Love After Life

With the perspective of now over two years of developing and achieving a very fulfilling relationship with Irene, I have a better grip on what I was actually doing the whole time - and still am.  I understand it better because I have a better understanding of what is going on and how it all works - what the different levels of existence are and represent, how it all takes place in mind and - essentially - my external world is a reflection of my internal world. What I have been building is a fully developed  psychological  life with Irene, one where she and I share the same physical space psychologically - in other words, in our minds.  The only distinction between now and the way it was before she crossed over is that I have what is called "cognitive blindness" when it comes to interacting with her in my external-world experience.  Simply put, she doesn't register in my usual external physical senses, so we have been developing our connection and interaction...

As I wrote in an earlier blog, my daughter coming to live with me brought in some serious challenges for me to have to deal with mentally, and it went beyond the initial emotional vibration.  It felt like I was being pushed out of my current dimensional structure and it was rather unsettling.  The first thing I needed to do was take responsibility and take command instead of simply reacting and trying to sort out and deal with my reactions.  I assigned my daughter's issues to "spirit" - I could only do what I could do for her, which did not include solving her lifelong problems.  She had a safe place to live, food, etc.  The rest was up to her and her spirit team. Second, I began affirmations that all of this was ultimate in our (Irene's and my) benefit. Third, I knew that to keep on vibratory track with what Irene and I were doing, I'd have to keep doing full-lotus position meditation along with visualizations to keep from being emotionally dragged into my daug...

Just got finished talking to Irene for a while on the porch, and she brought some things to my attention so that I could put them together and share. The thing I did differently that led to that sweet dream yesterday was a kind of meditation (which I **needed** because of the emotions my daughter hit me with) and employed a very particular kind of visualization. There have been several threads of experience and information that have culminated in this method of having deeper experiences with Irene, dreams, and hopefully more astral projection experiences with her. As many of you know, I'm always looking to refine my technique in the hopes of being able to astral project with Irene at will. A lot of the techniques about how to astral project (well, all of them that I'm aware of) have a common thread: focusing on the textural reality of something as you are either trying to leave your body or as you are visualizing. It's also described as a way to stabilize your astral...

Earlier this week I had a very sweet, intimate dream of Irene. Later in the day she confirmed, with a couple of signs, that it was actually us and that we are succeeding creating our dream space get-togethers.  Since it's become too hot to sit out on the porch to spend time smoking with Irene, I've started using the living area connected to my office.  It's got a 42" flat screen in it that never gets used unless the grandchildren come over and want to play games or watch TV.  I found a YouTube video that is 8 hours of a hi-def view of a tropical beach with crystal blue waters.  The waves and birds create a fantastic sound we can listen to and watch while we smoke, and it's easy to imagine us curled up in our big lounge on the beach, going for a swim or taking a walk and feeling the sand beneath our feet. The first time I did this, and every time afterward, my heart just starts to rush with a very strong emotional connection to Irene.  It's really interestin...

Lately when I do my lying-down meditation, I've had more flashes of sights and sounds that seem real - meaning, it sounds as if I'm actually hearing something, and looks as if I'm actually seeing something. This is entirely different from the more dream-like state which feels more like what we normally call "dreams."  I'm conscious when they occur and I often think for a second that I have my eyes open, or that I'm hearing someone speak. Today I did several of these kinds of meditations and at one point  I had a momentary vision that I was sitting on the couch in the living room and looking down at what appeared to be a color-coded schedule of some sort in my hands.  This is similar to another such "vision" when I was in the same position, the same room, but it was a black square in my hands.  When this happens, I'm observing things from the first-person view and it is my peripheral vision that allows me to see where I am because I'm lo...

Saturday, after doing some work in the morning, I walked into the living room and a picture of the two of us (the one I used for the cover of  Love After Life), had been knocked over. I picked it up and did other things for a few minutes and came back into the room and it had been knocked over again.  That's when I realized I had totally forgotten to pour Irene a cup of coffee.  I did so and there were no more problems with the picture. Later we were out on the porch meditation and working on a game system we want in the afterlife.  I went to eat something and turn on the TV and she has once again changed the channel and her favorite show is on. It was one we had already seen a couple of times so we watched a recording of the latest Blue Bloods episode, which we both enjoy watching.  About ten minutes into the show there is a location shot of a hospital with big letters on the building - Saint Irene's.  Later in the show Danny is telling someone about hi...

I'm developing what is to me a very interesting and exciting perspective and routine concerning meditation, visualization, naps, and going to sleep at night.  It involves seeing these things as natural methods of transdimensional experience exploration, examining states of consciousness and sensations of experience via directed thought and imagery and hypnagogic states.   Today before lying down to do some transdimensional experience exploration (take a nap), I asked for some encouragement for this experimentation and got some.  (I also asked for help from anyone that could give it to me that was on my Spirit Team instead of just asking Irene, so that may be relevant going forward.) I didn't fall asleep during the 30 minutes I was lying down, but I did experience various states of consciousness and imagery. Of course, my directed imagery involved Irene, since that always produces my highest enjoyment. I had two distinct occurrences of what I call "Persistent T...

There's a side to my life now - the time I spend with Irene in Always, our Happy Place - that most other people in my life don't know about.  When I lie down to rest, take a nap or go to sleep, it's fun and exciting.  I have a whole world of fun, romantic, and interesting things to do with Irene, as well as us visualizing together more new things.  It's so great to be able to fall asleep visualizing us and having conversations, or just being together in whatever surroundings we want. It's fun to drift off into different meditative states while resting, keeping conscious and trying to "leave my body" or focus on various imagery that starts popping up, all while talking with Irene.  Sometimes I get a bit of a pleasant dream with her, other times I just wake up knowing we were together and I'm uncontainably happy.  My emotional range of experience the past couple of months has been from "normal" - which is still feels good - to "euphoric....

Meditation the past several days has almost been like entering another dimension.  My brain is immediately buzzed and vibrating as if I'm on some kind of drug.  I don't want to leave the meditation, it feels so magnetic.  I can literally feel my entire body vibrating at a different frequency for up to an hour afterward. It's a very strange and cool sensation. I seem to be more sensitive emotionally to other people's vibes.  The almost-daily synchronicities and signs are still going on.  I'm also apparently better tuned in to Irene as I'm feeling her stronger, more emotionally at times.  I keep her and my spirit team apprised of my feelings and experiences as we move forward with the ongoing merging of our experiential "reality".  

The amazing meditation I had on the 16th crystallized something I've been thinking about writing for a while, giving me a surge of motivation and excitement about it. So, I started it that night and I woke up excited to continue the next morning. I envision it as a book of short stories about me and Irene together in the afterlife in the future. Writing these stories is my way of deeply connecting to Irene via visualization. While writing, it became very clear, very fast, that writing the first story was simultaneously producing one of the most compelling visualizations I've experienced. (Well,DUH! You kind of have to visualize scenes you're writing about!) The emotional connection and sensations were so strong I had to take several breaks just to calm down and savor the incredibly wonderful feelings. At one point I thought I would either pass out or leave my body. The title is: " The Afterlife Adventures of Bill and Irene. " I'm writing it on Google Docs ...

Yesterday, in a great mood after a nice nap, I felt like meditating.  As soon as I started I felt totally buzzed and high, yet this meditation was subtly different than most.  I was at a place, a sensation of feeling free somehow, like I was no longer sitting cross-legged on my couch.  It felt like I was in a vibrational pattern, my body and mind tuned in to it, and I was exploring that vibration.  There were nuances of experience in that vibrational range that I could explore in the sense of feeling slight changes in my perception of it and of myself in it.   I felt absolutely no desire or need to stop meditating, which usually occurs at the 10-20 minute mark. I was thoroughly enjoying this, but more, it felt like I was actually doing something really interesting - like it was a place I could explore, investigating all the nuances of that frequency range and how they affected me.  A couple of times I saw things clearly appear for a second, accompan...

Lately I've been so connected to Irene, I feel little urge to meditate near as much, and little urge to use the affirmations that helped us get to this point. We were talking about this the past couple of days.  There was an analogy I used a long time ago that popped in my head. If you have a desire to go to and live on the moon, the pathway there might first start with building a rocket ship.  In order to do so, you'd have to develop certain knowledge and skills to build that kind of transport. Once completed, you'd need a largely different set of skills and knowledge - that of piloting that ship to the moon. After you've landed, you'd then need to become someone who could build and maintain a habitat on the moon.  Note that the practices that you must have at each stage is, to a large degree, different from the practices you needed before you got to the next stage towards our goal, and then actually existing in your goal state is largely different from existing in...

I woke up this morning feeling great.  Immediately my "walking visualization", imprinted over whatever I happen to be doing, was of Irene and I at some balcony of a very high building overlooking a part of a city near a bay, with fantastic buildings all around and a view of a harbor where these ships and boats were coming and going, some docked. We had glasses of orange juice and a pitcher of it on the table.  This was completely out of the blue, not something I normally visualize. We had a conversation that was mostly about "allowing", a term Abraham-Hicks uses a lot.  She reminded me that in all the time that we were together physically, all the things we wanted just came to pass naturally through really synchronistic chains of events.  None of them required my personal focus, meditation or efforts, other than doing some things I felt compelled to do and basically, 99% of the time, just not getting in the way or trying to force things into my pre-existent expect...

Irene has really been giving me some good connection sensations the past few days.  I'll feel her, my breath will catch and my heart will race, I'll get a big goofy smile and my eyes get misty, sometimes several times a day.  My meditation has just been fantastic - long meditations where I talk to her, easily visualize her, and just go into a deep vibration of peace and happiness.  Lately she's been popping into my head in different dresses and outfits. Once while I was pouring coffee she appeared, in my mind, sitting on the counter dressed up in some kind of a New-Agey Native American outfit.  She always had a thing about Native Americans.  We have a whole room dedicated to that motif with puzzles we did up on the walls and various knick-nacks, statues and pictures.  Earlier when I was talking with her on the porch she appeared on my lap dressed like that and said, "You like this?" and I just burst out laughing.  She is always so playful and quick-...

Wow, has a week really gone by? I think that's the longest I've gone without posting here. To tell you the truth, it often feels to me that my experiences are so "normal" now that it doesn't occur to me to write it down in the blog. My meditations lately have been fantastic. I immediately get tuned in and feel like I'm coming out of my body. The visualizations are really great as well. Lately I've been including Pico and Marley, our dogs, in the visualization because it came to my attention they were feeling left out. I never even considered the notion that my visualization could actually draw them into our experience. That's pretty mind blowing. It kind of broadens the scope of what can be accomplished via visualization. I'm co-hosting an automatic writing group for AREI zoom rooms. As part of that, I read up on what automatic writing was - I really had no idea. Come to find out, virtually everything I write about in terms of existential ...

I had another dream of Irene last night.  It was a pretty weird dream with all kinds of crazy stuff going on, but I woke up very excited and happy that I got to see her again.  Having family over for several days through Christmas and having a heavy workload I had to concentrate on didn't affect me very much emotionally, although I did feel a bit less connected to Irene for the duration.  I started to remedy that yesterday by meditating three times and going to bed early, talking to her as I fell asleep.  Lately, with the kids here, I usually fall asleep as soon as I lay down.  The meditations were good, deep and had great connection to her; the porch and evening talks were very nice, and the dream was really interesting and just topped everything off. It's easy to get into a distraction mode - watching too much TV, reading too much on the internet, etc.  I find it bizarre that I would revert to habits of distraction when I enjoy my connection to Ire...

Lately I've been experiencing a deeper kind of mental intimacy with Irene during meditation and when I start falling off to sleep.  It's hard to explain - and maybe a little embarrassing considering family and friends read this blog. When she was alive, when Irene and I would kiss (among other things), all of my attention and hers was on that kiss, or that touch, etc., on our connection, in the moment.  It was like being one being in a timeless state of a kind of bliss where nothing else existed.  Lately though when I imagine and visualize holding her, or kissing her, it's like hearing each other's thoughts and feeling each other's feelings at the same time that we are experiencing the physical contact.  It's like literally being in each other's head and experiencing what the other person is experiencing, a kind of union beyond any connection we had before. Last night I fell asleep in that kind of state with her and I had two fairly intimate, very beauti...

Today I had such a great meditation.  My ability to visualize Irene is so good these days.  Back when I was in pain I would have a hard time with long, consistent scenes of her and I together - it was like there was constant interference. Now I can easily imagine her sitting right in front of me, talking to me, smiling, laughing, etc.  I can stay in a visualized scene with her as long as I wish.  You might ask, how much of it is her, and how much my imagination?  She assures me that everything I "imagine" is in some way rooted in reality.  She has assured me of this several times with explicit confirmations expressed through amazing, synchronistic signs that I have detailed in prior entries, but that occur so fluidly and so often that I don't even think to write them down in this blog anymore. I just take them as part of our normal relationship. There is a sensation I have when I know she is guiding me to meditate and visualize, sort of a specific vibra...

Today started out great and then just got supercharged as the day went on.  Meditation was fantastic - it's like being in our own world, it is just so calming, the sensation of being whole and complete with my soul mate and all being so right with the world. Towards noon I was doing some chores in a very mindful fashion, being fully present and enjoying every moment when I had this weird moment of altered consciousness where I felt like Irene was sending me a message.  It felt like I was going to get a text from her or a letter, like she wasn't in the afterlife but just away for a while.  It was almost like being in a dream for a few seconds. As afternoon and another meditation came, I felt so happy and that buzzed, high feeling while meditation was almost overwhelming.  It felt like I was about to leave my body the whole time I sat.  After I finished I was thinking about that strange sensation earlier and it reminded me of when I was a kid and I could br...

Talk about a busy few days!  Family has been staying here from out of town and a Thanksgiving dinner was moved here from my son's house due to an electrical outage.  I've not only had a house  full of people for several days, I've also been on the telephone a lot and went out with the kids to watch some movies, so you can imagine my normal routine has been totally upended. Still, I managed to get in at least one meditation and do my prayers every day, and I was able to steal away as often as I wished to have some private time with Irene.  Our mental connection and communication was excellent.  My emotions were not a problem at all. To be honest, Irene and I never made a big deal of the holidays.  That just wasn't our thing, so my reaction to the holidays probably wasn't going to be as problematic anyway.  I know that others who  have deep connections who have crossed over have very serious issues during the holidays.  Our biggest day ...