Thursday, May 4, 2017 Validating Departed Family
I had a very good day today.
Mike called me around 2 a.m. and we had a good talk and I told him to call me anytime, night or day. Slept late after that, got up about
6:30, felt good, felt great all day.
Irene was here and we were in a "normalized" mode most of the day. Able to say more direct things without
getting choked up. Sent a card to Helen (Irene's stepmother) and took one to Texas Oncology along with some snacks (they have free snacks for everyone getting chemo treatment, so I bought a few boxes of individually wrapped snacks), got pretty choked up
about all that, but it wasn’t grief. It
was emotional but more empathetic sadness than my own because I knew how much the all loved Irene there. Picked up 400 lbs of dirt for the pyramid
that Ivori has been working on. She’s dedicating herself to doing the whole
yard.
Something that occurred to me is that if I believe that Irene is in the next world actively working to help, surely I have other there also working to help us, like her dad, step-dad, mom and the son she lost many ,many years ago before we even met and my mother, father and brother. I’ve been inviting and welcoming all departed family on the other side to come and visit and stay here if they want. I think it is important to thank them for their help and recognize them. Irene used to be the one to do all of that - to include those who have gone before us in her prayers and thoughts. I realize I need to start doing the same, let them know how much I appreciate any comfort and help they are providing.
Later I used her truck to run errands – I could feel Irene next to me, she loves for us to go out and about in that truck. I tell her that her dream came true (she dreamed of having a man named Bill before we met, and in the dream we were standing by an old black truck). I was so happy and my heart was full – I knew she was there, happy, healthy, vibrant, exuding pleasure and happiness. It’s great. I can't express how different I feel today compared to just a few days ago. It's like it's not even the same life and I'm not living in the same world as the me a few days ago.
My heart is actually full, joyful, and complete at times like this with zero pain or longing because I actually feel like she is right here with me, that she will always be with me and there is absolutely nothing to worry about or feel sad about. It's like something just magically took all of that pain and grief away today and replaced it with beauty, joy, love, fun, and happiness. I'm making cracks about our situation and really laughing about it with her. In my mind she says things that make me laugh - she loved making smart-ass comments and quips and we have a banter we get into at times making each other laugh and teasing each other about silly things.
It doesn't feel like I'm doing this to fool myself or lie to myself; it feels like this is what is happening. It feels like she is actually there and putting these thoughts and images in my head and participating in the interaction.
Something that occurred to me is that if I believe that Irene is in the next world actively working to help, surely I have other there also working to help us, like her dad, step-dad, mom and the son she lost many ,many years ago before we even met and my mother, father and brother. I’ve been inviting and welcoming all departed family on the other side to come and visit and stay here if they want. I think it is important to thank them for their help and recognize them. Irene used to be the one to do all of that - to include those who have gone before us in her prayers and thoughts. I realize I need to start doing the same, let them know how much I appreciate any comfort and help they are providing.
Later I used her truck to run errands – I could feel Irene next to me, she loves for us to go out and about in that truck. I tell her that her dream came true (she dreamed of having a man named Bill before we met, and in the dream we were standing by an old black truck). I was so happy and my heart was full – I knew she was there, happy, healthy, vibrant, exuding pleasure and happiness. It’s great. I can't express how different I feel today compared to just a few days ago. It's like it's not even the same life and I'm not living in the same world as the me a few days ago.
My heart is actually full, joyful, and complete at times like this with zero pain or longing because I actually feel like she is right here with me, that she will always be with me and there is absolutely nothing to worry about or feel sad about. It's like something just magically took all of that pain and grief away today and replaced it with beauty, joy, love, fun, and happiness. I'm making cracks about our situation and really laughing about it with her. In my mind she says things that make me laugh - she loved making smart-ass comments and quips and we have a banter we get into at times making each other laugh and teasing each other about silly things.
It doesn't feel like I'm doing this to fool myself or lie to myself; it feels like this is what is happening. It feels like she is actually there and putting these thoughts and images in my head and participating in the interaction.
Before I met Irene, I thought such love was basically a fiction used to sell movies and books. I was certain it wasn't real and that nobody really felt that way about each other, much less lived out a life in that kind of love. I'm so, so grateful to have been proven wrong, regardless of what pain I must endure to have it.
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