people when we are together.  I know we are still together, but I miss others interacting with you.  You always have a way of making pleasant conversation, making smart-aleck comments, laughing and saying what other people try to stop themselves from saying.  I miss holding your hand and sitting beside you.  I miss doing things for you, like opening the door of the car or getting you a drink or buying you something silly or fun when we go to a store.  I miss our little glances and and knowing grins.  I miss your voice so much. I'm doing all I can, baby, to find my way to you, to bring us closer.  Every day, it's my mission in life to be able to see you, feel you, and hear you.  For the most part, I'm good and getting better, b...

Woke up feeling really good, got a good session in this morning.  One of the things I’m trying to keep in mind is that it is not necessary to feel like I’m in constant contact with Irene.  It’s perfectly fine to continue on doing things in life in a normal way without constantly envisioning her with me or having a conversation with her.  There’s no need to feel guilty or like I’m failing her or forgetting her if I actually concentrate on other things for awhile.  We will have our time every day where I can talk with her or envision her or just “feel” her presence, and hopefully there will be a time when I can actually  experience her in perfect clarity. Joined a couple of grief groups on Facebook and made a post in each, then started reading.  Afterward I had to cry – I think I took on some of their pain, and these people are in serious, unrelenting despair and agony.    I came away very, very grateful for all of the grace, protection and lo...

This morning I woke up and went directly to work – something I had told myself yesterday was what I needed to start doing because that is how I’ve always been able to work well and feel satisfied about it. I got up feeling very good, and just felt better and better as time went by. I’m going to write myself a letter to read back to myself whenever I start going wonky to reinforce the fact that when I start feeling that way, it is not an illusion or a self-deception that I have experienced long runs of time where I am absolutely happy, whole, fulfilled, joyful, and feel totally, ecstatically connected to Irene. We can absolutely find an ongoing state of being, her in that world and me in this one, for as long as I am still here, where I feel blissfully connected to her and full of love, joy, and light, motivated with purpose and value and meaning. I am not kidding myself, fooling myself or misrepresenting the sensations and feelings. The experience is real and apparently when I ...