Love After Life

First-Person Experiential Research: Using Hypnagogic States as Bridging Dimensions For Afterlife Interaction For the record, I have a theory of mind and multidimensional existence that I use as the foundation of my personal experimentation. It's "scientific" in the sense that my experimentation is designed along the lines of "If my concept of of mind works, then I should be able to do X and see positive, corresponding results." I've been doing hypnagogic state exploration to be with Irene for many months (if not over a year now), and that process (which begins with the prayer, intention and visualization) is what delivered the unexpected full astral projection visitation I had with her. That experience is what motivated me to pursue this particular line of investigation. However, those semi-conscious hypnagogic visualizations prior to the astral projection, and up until recently, seemed to be utterly random and never included Irene, and if I pulle...

One of the things that came up the past few days in our visualizations for the new book was the bedroom in our castle, and one thing I noticed was that the bed was now different from our current king size bed - it was much bigger and round, and one of the aspects of the afterlife I describe in the book is how, in the presence of romantic love, the surroundings become more ornate and beautiful - including how wooden structures will self-carve beautiful, ornate designs in that situation. Another thing that has come up several times recently is the phrase "fairy tale," which several synchronistic events have used in relation to the castle we live in ( see yesterday's pos t).  Irene and I often thought our life together here on Earth was like a fairy tale come true, "the reality is better than the fantasy."   Irene is also a seahorse fanatic. A movie I watched at lunch yesterday was about a man trying to find the love of his life who had disappeared.  He...

Yesterday I think the atmosphere and temp made for a kind of "bleah" day, which is still SO MUCH BETTER than other days I've had.  I've always said that a boring day is a good day!  Still, I managed to get everything on my daily checklist done even though I felt totally lethargic and mentally unmotivated: prayer, meditation, yoga, exercise.  The only think I didn't do was get the finished, edited book posted up, and that was the one thing I just did not want to do yesterday. I've been adding links to blog posts to different sections of the book to give some understanding of what I'm talking about in those sections, and to provide the context of what I was actually going through at the time.  In doing so, I've found something that is very pertinent to the section in the book called "Write It Down".  Actually, I've found this out again: I forget things that have happened, even important things like confirmations. Here lately I've b...

Getting back into my routine is proving harder than I thought, with a lot of visits from family and errands that have to be run popping up.  The good news is that even though I've only been able to meditate one or two times a day, it hasn't affected me negatively in any overall sense.  That's really an amazing accomplishment that needs to be recognized and appreciated because it is so easy to take "normalcy" for granted.  It wasn't that long ago I was struggling with the very idea of feeling normal and was fighting back pain and anxiety every day. Looking back at those times when I was in the grip of grief and extreme sorrow, I could not even begin to believe that my current state was something I would achieve before the end of the year, if ever.  It didn't seem possible, and I wouldn't have even been able to imagine it had I not been given those two weeks of grace after Irene crossed over.  Here I am, though, not only feeling good, connected, whole...

It was nice today to be able to get back in my routine.  Early this morning I was enjoying a smoke on my back porch and having a discussion with Irene, a continuation of the "what is the nature of reality" conversation that we have been having and which we discussed a lot while I was down at Gerra's.  This morning I told some extra confirmation would be appreciated even though it had already been confirmed several times, especially through that television show Awake. A Jehova's Witness minister and his wife, who come by here about once a month, came by and after we sat in the living room and he spoke a while, his wife started talking about faith, and what the Biblical definition of faith was.  She read Hebrews 11:1, which says (in their version): Faith is the assured expectation of what is hoped for, the evident demonstration of realities that are not seen.   This exactly represents what I've been working on for weeks now, a perfect confirmation of how I see ...

I set out this morning to better organize my process - yes, even though I've talked before about not setting up a rigid schedule that could lead to frustration and guilt, I feel like I've gone beyond feeling those things due to not adhering to a schedule or due to unmet expectations of myself.  If I cannot meditate at times or things don't progress as fast as I want, I get over that fast enough, but there is a process by which that occurs and I really need to try to adhere to it as much as possible. First, when I get up in the morning, it's important that I start empowering and invoking our home frequency right off the bat, no matter how I feel when I get up.  If I feel ambivalent, I need to soldier through it and do my greetings, feel appreciation, ask for help, say my prayers and do my intention-setting meditation.  I can't let feelings and emotions of unwanted frequencies set the tone for my day and guide my decisions about what to do; it's up to me to cont...

The past two days have brought it to my attention that even when I don't feel like it - actually, especially when I don't feel like it - I need to meditate and pray.  I know this sounds like I'm reversing my views from yesterday (probably not the first time I've done that on this blog), but it's more like a refinement. When I try to work out solutions to my feeling "off", the solution is really always the same thing: regaining the frequency I desire.  I exist as a happy, fulfilled and motivated person in what I call our "home frequency", where Irene and I have our best and easiest interactions.  So, when I wake up and feel ambivalent, especially after a day of being bombarded with the frequencies of other people, the best course of action is to pray and meditate to start bringing myself back to home frequency. Tuning into that frequency is my job; that's what I'm supposed to be doing.  That's actually what individual existence...

What a day I had yesterday.  So sorry I wasn't able to post, but I by the time I got home I was really too drained to do anything with my brain other than eat, walk the dogs and go to sleep early. We had a meeting with an attorney over some of the issues that came crashing into our lives earlier this week and that took longer than expected.  I can't get into any of it here, but let's just say it's something that would ordinarily be very, very stressful, even though it didn't directly involve me.  I never really felt stressed, although my mind was more on those issues than anything else, and I kept having to refocus on our happy frequency again and again.  It did keep me feeling centered and really rather removed from the situation. Also, driving tends to wear me out and I ran other errands in town, so I'm sure that contributed to the draining fatigue I felt yesterday evening. Other than that, though, I felt great mentally and emotionally - I didn't crash...

There are mornings, like today, I wake up and I don't feel good or bad, I just feel completely ambivalent. I really think it has a lot to do with the physical atmosphere. It's heavy again here with a lot of humidity after a lot of rain last night. A couple of hours after I got up, though, I felt Irene just sort of vibe into me. It felt so good and immediately changed my frequency back into our zone. It didn't have hardly any of the associated sadness that contact with her used to bring, although it did carry with it a unique emotional content I've talked about before; it's really good, it's just not like anything else, so it's hard to put any label on. Meditation was excellent although the universe kept interrupting me for whatever reason.  I still have the family issues that cropped came barreling through like a freight train, but we're working on those and can at least see a way forward.  I'm really not very good at adapting to certain situatio...

Last night and today were very challenging.  There were some pretty serious events that occurred with a couple of our children that were very negative and - for all of us - very disheartening.  It's times like this that you realize just how crappy the world and the people in it can be, and how good people often end up in bad or troubling situations through no real fault of their own.  It's so easy to lose faith and trust when certain things go on. I did find out, however, that I have much more emotional investment in our children than I thought - which is a good thing.  It's one of the things I had hoped I could cultivate, something I think I came here to learn or let myself experience.  I had to work to keep tuned in to Irene's and my home frequency at times; at other times I felt Irene blend into me and just relieve my unsettled feeling.  Some very odd things happened that made it feel as if it was all part of the plan.  I woke up on my own at...

I remember when I was about five or six, before I was even in grade school, I could tap into what felt to me at the time was a particular sensation and time would seem to slow down.  I remember playing kick ball and dodge ball, I could - even then - "tune in" to this sensation and everything would be moving as if in slow motion to me and nobody could hit me with the ball because I could easily dodge it while I was in that different sense of the passing of time. I also remember after I started going to school we were having timed races to see who could run the fastest from one point to the other.  It might have been ten or twenty yards.  Somehow I knew I was able to tune in, right then, to some kind of sensation that had to do with running fast.  As the race started I clicked in to a strange running mode and I felt like the flash or something - it was surreal.  About halfway through the run I was going faster than I had the coordination to manage and I tripped,...

Felt like I had a cold or allergies all day today, so I haven't done much more than prayer and meditation and sit on the swing in they yard and talk with Irene. It's nice just having normal conversations with her about normal stuff.  Even though I'm feeling kind of sick, I have no feeling of panic or loss or sorrow.  We finally got some cooler air and breezes with a front that came in and I they feel heavenly. There are some things I read in the forum, and some parts of the conversation I was having with Irene that made me think differently about the whole Heaven concept.   Basically, people here relate to the afterlife, for the most part, as some kind of spiritual or wisdom thing.  Most people think there are bad, or "not a good" places you go if you're not "spiritually evolved" or have a "high vibration".  The usual culprits for low spirituality are lust, addiction, cruelty, greed, etc.  People see other people as not very spiritually ...

Today hasn't been a great day, but it has been a "good enough" day.  I'm longing for the heavenly version of us off and on.  Had a good prayer as usual and the meditations have been really good today (lots of "connection vibration" and deep relaxation), but for whatever reasons I've got some sorrowful longing going on - nothing dramatic, but enough to bring a few tears to my eyes. I started wondering what the issue was, then thought of my new acronym - LIFT, which stands for Love, Intention, Intuition, Faith and Trust.  Focus my intentions on what I Love ; let Intuition direct me and sort through my options; have Faith in the process; Trust the plan, God, Irene and those working on my behalf. It reminds me that I don't have to figure this stuff out. I don't have to dig deep and find out if I have unexamined pains, guilt or regret.  I don't have to figure out what I have to do next.  I don't have to figure out how to astral project or ...

During the day I talk with irene all the time.  It's not continuous - I do work and focus on that when I am working, and I do sleep and do other things that require my attention. Occasionally I talk "to" Irene, but now I mostly talk with her and allow myself to "imagine" her responses (as per my post a few days ago about Irene and irene) and her with me. This gives me such a great sensation.  I feel like she is close and has her attention on me when I do this, as I have my attention on her.  When I walk the dogs or do dishes I love to have conversations with her.  We talk about the children, grandchildren and our great-grandchild; how we are doing as far as getting through all this; what we plan on doing in the afterlife; what I'm doing here with whatever time I have left; we talk about our lives here and things that we went through.    During these conversations (which, on my end, I speak out loud), we often have a banter that makes me laugh out lo...

Yesterday's meditations were amazing in that they felt so deep and gave me such a buzzed, "leaving my body" sensation.  This morning I guess the weather pressure has changed because I don't feel brain fried - I feel great!  It's just crazy how different one day can feel from the next even though nothing has changed with regards to what I know and what my views are. This morning irene let me know that some of what I feel doesn't start with me - that she gets to missing me as well in the same way - I'm not "with her" in a tangible sense, even if she can sense me and see me better than I can see her.  Some of the time I'm feeling her missing me.  I realize that even if we were both in the physical and I could talk to her or even video chat, I'd still miss her terribly, which makes me wonder if even being able to visit her tangibly in the astral would put an end to all such feelings.  I suppose it would depend on how often I could do it a...

I've been thinking about thought, speech, imagery and focusing attention/intention. I was thinking about what happens when you're talking. Most "talking" is an automatic process -  you're in a conversation and things occur to you to say and you say them. But, do you construct the sentence, or the paragraph, in your mind before talking?  Have you worked out all the words you are going to say, and in what order?  Do you fully work out an idea before saying it or writing it down? The same thing goes on when I'm writing. I'm not thinking out the sentence before I write it, or the whole paragraph before I start.  I haven't even articulated the whole idea in my mind before I feel confident that I've got something "in its entirety" I'm about to express. So, what is going on? I have a sensation in my mind when I'm about to express myself, as if I've found the thought or idea or information I want to express (even without conscious...

8:30 A.M. I woke up at 1:30 this morning after having a dream that had Irene in it.  She was only in it a few seconds, but it was more than any previous dream.  We were at a store and I had just bought an item of clothing and she took the bag and walked off while I looked at some cheap computers (I have been thinking lately about buying a cheap chromebook laptop).  A salesman was keeping an eye on me because he thought I was acting suspiciously.  He told me that he had a cheaper version of the computer I was looking at because they had to repaint it and it was in the back, and wanted to know if I wanted him to go get it. I told him yes, but while he was gone I decided to leave and walked away from the computers and looked for Irene.  She was sitting down in a waiting area and leaned forward when I looked her way.  She must have known I wanted to leave because she got up and walked up to me.  I don't know if we spoke but I realized I didn't know wh...

Today has been pretty strange.  I think I must have picked something from somewhere - either a cold or someone's weird emotional condition.  My voice was deep like when I get sick, and there were times when I felt like I was getting some nasal stoppage, but so far that hasn't materialized. One thing after another kept interrupting everything I tried to do so at some point I just decided I wasn't going to fight against it - just take a day of and not try to analyze anything.  I think some days are just "take the day off" days, and this is one of them. Took a nap and going to bed early. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. Even though today wasn't all that bad, it was just a strange day to get through and I'm just too tired to parse any of it.  It feels like maybe yesterday and to day were just days to let things percolate under the surface, let the universe do its thing, and don't worry about it.

Yesterday was a really good day - especially considering the day I had before.  I had really thought those kinds of grief attacks were a thing of the past.  I know I've got grief in me - I can feel it in my heart and throat at certain times every day. It's not like I've been trying to suppress it; it just flashes for a second or two, then subsides. Yesterday I had firmly in my mind what Irene said about overthinking everything, and assuming too much personal responsibility in trying to astral project and get to her.  I stopped thinking that outcomes to my efforts were in my hands - that I could figure them out or even help or hinder them. All I'm supposed to do is what is in front of me to do, and whatever I've signed up for here will unfold.  I set my intentions, say my affirmations and let it go, do what is in front of me and let go of everything else. As yesterday progressed I continued praying/affirming walking around with my hands on my chest and praying ou...

8:00 a.m. So, after writing up this whole post about how I'm going to refine my technique and set up a schedule, I just did a visualization meditation where I visualize interacting with Irene and she let me know I'm overthinking it again.  I'm always trying to fix things that aren't really broken, always trying to improve things that are really working just fine.  Just let go of expectations and do what feels right. 3:00 pm. I think the summer heat and humidity is really doing a number on me - it does every year.  I am really messed up today. I've been battling fear and doubt and confusion all day long.  I don't understand these emotions or where they come from.  I'm thinking all sorts of things that have never even entered my mind before - negative and hurtful things.  I've already meditated sitting and lying down several times just to try and get a handle on it.  It's weird because it's nowhere near as hot today outside - I should be better...