Distractions

Getting back into my routine is proving harder than I thought, with a lot of visits from family and errands that have to be run popping up.  The good news is that even though I've only been able to meditate one or two times a day, it hasn't affected me negatively in any overall sense.  That's really an amazing accomplishment that needs to be recognized and appreciated because it is so easy to take "normalcy" for granted.  It wasn't that long ago I was struggling with the very idea of feeling normal and was fighting back pain and anxiety every day.

Looking back at those times when I was in the grip of grief and extreme sorrow, I could not even begin to believe that my current state was something I would achieve before the end of the year, if ever.  It didn't seem possible, and I wouldn't have even been able to imagine it had I not been given those two weeks of grace after Irene crossed over.  Here I am, though, not only feeling good, connected, whole and happy most of the time, but enjoying my relationship with Irene.  For the most part, it feels like an ongoing adventure we are sharing, with her and I working on developing our ability to interact in this kind of situation.  It's fun and rewarding.

Still, I'm struggling with the habit of distracting myself.  That's the odd part; I greatly enjoy meditating and doing the HEs, but I still find myself either watching TV or surfing the internet reading sports or news sites instead.  It's not that it is a particularly bad habit, and a little downtime and leisure time isn't a bad thing, I just have so much I need to do in the course of a day and I don't like to give short shrift to meditation and hypnagogic experience attempts. I would rather do what I should be doing - it is more enjoyable to me than the distractions, but for whatever reason I still indulge in distraction behavior.  I guess it's just habit left over from when it was useful - when in the hospital or the clinic with Irene, or  when she was sleeping a lot.

This world really does have everything in place to keep us utterly focused on it and keep us distracted from pursuing afterlife interactions.  I've been tweaking my prayers and affirmations to help take care of this issue.  It's part of why I'm here in this world - to strengthen up my mental discipline.