Love After Life

Early on, I realized something that was triggering my grief was an emotional sensation whenever I felt Irene or focused on her. There would be an instant of this really beautiful feeling, immediately followed by indescribable grief. As time went on, I learned to focus on that first feeling as the grief was taken away by other practices we've talked about and have materials on - affirmations, imagination, visualization and techniques involving meditation. As the grief subsided there were other psychological issues to deal with just because there was no information, structure out there that would have helped me understand what I was going through. I would feel panic and guilt that I was "moving on", or that I was losing connection, or that she might think I didn't love her as much, or that I was dishonoring our relationship somehow. It's not at all rational, but it's not exactly a rational experience.  We worked through those things into the confident...

We've finally had a break in the heat as Fall approaches.  I'm feeling even more connected to Irene, happy and blissfully content.  Last night and this morning I was telling Irene that I must have gotten to the point where my subconscious has become greatly in line with the continuation of our relationship because there's no other way to account for my ongoing excitement and enthusiasm about us going forward. If, somewhere in my subconscious, I felt like Irene was "gone", or I felt like I was lying to myself about our relationship, I would certainly feel miserable. The only reason anything in life mattered to me before she crossed over, or was enjoyable at all, was my connection to Irene.  Meeting her and being with her changed everything about my perspective, but that was always dependent on having her with me.  Just being in contact with her would melt away all angst and worry and fill me with peace and a sense of equanimity. That's what I have been feel...

My second meditation yesterday was focused on simply allowing, accepting and receiving whatever information - or no information - came my way during that time.  I try to keep my mind relatively clear and not intend or deliberately imagine.  At one point an HE (hypnagogic experience) played out where Irene and I were laying on what was like a clear ground of glass and looking down at me as I did something in an office somewhere - it looked like I was in a police station of some sort looking for someone who worked there. As the day went on I felt very confident and realized that I had made the decision to become even more fully committed to our adventure - the adventure of me trying to have a more complete experience with her.  Not because I needed it due to sorrow or grief, but rather because I have discovered it is my "calling" - I find joy, excitement and enthusiasm in this pursuit. It makes me both want to get out of bed in the morning and go to bed at night. While ...

Update 7-22-2018 On Friday, July 20, 2018, we achieved our goal of having a completely real astral visitation with each other. It was amazing!  I never lost consciousness transitioning from this dimension to the one where we are together.  The conversation we were having telepathically in our bed here flowed seamlessly into my actually being in a room, sitting next to her, having that same conversation with her.  Although I was conscious when my experiential scene flipped from lying in bed to sitting on a couch in a room next her, it took me several minutes to become fully cognizant of the fact that I was actually feeling the couch, actually seeing her and everything else (including my own hands when I gestured while talking).  I could hear her voice and mine. You can read more about it starting here. (Updated 12-18-2017 - WJM - New Sequential Post Archive Started & Book Now Available on Amazon) I have posted my book,  "Love After Life," so it can...

Felt absolutely great this morning, and that's after a full day of having family over. No  6 pm mood swing, no crash after they left, no panic from only getting in one 15 minute meditation all day.  I woke up feeling great - meaning, very happy, connected to Irene, whole.  It felt like we had established a whole new level of "normal" the past couple of days, where I'm feeling that we do actually have a tangible - in a way - interaction now, an interaction I can experience pretty much whenever I want. I meditated this morning and hit that "buzzed" sensation - now it felt like more of a range of vibrations of Irene that were very enjoyable.  When I meditated near noon I was in the buzzed vibration almost immediately and it was fantastic - I was able to visualize Irene easily and all my envisioned interactions with her carried with them a variation on that highly enjoyable connection vibration, as if there are different "tones" of that vibration.  I...

Today, so far, I've felt great - really great.  I feel so connected to Irene it's like a constant high.  Last night there was no 6:00 bad or sad mood - my great mood lasted all through until I fell asleep.  Today there won't be much time to meditate as I will be having people over almost all day, but I don't even feel concerned about it because of this sense of connection, wholeness and joy. Maybe it will last, maybe not, but I definitely want to make note of it.  Finding out that the "buzzed feeling" is contact with Irene has meant so much, I can't describe it.  It's put me so at ease, at least for now, that we've "done it" - we've made real contact.  I can just feel her with me now and I know how to make good contact with her.  I'm not sure what focusing on that contact sense will bring in the future, but for right now I'm feeling so good it's probably illegal. If I have time after the kids leave I'll write mo...

This morning I feel great again.  I feel like I've figured out some discipline I can use for when my brain starts getting fried.  A couple of good ideas came to me this morning having to do with the blog and the other was about some good Pinterest memes which I've started on. I guess collecting the Pinterest memes and images that resonate with me is a good exercise in intention and finding that which resonates with my vibrational frequency.  I love collecting the ones that remind me of our astral life, home, world and exemplify our relationship - both to ourselves and to the world. There may be some of you that think I'm going off the edge when I talk about realities and different dimensions, but I really don't know how else to characterize the things I've experienced and to reconcile that experience with the experiences of others. I don't know what this world - this reality is - but when you experience some of the bizarre "coincidences" I and ot...

Memory is also a great example of the tuning process I was talking about yesterday. Usually you can tune in with a simple intention, but sometimes it takes a while to find the memory you want.  Do you have any idea how you are sorting through neurons and brain cell pathways to "find" the memory - if, indeed, the brain is even where they are stored? No, you just focus, the best you can, on what memory you want.  When you don't know what the memory is, you're focusing on something else - like a sensation in your mind. This goes back to the exercise in the video I wrote about here that set this whole chain of events in motion, where he said to stare at your finger before you bend it at try to notice the sensation of "intending". I know exactly what that sensation is - I have it when I'm thinking about "what I should do" or write or draw or how to contact Irene; I can feel myself attempting to tune into a frequency where those things or the path ...

Another good morning ... feeling great, good prayer and mediation.  I've been affirming that it's okay to feel good, that it's good for both of us and our connection.  Finished up stage three of the self-guided exercises from AREI website and filled out their journal. Later in the evening, after walking the dogs, I started feeling something different - not quite sure what it is.  I think I may be feeling Irene's presence without the heart clutch sensation.  It's very subtle, like a change in the atmosphere for the better, very difficult to quantify.  Thinking about it, I haven't felt the heart clutch today.  My happiness seems fuller somehow. More tomorrow, dead tired right now.

I can't believe how great I feel today. I feel chemically transformed, like I'm someone new. I feel like a young man who just fell in love, like I did when Irene and I first met.  Thinking of her and joining her in the astral world fills me with such excitement and anticipation!  This is the feeling I had for those two weeks just after she died - the time of grace I was given to show me what our relationship could be like even with us in two different dimensions. I just didn't know what it was at the time or how it could possibly come to be real. Yet, here I am, feeling absolutely like the luckiest guy in the universe - I know who the love of my existence is; I know where she is; I know I'll be with her soon; I know we'll be able to spend eternity living our ideal life.  Unbelievable. It's really an amazing feeling. I had no expectation I could actually get to this point.  I don't know if it will last, but to be here and know it is a reality can, I think, ...

Another really good morning so far.  Last night around 8pm I had a really, really good meditation - I felt like I could just stay in that zone for hours.  I felt like my astral body was trying to leave several times. Envisioning Irene is getting easier.  This morning I prayed while envisioning her praying with me, sitting beside me, and it was great!!  Then I had another really good meditation where I felt like I was trying to leave my body several times. The image of us being on a tropical beach or in and around the pool at our home on the other side has been popping up continuously in my mind.  Collecting images for my various afterlife Pinterest boards is giving me all sorts of deeply resonating imagery.  I think that finding things that resonate with your afterlife is a very good method of supporting intention. It's like I am building a stronger basis for the frequency at which Irene and I operate in the afterlife, drawing us closer together and keepi...

I went to sleep last night thinking about sleep and how it is the perfect vehicle for astral traveling and projection. You are already going into a deep, relaxed state prone to altered forms of consciousness; you are in a perfectly relaxed position where your body is safe for hours to come; and I've read where you actually do astral travel almost every night to speak with your spirit guides - but you don't remember it.  Also, in my case, I've already had a couple of fully conscious vision events after falling asleep. This morning I woke up feeling great, happy, and like I was perfectly balanced.  I could feel the emotion and appreciation in me again.  It's perfectly normal to miss Irene; I don't want that feeling to disappear.  I like the feeling of anticipation and excited longing to see her, hear her and hold her, and my appreciation for when we are together, just like any time we were apart in life.  My angst and rebellion is gone about why I'm still here...

Yesterday was a really good day - especially considering the day I had before.  I had really thought those kinds of grief attacks were a thing of the past.  I know I've got grief in me - I can feel it in my heart and throat at certain times every day. It's not like I've been trying to suppress it; it just flashes for a second or two, then subsides. Yesterday I had firmly in my mind what Irene said about overthinking everything, and assuming too much personal responsibility in trying to astral project and get to her.  I stopped thinking that outcomes to my efforts were in my hands - that I could figure them out or even help or hinder them. All I'm supposed to do is what is in front of me to do, and whatever I've signed up for here will unfold.  I set my intentions, say my affirmations and let it go, do what is in front of me and let go of everything else. As yesterday progressed I continued praying/affirming walking around with my hands on my chest and praying ou...

It's been a busy couple of days.  The kids got in at 2:00 am yesterday morning from their Colorado trip. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t.  I got lots of work done both for work and for this blog.  I knew it was going to be a challenge because they were going to be here most of the day yesterday and today Gerra & Jace will be here and we went into town to court to finish up the adult adoption. I wasn’t able to talk openly to Irene or my spirit team and I had decided not to bring Irene up in order to see how I would weather it.  Lately I’ve been feeling that what she and I are personally trying to accomplish is something best kept to ourselves unless asked and put on the blog for those who are interested or shared in interested groups.  I don’t want to “force” what we are doing or my methods on the family or anyone else.  That’s an old Sant Mat perspective – if others are interested, then speak; otherwise, let life go on here as normal. ...

Had a great day yesterday and having a great one today so far.  Little bit of a breakthrough in realizing that when I do a session I either immediately or eventually feel this emotional surge in my heart which I have mistaken for pain but it’s not – I think it’s how I’m sensing Irene now, and along with that emotional sensation a small portion of it is pain and sorrow that I think is just automatically generated by my physical/psychological addiction to her.   By closely monitoring the experience and going through it gradually I realize there’s a lot of joy and happiness and closeness to her, I just have to learn to separate the two and get over/past the pain part.  It leaves me feeling very satisfied and happy.  I’ve been staying pretty much at normal or above the past few days even though they have been very tiring, active and draining with several trips into town and several kids staying over.  I’m actually enjoying it more and more and feeling less an...

This morning I woke up and went directly to work – something I had told myself yesterday was what I needed to start doing because that is how I’ve always been able to work well and feel satisfied about it. I got up feeling very good, and just felt better and better as time went by. I’m going to write myself a letter to read back to myself whenever I start going wonky to reinforce the fact that when I start feeling that way, it is not an illusion or a self-deception that I have experienced long runs of time where I am absolutely happy, whole, fulfilled, joyful, and feel totally, ecstatically connected to Irene. We can absolutely find an ongoing state of being, her in that world and me in this one, for as long as I am still here, where I feel blissfully connected to her and full of love, joy, and light, motivated with purpose and value and meaning. I am not kidding myself, fooling myself or misrepresenting the sensations and feelings. The experience is real and apparently when I ...

Finished the day of well yesterday, woke up in kind of neutral state, skipped the morning session because I just didn’t feel it, recited my new “us” prayer and mantra phrases while walking the dogs and immediately felt more connected and happy.  Did my exercises, sat down to work feeling positive and happy and connected to Irene. While working I’ve been talking to Irene and repeating my new mantras, and I’ve been experiencing this ecstatic joy and happiness and total connection to her for a long time.  It feels insanely good, bringing tears to my eyes and laughter – it’s like I cannot even contain it. It's crazy how good I can feel spontaneously just doing normal things. It turned into one of those amazingly good, indescribable experiences.   Later in the day I felt some fear and doubt creep in, so I sat down in the new pose (facing where Irene used to sit)  and when I did saw a cardinal at the feeder in the window in front of me.  I did abou...

Had a good session in the morning.  Later after Gerra and Jace left, started feeling like I was sinking (it is a bit of a pattern) so I meditated a while and stopped it.  The rest of the day was normal to manageable. Towards the evening I was thinking about how much of a commitment I was going to make towards meditating and what my actual goal was – to actually reach Irene, or to make my existence here enjoyable and functional while I am here - meaning that while I might not actually be able to leave my body and join her in spirit/astral and interact with her there, I could at least keep our connection high, allowing me to get through the rest of this life as happily as possible. I fell asleep thinking about this.

I woke up feeling okay, had a really good morning session.  Was actually feeling really good until a bunch of family drama crashed me and injected all sorts of negative, self-destructive thoughts, then Irene soothed me and led me back to feeling pretty good, had a good meditation that included a lot of envisioning Irene.   Sometimes I just have to use the meditation to bond with her and not raising vibrational level so much. I have been worried about whether or not my relationships with some of the children will continue without Irene being here physically, but after a great talk with Mike after he got here today I realize that my fears and doubts about this are all just negative influences working on my insecurities. I rode with Mike over to Robert’s house and Gerra & Jace were there, and Irene & I had a great time – we were all talking and cracking jokes and having a good time.  Then Gerra took Mike & Jace and me to see Wonder Woman, and I wa...

Evening ended well yesterday, full session, was a little nervous around 6pm and after that I might have something negative going on but it never really surfaced.  Gerra got her new car deal (getting the actual car Wednesday) with a clear signal from Irene.  Woke up this morning feeling really good, had a good full session.  Day progressed well, did one more full session, only felt slightly off at one point after a family member came over and talked.  I’m thinking I’m going to need to put in a session every time after people visit just to make sure I clear out all emotions that are not my own. My sessions are not strict or formal - it depends on if I feel like doing something in particular first or just don't feel like doing something else yet.  Often I begin with just talking with Irene. We talk about the kids, grandkids and our great granddaughter, about our plans for the future; about things we went through here; I try to imagine what her life is lik...