Love After Life

This past week I've been experiencing something I refer to as a normal transdimensional relationship with Irene - well, normal as it pertains to a romantic soul-mate relationship.  That's why a week has passed without my blogging about anything - it just seems like our normal life now. It feels to me like I would just be blogging about my normal, everyday life.  It feels like there's nothing noteworthy or remarkable about it to commit to this blog. Emotionally, I'm completely good - happy, feeling whole and complete with Irene, enthusiastic about our lives together, waking up and going to bed with a big smile on my face.  Intellectually, I am completely satisfied with what I know and believe about what we call the afterlife.  We are totally back in our own happy little world but with a much broader, better, more specifically eternal outlook and the opportunities that provides. Last night as I lay in bed, I was mentally holding Irene in my arms and talking...

Wow, has a week really gone by? I think that's the longest I've gone without posting here. To tell you the truth, it often feels to me that my experiences are so "normal" now that it doesn't occur to me to write it down in the blog. My meditations lately have been fantastic. I immediately get tuned in and feel like I'm coming out of my body. The visualizations are really great as well. Lately I've been including Pico and Marley, our dogs, in the visualization because it came to my attention they were feeling left out. I never even considered the notion that my visualization could actually draw them into our experience. That's pretty mind blowing. It kind of broadens the scope of what can be accomplished via visualization. I'm co-hosting an automatic writing group for AREI zoom rooms. As part of that, I read up on what automatic writing was - I really had no idea. Come to find out, virtually everything I write about in terms of existential ...

My relationship with Irene has reached a state of such normalcy and connection that I'm not even experiencing "forlorn longing" or sadness with regards to her not being here physically any more.  Every day now I'm very comfortable in my knowledge that she is here with me, that I am talking with her, and what is in store for us going forward.  Just like when she was here physically, I can get to where I need to be with her in more direct contact, and I meditate to get more deeply in tune with our shared consciousness frequency, but that was the norm for both of us here. I can get that with only a few minutes of visualization meditation. There are times when I want a more direct contact from her and I feel her presence more vividly, which causes my heart to race and tears of love and joy come to my eyes.  It is an exquisite, intimate sensation. I can just tell her I need to get a "dose" and she provides it.  When we were together we could just tell each othe...

Getting back into my routine is proving harder than I thought, with a lot of visits from family and errands that have to be run popping up.  The good news is that even though I've only been able to meditate one or two times a day, it hasn't affected me negatively in any overall sense.  That's really an amazing accomplishment that needs to be recognized and appreciated because it is so easy to take "normalcy" for granted.  It wasn't that long ago I was struggling with the very idea of feeling normal and was fighting back pain and anxiety every day. Looking back at those times when I was in the grip of grief and extreme sorrow, I could not even begin to believe that my current state was something I would achieve before the end of the year, if ever.  It didn't seem possible, and I wouldn't have even been able to imagine it had I not been given those two weeks of grace after Irene crossed over.  Here I am, though, not only feeling good, connected, whole...

I had a rough patch yesterday for about 30 minutes - not grief, just longing sadness mixed in, I think, with a little self-pity.  Honestly, I think all the driving and out-of-routine events from the trip to Austin caught up with me, along with some other family situations. However, I still feel quite blessed that it only added up to about a half hour of being upset. I asked for help and meditated, and felt better.  Yeah, that's right - I ask for help all the time.  There's no escaping it, I'm a drama queen now.  I'm just not going to worry about it - if I feel like asking for help, I'm just going to do it, and then thank everyone on the other side profusely for indulging me. In the evening I found myself at the computer and realized it was about time for an AREI meeting they were having on signs and joined in.  There were more people this time, it was pretty amazing.  By the time the meeting was over I realized that if I wanted to be a good facilitator ...

Something I have found that I have to keep in mind is not to assign too much significance to simply feeling bad or sad.  Today hasn't been a great day.  I'm working on getting the title transfer for the truck and felt sad for a while a few times.  The air is thick and hot and I was up late watching the game with one of my sons.  Meditation has been great and I've stuck to my routine, but I just don't feel as good as I have been. That's normal life, however.  Sometimes you don't feel good.  We all have things we can feel sad about from time to time.  Not everything needs to be put into context of what "the problem" may be with my efforts to increase communication with Irene.  There's no reason to assume there is any problem. Some sadness about our situation is completely normal and reflective of my longing to be with her in the Astral; again, it's what one would expect even under normal circumstances of being apart from your loved one. Somet...

Had a great day today – started off okay, then actually got better and better until I was having again having the sensation of being whole, that total connection to Irene, that comfort and grace, joy and happiness, talking to her and her being with me everywhere. After a couple of days of "normal", it's great to have a day like this.  I'm not sure how much "normal" I can take at this time, but it seems we are expanding my capacity.  I did the Pray/Talk/Meditation sequence I wrote about yesterday three times today, once in the morning right after I got up, once in the afternoon after I got back from the groomer, and once in the late evening.  Lots of stuff happened today – I got Pico and Marley groomed, and the groomers were the greatest.  I was able to talk about Irene there with happiness and joy.  We felt so good together, Irene and I, about how great the boys (our dogs) did and how good they look now.  I felt that Irene was really happy about findng...

Another normal day, with a couple of small highs and minor lows. Although I know I don't have to meditate as Irene said, I want to start meditating again so I can gain some strength and clarity and raise my vibrational level up.  I see yesterday's message in a new light - Irene doesn't want me beating myself up and over-analyzing my efforts here to reach her and become more attuned to the spiritual.  She wants me to know that we've already got this - we've already succeeded and we will be together.  I will keep this in mind, but I still want to do my part.  I'm enthused about going down this road. Lightening up my diet would also be a good idea.  I want to start doing work on my end to strengthen my mind and spirit and get in closer, better contact with Irene, also so I can be stronger here, more confidant, less controlled by chaotic, destructive emotions, move away from lower emotions like despair and grief  that try to suck you in and bur...

Woke up feeling “normal”.  Talked to Irene like normal. Did normal things. Experienced a very sweet, warm sensation of love from her.  I remind myself that “normal” is okay, it’s good, it’s how we spent most of our time together – in a state of “normal” – feeling comforted by each other’s presence, being able to do daily things like work and household chores, then when we needed or wanted spike up into a more intense exchange of that love/intimacy in various ways.  This morning I feel very confident, very much in love with her, very strong that she is always here with me.  It’s really amazing and wonderful.  I understand I have to set my rational, analytical mind aside and just exist in faith, love, and the knowing I have that she is actually in me, a part of me. I have to make a note – I just went into the kitchen and was making more coffee when Irene gave me such a warm, loving, euphoric sense of union with her that it was unbelievable.  She’s telli...

I felt strong and good when I woke up, spent time with Irene working with Irene on new relationship, talking about what it means going forward.  I want our relationship to be strong and “normalized”, but I also recognize that I am insecure about that normalization.   One of the things I enjoyed about Irene being sick (ugh, I hate admitting this) was that she depended on me and I was able to come through for her.  Her illness provided a framework to let me show her how much I loved her and how much she could depend on me.  It was a similar thing with my mom when I was able to fully move my work to home; I could take care of her.  I could "pay her back" for all the help she had ever given us and I could "prove" to her that was worth that trust.  I found taking care of Mom and Irene very rewarding, like I might actually be a good person worth the love and trust others placed in me. So, it's been years since we had a "normal" relationship, so to s...

I woke up feeling pretty good.  Working on accepting the “normal” feeling, and being more accepting of my mental projections of Irene, even though it’s not of the same quality as my other experiences which seem to be much more real.  I’m trying to understand some of these emotions I experience as love for Irene and not pain, and that “missing her” sensation is an expression of my love for her and not something I want to avoid, but embrace and experience in a positive way.  I have to pray daily, sometimes several times a day, for strength, grace, comfort and understanding.  I had a really good session before Wheel of Fortune (which I always watch with her) where I was able to create a framework of understanding about our relationship. There is the daily, “normal” interaction where I don’t usually have as pronounced a sense of connection, but I still talk to her as if she’s with me and envision her at times with me.  This needs to be an entirely “no pressure”...