Allowing
I woke up this morning feeling great. Immediately my "walking visualization", imprinted over whatever I happen to be doing, was of Irene and I at some balcony of a very high building overlooking a part of a city near a bay, with fantastic buildings all around and a view of a harbor where these ships and boats were coming and going, some docked. We had glasses of orange juice and a pitcher of it on the table. This was completely out of the blue, not something I normally visualize.
We had a conversation that was mostly about "allowing", a term Abraham-Hicks uses a lot. She reminded me that in all the time that we were together physically, all the things we wanted just came to pass naturally through really synchronistic chains of events. None of them required my personal focus, meditation or efforts, other than doing some things I felt compelled to do and basically, 99% of the time, just not getting in the way or trying to force things into my pre-existent expectations. In other words, all I had to do was allow the unfolding of our hearts' desires as they worked their way into our experience.
Irene always wanted - since before we met - to live in a two-story house in Moody, Texas. Often she would scout around for her "happy place" to see if she could find where we would live. At the time we were living rent-free in a house my mother owned there which was basically a shack. We were living paycheck-to-paycheck. Even Irene, who is a tower of strength of faith, would get frustrated because of how long it was taking. I had resigned myself to what I thought was more likely - we'd just continue living in that tiny, claptrap house. At that time, a mobile home on a small lot was going for $100,000. Way, way out of our price range.
Eventually, she found a house that she immediately knew was the house. It didn't even have a for sale sign but she saw people moving stuff out and cleaning it and asked them about the house. They said it was a foreclosure and that it would be for sale eventually. They let her in to look at it and she felt "hugged" by the house.
She took me over to look at it. By this time I had figured out not to put my personal sense of limitation and expectation on things (at least to not express or act on them) because I had already seen multiple miracles in our time together. I'm not going to get into all of what occurred here, but a string of events just unfolded in the most unbelievable way that we were able to buy that house - a big 1920's two-story house in the middle of town on a half-acre of city property, made entirely of solid wood with a carport and a shed in the back, 11-foot ceilings and bay-shaped rooms all through it, for - get this - $32,900. Our payments were under $300 a month. My employer pushed our mortgage loan through at his bank by vouching for me.
The point that Irene was making is that all I did the entire time was just whatever was put in front of me at the time. When a setback occurred - the realtor deliberately sabotaged our loan at our first mortgage company because she wanted to flip it - another, better way opened up that reduced the price. We just kept going forward without giving up. Honestly, I never really thought it would happen, but I didn't let those misgivings stop me from doing whatever was in front of me to do in order to try and get the house.
I wasn't meditating at the time nor was I doing a lot of intention/affirmation work. I wanted the house, sure, but I wanted it more for her, because it was what she always wanted. She was so delighted and happy with that house and she knew it was the one. It took several months - almost a year - but at the end we found ourselves in the car outside of the title company looking at the keys to our home and at each other in disbelief.
Irene brought this up in order to make the point that 99% of the job is to just not get in the way, and allowing what my heart wants to find its way to me on its own - not to worry so much about what I need to do or if I'm doing everything I can. Source is bringing what you want in your heart to you, all you have to do is be able to accept the path it presents through to it, and doing that really only requires patience, faith, trust, and allowing.
I look back at the process I went through to move past grief and pain and now understand that a large part of that process was more about satisfying certain insecurities - I needed to feel like I was doing everything I could to get our relationship back. I needed to show Irene how important she is to me. I needed to show her how much I love her and need her in my life. I'm not saying I would do anything differently; the point is that it was my path through my own resistance, doubt, fear and pain. It was really about getting myself to the point that I can now do more allowing without the doubts and fears that I'm not doing everything humanly possible to increase our connection.
For me, I see now my path forward is one comprised almost entirely of letting go of resistance and allowing, not seeking out confirmations and supporting information and forcing myself to meditate or needing to set intentions and do affirmations every day. It came to me this morning that a large part of my efforts regarding contact with and connection to what we call the afterlife is really about finding a path through my own resistance, doubt and fear - not so much about bridging any actual physical or vibrational barriers or distances. It's about allowing acceptance of what my heart already knows is true - the basis of accepting what resonates and dismissing what doesn't. That's my heart judging information by what it knows.
The truth for me is, I just need to allow myself the authority to trust that which is coming from my heart in the first place, instead of having to work my way around my own insecurities and resistance by placing "external validations" and "spiritual work" between what my heart knows and my conscious mind's ability to accept it as true.
We had a conversation that was mostly about "allowing", a term Abraham-Hicks uses a lot. She reminded me that in all the time that we were together physically, all the things we wanted just came to pass naturally through really synchronistic chains of events. None of them required my personal focus, meditation or efforts, other than doing some things I felt compelled to do and basically, 99% of the time, just not getting in the way or trying to force things into my pre-existent expectations. In other words, all I had to do was allow the unfolding of our hearts' desires as they worked their way into our experience.
Irene always wanted - since before we met - to live in a two-story house in Moody, Texas. Often she would scout around for her "happy place" to see if she could find where we would live. At the time we were living rent-free in a house my mother owned there which was basically a shack. We were living paycheck-to-paycheck. Even Irene, who is a tower of strength of faith, would get frustrated because of how long it was taking. I had resigned myself to what I thought was more likely - we'd just continue living in that tiny, claptrap house. At that time, a mobile home on a small lot was going for $100,000. Way, way out of our price range.
Eventually, she found a house that she immediately knew was the house. It didn't even have a for sale sign but she saw people moving stuff out and cleaning it and asked them about the house. They said it was a foreclosure and that it would be for sale eventually. They let her in to look at it and she felt "hugged" by the house.
She took me over to look at it. By this time I had figured out not to put my personal sense of limitation and expectation on things (at least to not express or act on them) because I had already seen multiple miracles in our time together. I'm not going to get into all of what occurred here, but a string of events just unfolded in the most unbelievable way that we were able to buy that house - a big 1920's two-story house in the middle of town on a half-acre of city property, made entirely of solid wood with a carport and a shed in the back, 11-foot ceilings and bay-shaped rooms all through it, for - get this - $32,900. Our payments were under $300 a month. My employer pushed our mortgage loan through at his bank by vouching for me.
The point that Irene was making is that all I did the entire time was just whatever was put in front of me at the time. When a setback occurred - the realtor deliberately sabotaged our loan at our first mortgage company because she wanted to flip it - another, better way opened up that reduced the price. We just kept going forward without giving up. Honestly, I never really thought it would happen, but I didn't let those misgivings stop me from doing whatever was in front of me to do in order to try and get the house.
I wasn't meditating at the time nor was I doing a lot of intention/affirmation work. I wanted the house, sure, but I wanted it more for her, because it was what she always wanted. She was so delighted and happy with that house and she knew it was the one. It took several months - almost a year - but at the end we found ourselves in the car outside of the title company looking at the keys to our home and at each other in disbelief.
Irene brought this up in order to make the point that 99% of the job is to just not get in the way, and allowing what my heart wants to find its way to me on its own - not to worry so much about what I need to do or if I'm doing everything I can. Source is bringing what you want in your heart to you, all you have to do is be able to accept the path it presents through to it, and doing that really only requires patience, faith, trust, and allowing.
I look back at the process I went through to move past grief and pain and now understand that a large part of that process was more about satisfying certain insecurities - I needed to feel like I was doing everything I could to get our relationship back. I needed to show Irene how important she is to me. I needed to show her how much I love her and need her in my life. I'm not saying I would do anything differently; the point is that it was my path through my own resistance, doubt, fear and pain. It was really about getting myself to the point that I can now do more allowing without the doubts and fears that I'm not doing everything humanly possible to increase our connection.
For me, I see now my path forward is one comprised almost entirely of letting go of resistance and allowing, not seeking out confirmations and supporting information and forcing myself to meditate or needing to set intentions and do affirmations every day. It came to me this morning that a large part of my efforts regarding contact with and connection to what we call the afterlife is really about finding a path through my own resistance, doubt and fear - not so much about bridging any actual physical or vibrational barriers or distances. It's about allowing acceptance of what my heart already knows is true - the basis of accepting what resonates and dismissing what doesn't. That's my heart judging information by what it knows.
The truth for me is, I just need to allow myself the authority to trust that which is coming from my heart in the first place, instead of having to work my way around my own insecurities and resistance by placing "external validations" and "spiritual work" between what my heart knows and my conscious mind's ability to accept it as true.
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