Friday, July 14, 2017 The Pool Table Upstairs

I put yesterday’s post about the coffee in the grief support group and got a very heartwarming response, but for whatever reason I got into a strange, negative mood – some sadness but mostly just this weird confusion and overall unhappiness, even some anger at still having to deal with this world. Did my full session routine yesterday and even added an extra meditation.

Got up this morning feeling better, had a good morning meditation, and felt back to a good, happy/normal place. 

Got to feeling absolutely great and had a great noon meditation and prayer. I was laughing and talking with my "spirit team" and we were having a great time. Then the breaker for the upstairs ACs went out – apparently the socket up there shorted out and the breaker wouldn’t kick back on. Robert said he could replace it and I decided to stop air conditioning the 2nd floor because nobody uses it, so I brought down everything I didn’t want to get heat damaged. Then a wave of “forlorn longing” of the past hit me about Irene and I playing pool up there (one of the rooms has a pool table in it). We only got to play pool a couple of times and I got to thinking about all the time and other limitations in this world that kept us from doing things like that as much as we would have liked - like playing pool, traveling, going swimming - countless things, really. Even though I know we will have an eternity to do any and all of those things, the sense of sadness at times like this is irrational.  

After I cooled down I got back to normal. I really don’t respond to heat well. These afternoons in the middle of Texas summer, where it gets to 100 every day outside, drag me down – always have. It’s always the worst around 6pm and it was long before Irene passed. I don’t know what it is but it always gives me trouble emotionally and psychologically. Irene learned to basically just ignore everything that came out of my mouth at those times and I learned just to shut up until later.  Having a giant AC blowing on me seems to help but it's more than just the heat, it has something to do with the time of year.