Saturday, June 17, 2017 Gaining Confidence
Had a great day yesterday and having a great one
today so far. Little bit of a
breakthrough in realizing that when I do a session I either immediately or
eventually feel this emotional surge in my heart which I have mistaken for pain
but it’s not – I think it’s how I’m sensing Irene now, and along with that
emotional sensation a small portion of it is pain and sorrow that I think is
just automatically generated by my physical/psychological addiction to her.
By closely monitoring the experience and going through it gradually I realize there’s a lot of joy and happiness and closeness to her, I just have to learn to separate the two and get over/past the pain part. It leaves me feeling very satisfied and happy. I’ve been staying pretty much at normal or above the past few days even though they have been very tiring, active and draining with several trips into town and several kids staying over. I’m actually enjoying it more and more and feeling less and less “removed” from Irene during these visits and when getting tired/drained.
I'm feeling more confident about my ability to move forward and better deal with any withdrawal/grief episodes in the future. Being able to accept feeling "normal" and the message about releasing pain appear to be actually sinking in. It's one thing to intellectually accept something and another thing entirely for that knowledge to sink into your body and heart and be a part of who you are and what you do. Sometimes it takes a while for the knowledge to become an actual part of you, your feelings and behavior.
However, I notice I feel this momentary panic/gagging sensation in my throat at times when certain stray thoughts about Irene and our life here crosses my mind. There's no emotional pain, just a sense of gagging and slight panic. It lasts for a second or two. I need to figure out what that's about.
By closely monitoring the experience and going through it gradually I realize there’s a lot of joy and happiness and closeness to her, I just have to learn to separate the two and get over/past the pain part. It leaves me feeling very satisfied and happy. I’ve been staying pretty much at normal or above the past few days even though they have been very tiring, active and draining with several trips into town and several kids staying over. I’m actually enjoying it more and more and feeling less and less “removed” from Irene during these visits and when getting tired/drained.
I'm feeling more confident about my ability to move forward and better deal with any withdrawal/grief episodes in the future. Being able to accept feeling "normal" and the message about releasing pain appear to be actually sinking in. It's one thing to intellectually accept something and another thing entirely for that knowledge to sink into your body and heart and be a part of who you are and what you do. Sometimes it takes a while for the knowledge to become an actual part of you, your feelings and behavior.
However, I notice I feel this momentary panic/gagging sensation in my throat at times when certain stray thoughts about Irene and our life here crosses my mind. There's no emotional pain, just a sense of gagging and slight panic. It lasts for a second or two. I need to figure out what that's about.
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