Wednesday, May 31,2017 Digging

I woke up in a weird state. I felt normal and felt bad about feeling normal. It took a while to get in sync with Irene.  Full morning session.  Need to remember that doing the sessions is just me doing what I can, that it’s all in god’s hands and that I can go to the spirit realm and fully interact with Irene any time God decides regardless of any “progress” I am making and regardless of my efforts.  I just have to do what I can and be as good a person as I can to hold up my end of this.

I probably ate too much for lunch - eating too much makes me feel weird, had a minor swing into sadness (not despair or grief).  I dug through some of Irene's stuff outside before committing it to the trash, got me to thinking about our lives here and how we interacted and communicated, about what it is that I get to missing and feeling so bad about at times.  

Then I had a kind of big “throw up” crash.  It’s just so weird – I can be doing so well, then boom! It’s like becoming someone else who is really heartbroken.  I think I need to be careful about looking through her stuff and thinking too much about our past until I get more emotionally stable.

Looked online and found a book for kindle which I downloaded to read.  I feel like I need more materials to support what I'm doing.