Love After Life

Today has been pretty strange.  I think I must have picked something from somewhere - either a cold or someone's weird emotional condition.  My voice was deep like when I get sick, and there were times when I felt like I was getting some nasal stoppage, but so far that hasn't materialized. One thing after another kept interrupting everything I tried to do so at some point I just decided I wasn't going to fight against it - just take a day of and not try to analyze anything.  I think some days are just "take the day off" days, and this is one of them. Took a nap and going to bed early. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. Even though today wasn't all that bad, it was just a strange day to get through and I'm just too tired to parse any of it.  It feels like maybe yesterday and to day were just days to let things percolate under the surface, let the universe do its thing, and don't worry about it.

Today is going really well.  I'm feel pretty good and feel like I've got some things sorted out, which I want to list here to be able to look back on and read at later dates.  When I woke up I started telling myself the following: 1. Irene is fine - strong, safe, perfectly healthy and actively helping us from the afterlife.  We already won this life and we're halfway home now.  She is with you constantly and working to help you.  Have faith and trust in that. 2. Eventually, one way or another, you will be with her totally.  Be patient and strong. You might be able to astral project and visit her before you die; you might not. Either way, it won't be that long. 3. The most important thing to do is to establish your intentions and empower them with affirmations.  That is 99% of the work that needs to be done. 4. Pray every day - once in the morning, and then additionally as you feel so inclined. 5. Meditate as you feel inclined; you will feel i...

I put yesterday’s post about the coffee in the grief support group and got a very heartwarming response, but for whatever reason I got into a strange, negative mood – some sadness but mostly just this weird confusion and overall unhappiness, even some anger at still having to deal with this world. Did my full session routine yesterday and even added an extra meditation. Got up this morning feeling better, had a good morning meditation, and felt back to a good, happy/normal place.  Got to feeling absolutely great and had a great noon meditation and prayer. I was laughing and talking with my "spirit team" and we were having a great time. Then the breaker for the upstairs ACs went out – apparently the socket up there shorted out and the breaker wouldn’t kick back on. Robert said he could replace it and I decided to stop air conditioning the 2nd floor because nobody uses it, so I brought down everything I didn’t want to get heat damaged. Then a wave of “forlorn longing” of...

Had an amazing session this morning.  Before I meditated, I received 3 messages from Irene that we are in total agreement about my meditating as if we are doing it together, using terms like “we” and “us”.  Throughout our time together here Irene would always say that as long as she and I were in sync and on the same page, we could do anything and create anything.  We talked about it several times, about how everything (including us) changed when we got together, and how many things happened like magic for us as long as we in harmony. Last night I wondered what we could have accomplished had we actually prayed and made our affirmations together - out loud, as we are doing now. This morning, when I start my meditation affirmations it is in a dual voice in my head – I could “hear” her voice in perfect unison with mine.  I noticed that there was a new affirmation that wasn’t part of my usual affirmation list and felt it was something she was adding to the sessi...

Woke up feeling great!! What a great, great day yesterday!!! I’m still charged up and so blown away by that video.  I definitely feel like I’m on the exact right track.  I do a 30 minute session after morning prayers, get up and go to work in my office, and for the next few hours I’m in bliss – I can feel Irene in my heart and head. I’m beyond happy, I’m goofy happy, complete and joyful, we’re cracking jokes and talking about stuff we’ve been through and are going through, we talk about yesterday. I play the “I can’t wait” song and it repeats by itself (even though my player is set to “randomize”).  I stop it after the second play and applaud her for making it repeat. We have some more fun and I play the song again, but it doesn’t repeat, an Exile song starts up. Now, Irene is a big Exile fan but I’m not. I think about stopping it but tell her “okay, but just this one, I’m not going to sit through an album’s worth of Exile songs.  Anyway the guy uses the phras...

Woke up today feeling neutral and blah. Wasn’t sad or happy.  Had a dream that basically assured me that at times I was in fact feeling the emotions of others as if they were my own.  In the dream there was this amazing miniature robotic horse that I (playing the role of someone else in the dream) had stopped to marvel at while I was driving around with a child I was babysitting. It was a pretty clear dream, and I almost never remember my dreams - well, at least before Irene crossed over. Didn’t feel like meditating or praying, which immediately made me feel guilty. I meditated restlessly for about 30 minutes, apologized for not doing it longer that morning and went in to do some work.  While doing work the next door neighbor came over and said that the air conditioner/heater unit I had ordered for the back apartment had been delivered to his house last night and he just found it when he came out to go to work.  I wouldn’t have even heard him knock had I been me...

Had some trouble in the evening yesterday, but by the time I went to sleep I was pretty good and fell right to sleep.  Woke up this morning and felt sad (about a 4 on the scale where 5 is normal). Was drinking some coffee with Irene and watching a little TV before our morning session when she pulled another commercial switch, this time during live TV.  I was watching Catfish (one of our favorite shows) and couldn’t jump forward because it wasn’t a recorded show, and just as it ended I realized I had been watching that Honda “perfect Accord” commercial again, and I wanted to make sure it was that commercial, flipped back 10 seconds and it was an entirely different commercial. I couldn’t get that perfect accord commercial to play again.  The effect it had on me was an amazing transformation, very, very good emotionally. I am so happy now and feel so complete and connected to Irene. I’ve decided that I must be what is called “clairsentient”, in the sense that I can ...

Had a great day yesterday and having a great one today so far.  Little bit of a breakthrough in realizing that when I do a session I either immediately or eventually feel this emotional surge in my heart which I have mistaken for pain but it’s not – I think it’s how I’m sensing Irene now, and along with that emotional sensation a small portion of it is pain and sorrow that I think is just automatically generated by my physical/psychological addiction to her.   By closely monitoring the experience and going through it gradually I realize there’s a lot of joy and happiness and closeness to her, I just have to learn to separate the two and get over/past the pain part.  It leaves me feeling very satisfied and happy.  I’ve been staying pretty much at normal or above the past few days even though they have been very tiring, active and draining with several trips into town and several kids staying over.  I’m actually enjoying it more and more and feeling less an...

I woke up feeling okay, had a really good morning session.  Was actually feeling really good until a bunch of family drama crashed me and injected all sorts of negative, self-destructive thoughts, then Irene soothed me and led me back to feeling pretty good, had a good meditation that included a lot of envisioning Irene.   Sometimes I just have to use the meditation to bond with her and not raising vibrational level so much. I have been worried about whether or not my relationships with some of the children will continue without Irene being here physically, but after a great talk with Mike after he got here today I realize that my fears and doubts about this are all just negative influences working on my insecurities. I rode with Mike over to Robert’s house and Gerra & Jace were there, and Irene & I had a great time – we were all talking and cracking jokes and having a good time.  Then Gerra took Mike & Jace and me to see Wonder Woman, and I wa...

I woke up in a weird state. I felt normal and felt bad about feeling normal. It took a while to get in sync with Irene.  Full morning session.  Need to remember that doing the sessions is just me doing what I can, that it’s all in god’s hands and that I can go to the spirit realm and fully interact with Irene any time God decides regardless of any “progress” I am making and regardless of my efforts.  I just have to do what I can and be as good a person as I can to hold up my end of this. I probably ate too much for lunch - eating too much makes me feel weird, had a minor swing into sadness (not despair or grief).  I dug through some of Irene's stuff outside before committing it to the trash, got me to thinking about our lives here and how we interacted and communicated, about what it is that I get to missing and feeling so bad about at times.   Then I had a kind of big “throw up” crash.  It’s just so weird – I can be doing so well, then boom!...

Woke up feeling good, had a dream – rare occurrence for me to have/remember dreams – where I was in a room with a girl who had lost her mother and was sobbing about it, making me feel sorrowful, a validation that at least some of what I’ve been feeling is due to empathy and not my own state of being.  This knowledge in itself is very helpful as I couldn’t understand how some of the thoughts and sensations and interpretations could be occurring unless it was a destructive presence manipulating my feelings or feeling what someone else is going through. Had 3 good full sessions today, have felt wonderful all day so far (it’s about 4:00 pm), almost ecstatic, talking to Irene a lot, feeling her, feeling so close it often brings tears to my eyes.  I love her so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can definitely do the rest of my time here if this is what it is going to be like.

OMG I just had the most amazing experience!!!  I woke up feeling very good, did my morning prayer/talk with Irene/meditation and  during the meditation all of a sudden I was in this sunny, beautiful field with Irene and she was so beautiful, smiling so big, arms spread wide, I was just overwhelmed with that primordial sense of connection, love and happiness – tears were streaming down, just thinking of it now fills me with wholeness and happiness. It was only a few seconds but it was so clear and powerful.  I continued my meditation for a few minutes and then I felt Irene radiate from inside me with love and connection and happiness and joy so powerful I thought I would explode. I’ve never felt anything like it in my life. It was like an explosion of intimacy, wholeness and joy.  So amazing there are no words!!! 2 nd pray/talk/meditate session today, real good session, nothing spectacular at the time but I felt I got some good work done in raising my vibrationa...