Love After Life

I woke up feeling really good, had a good full session, during the meditation felt those old Sant Mat sensations of almost coming out of my body.  I think the new regimen and diet are helping a lot. Irene and I talk a lot about how to manage this relationship. In many ways, it’s a lot like when we first met in this world – well at least on my side of this.  I’m riddled with insecurities, doubt and fear that I’m constantly battling, and need a lot of attention from her to reassure me until I can build some confidence in the new structure. Had a nice talk with Dad, Mom, Irene and Reed (all on the other side) while I was cooking breakfast for Gerra and her son, Jace.  It felt really good. Gerra & Jace & I drove into Waco to take care of some business. It’s great to have people I can talk to about my experiences with Irene and what I’m doing as far as our relationship going forward. Amazingly went through the rest of the day feeling really, really good even ...

I woke up in a weird state. I felt normal and felt bad about feeling normal. It took a while to get in sync with Irene.  Full morning session.  Need to remember that doing the sessions is just me doing what I can, that it’s all in god’s hands and that I can go to the spirit realm and fully interact with Irene any time God decides regardless of any “progress” I am making and regardless of my efforts.  I just have to do what I can and be as good a person as I can to hold up my end of this. I probably ate too much for lunch - eating too much makes me feel weird, had a minor swing into sadness (not despair or grief).  I dug through some of Irene's stuff outside before committing it to the trash, got me to thinking about our lives here and how we interacted and communicated, about what it is that I get to missing and feeling so bad about at times.   Then I had a kind of big “throw up” crash.  It’s just so weird – I can be doing so well, then boom!...

Another normal day, with a couple of small highs and minor lows. Although I know I don't have to meditate as Irene said, I want to start meditating again so I can gain some strength and clarity and raise my vibrational level up.  I see yesterday's message in a new light - Irene doesn't want me beating myself up and over-analyzing my efforts here to reach her and become more attuned to the spiritual.  She wants me to know that we've already got this - we've already succeeded and we will be together.  I will keep this in mind, but I still want to do my part.  I'm enthused about going down this road. Lightening up my diet would also be a good idea.  I want to start doing work on my end to strengthen my mind and spirit and get in closer, better contact with Irene, also so I can be stronger here, more confidant, less controlled by chaotic, destructive emotions, move away from lower emotions like despair and grief  that try to suck you in and bur...

I woke up feeling good, spent time talking with Irene, started feeling great again.  Texted Gerra about the commercial, she was right at that time trying to find her lost keys so she could get a new car, asking Irene to help her find the keys.  As we were texting her friend comes and picks her up and her keys are in her friend’s car! Also, walked into my office (not for the first time this morning) and an orange box I hadn’t noticed before was on top of my plastic shelves. Had a bunch of needlepoint stuff Gerra had apparently missed so I think Irene wants to make sure Gerra gets that box. Found a great pair of needle nose pliers in that box I plan on keeping, though! I was telling Ivori about all this and the big black and yellow butterfly I saw in the back yard yesterday, matching the small one she made a video while working on the pyramid and the giant one Freya took a picture of had that landed on Victor and just sat there while they all looked at it.  Ivori t...

I had a very good day today.  Mike called me around 2 a.m. and we had a good talk and I told him to call me anytime, night or day.  Slept late after that, got up about 6:30, felt good, felt great all day.  Irene was here and we were in a "normalized" mode most of the day.  Able to say more direct things without getting choked up.  Sent a card to Helen (Irene's stepmother) and took one to Texas Oncology along with some snacks (they have free snacks for everyone getting chemo treatment, so I bought a few boxes of individually wrapped snacks), got pretty choked up about all that, but it wasn’t grief.  It was emotional but more empathetic sadness than my own because I knew how much the all loved Irene there.  Picked up 400 lbs of dirt for the pyramid that Ivori has been working on. She’s dedicating herself to doing the whole yard.  Something that occurred to me is that if I believe that Irene is in the next world actively working to help, surely I ...

Ivori came out and Emanuel (her son, our grandson) was putting a new swing bench together in the front living room (the old one broke).  He needed an allen wrench. Usually, the boxes come with the tools necessary to put the thing together, especially if it’s an allen wrench.  I looked around for allen wrenches, literally pulling stuff out of my tool boxes and fishing around in them for about 5 minutes and didn’t find one. I called Robert and asked him and he said he’d round his up and bring them over.  Meanwhile, Ivori was standing at the cabinets in the hallway looking for an allen wrench and said out loud, “Irene, I know you have allen wrenches, show me where they are!” and she immediately turned and walked into the mud room looked down at the tool box I had just searched, and right there in plain sight, the first thing her eyes landed on was a whole brand new set of allen wrenches. I know I did not have those allen wrenches before. We were all amazed.  One o...