Love After Life

For the past two weeks, Irene and I have been having a great time.  I've been able to release all worry about getting better physical clarity between us.  What we have right now is so good I'm not even concerned about it enough to "work" at it, other than by doing what we are currently doing, which is 100% satisfying, enjoyable and fun.  Talking with her during the day, making food for us and watching our shows, and doing visualizations with her, now feels like a completely normal and happy  continuation of our relationship.  I no more doubt that she is participating than I doubted it before she crossed over.  My psychology and body have totally acclimated to the new situation. Reflecting on this success, which to me is rather unbelievable, I've been able to better sort out what was the most helpful other than Irene's constant, loving help and attention, as well as any other people on the other side that may have been part of that help. Probably the mos...

Irene and I have been spending a LOT of time together focusing on my being able to see her, touch her, and hear her.  Yesterday we spent 4-5 hours total.  Last week we went three days like that and it culminated in an extremely serene, almost transcendent sensation of being together, without any trace of worries or doubt. Then family came in and other obligations and I found myself feeling a little numb and disconnected, but I went right back to it and felt totally reconnected very quickly.  I started mentally talking to Irene and envisioning her while family was here to try to maintain the connection. I've honestly been feeling like I'm going to have to tell my family to stay away unless I figure out how to keep their presence from disconnecting me from Irene.  So, I've been working some on techniques to solve that problem. What this has shown us is that it's all about attention. Yes people, myself included, use the terms "vibration" and "frequency"...

Today our book, Love After Life, is available on Amazon !  Many thanks to Cyrus Kirkpatrick for his help in facilitating this. Yesterday I had a long conversation on the back porch with my Mom, Dad and brother, Reed, all of whom have crossed over.  I expressed my great gratitude for what they contributed to my life and to my family.  I'm so blessed to have been surrounded by and raised by good people, who have contributed so much to my development mentally/spiritually and who just helped us out when we needed it.  Without them, I have no idea where I'd have wound up in this life. During our talks on the porch, Irene has been putting memories of us in my head of things I had forgotten.  She feels more comfortable doing it now that I'm at a place where I will not crash into grief and can experience those memories happily and joyfully. I have told her to feel free to do so and have given her free access to my mind and physical body.  That's one of the gre...

Last night I once again asked my spirit team for experiences and encouragements and did some meditative intentions before going to sleep.  I actually had another dream I wrote down in my dream book I keep beside the bed. In this dream, I was at a family reunion of some sort - I wasn't this identity, and the family wasn't my real-world family, but they were the "me" in the dream's family.  What stood out was that in the dream, my wife had recently died and, even though it had been some time since, I felt a profound sense of loss and of being alone. As the dream progressed I found myself at work, which felt like a facsimile of my old print shop job, and I still had that deep sense of loss and of being alone as the boss closed the back door and was preparing to close up shop.  I was doing something similar to uploading and deleting artwork, and was trying to explain to my boss something about the dot gain (old printer's reference) when I saw myself through his ...

Yesterday went really well. Spent about six hours with my siblings and their spouses and had a great time with no crash afterward.  Sounds like progress! Something I realized more last evening was that now I actually cherish the sensation of missing Irene at times - it no longer comes from a place in me as if I've lost her, but rather it comes from a place where it is sweet and anticipatory, like when she would be somewhere else for a while during her life.  My sister asked me at one point if I felt her presence.  Since I know she reads this blog, I want to answer her here: you can always tell when I don't feel her presence - that's when I'm kneeling by the side of the bed sobbing and praying.  I feel her presence constantly in my heart and mind or else I couldn't continue to function. When I miss her I am missing the ability to hear her, touch her, and see her and fully communicate and interact, but now I have a good foundation of knowing, throughout my whole ...

Just after I posted yesterday's entry, I turn on the TV to watch something while I eat my yogurt and decide to go to YouTube. After I watch a political video, I notice a video on my home tab from from Ryan Cropper about "raising your vibration".  I decide to play it and the first thing he talks about is removing emotional blockages to raise your vibrational level.  Unbelievable confirmation.  Exactly what I've been doing the past couple of days. Yesterday and the day before I had very deep meditations.   I did not want to come out of them they were so peaceful - like being in a womb. My "spirit counseling" technique on how to deal with and get rid of grief and guilt triggers still seems to be working.  My sense of panic or nervousness when my schedule gets interrupted and others are around has almost been non-existent lately - I had family over all afternoon and evening.  I didn't have that gagging feeling yesterday, but I would think there are stil...

What a good morning!  My morning session was more about being so appreciative of all the amazing blessings I have in my life.  I read over my prior entries as I’m putting them up on a blog and I realized I’ve lost like 10 lbs in 2 months.  I’m still feeling very good and appreciative, been talking with dead family all morning. That's one of my new things - acknowledging and talking to other dead relatives. Hey, I can use all the help I can get. So it’s 1:00 pm and have been feeling sooooo good all day, chatting away with Irene and the other family spirits while I work and putter around the house and I started feeling sad. I started telling myself that is was fine, it’s okay to go through sad times, they’ll pass and everything will be fine again, Irene will still be here, my family will still be here, my loved ones on the other side will still be here, at some point I’ll once again feel that wholeness and joy. I was walking toward my office with sad tears in my eyes a...

Well okay, after pain and sorrow kicked my ass all last evening and today, I’ve come to the tentative realization that I’m just going to have to endure it at times. It's just physical withdrawal.  I’ll have some good times, some bad times, and just as the bad times have lessened their degree over the past couple of months, they’ll hopefully continue to lessen, and over time I’ll be able to have more and more normal and good times and increase my connection to Irene and be able to think of her and remember her with less pain and sorrow attached. The thing is, though, now I know I will survive the bad times and I know they will in fact go away and I will in fact experience joy and happiness again. Felt pretty good for a while this evening, had a good session, started realizing how blessed I am and how much I have to be grateful for.  I know my soulmate and spent 27 years with her in an amazing, loving relationship; I know where she is; I know she still exists and is always ...

I woke up feeling really good, had a good full session, during the meditation felt those old Sant Mat sensations of almost coming out of my body.  I think the new regimen and diet are helping a lot. Irene and I talk a lot about how to manage this relationship. In many ways, it’s a lot like when we first met in this world – well at least on my side of this.  I’m riddled with insecurities, doubt and fear that I’m constantly battling, and need a lot of attention from her to reassure me until I can build some confidence in the new structure. Had a nice talk with Dad, Mom, Irene and Reed (all on the other side) while I was cooking breakfast for Gerra and her son, Jace.  It felt really good. Gerra & Jace & I drove into Waco to take care of some business. It’s great to have people I can talk to about my experiences with Irene and what I’m doing as far as our relationship going forward. Amazingly went through the rest of the day feeling really, really good even ...

Evening ended well yesterday, full session, was a little nervous around 6pm and after that I might have something negative going on but it never really surfaced.  Gerra got her new car deal (getting the actual car Wednesday) with a clear signal from Irene.  Woke up this morning feeling really good, had a good full session.  Day progressed well, did one more full session, only felt slightly off at one point after a family member came over and talked.  I’m thinking I’m going to need to put in a session every time after people visit just to make sure I clear out all emotions that are not my own. My sessions are not strict or formal - it depends on if I feel like doing something in particular first or just don't feel like doing something else yet.  Often I begin with just talking with Irene. We talk about the kids, grandkids and our great granddaughter, about our plans for the future; about things we went through here; I try to imagine what her life is lik...

OMG I just had the most amazing experience!!!  I woke up feeling very good, did my morning prayer/talk with Irene/meditation and  during the meditation all of a sudden I was in this sunny, beautiful field with Irene and she was so beautiful, smiling so big, arms spread wide, I was just overwhelmed with that primordial sense of connection, love and happiness – tears were streaming down, just thinking of it now fills me with wholeness and happiness. It was only a few seconds but it was so clear and powerful.  I continued my meditation for a few minutes and then I felt Irene radiate from inside me with love and connection and happiness and joy so powerful I thought I would explode. I’ve never felt anything like it in my life. It was like an explosion of intimacy, wholeness and joy.  So amazing there are no words!!! 2 nd pray/talk/meditate session today, real good session, nothing spectacular at the time but I felt I got some good work done in raising my vibrationa...

I crashed hard yesterday evening after Ivori left. She came out to finish off the 2nd level of the pyramid.  I sobbed and sank and felt overwhelming grief, loss and pain.  I ended up praying aloud to god for strength, comfort, relief and love to get through. I ended up so drained and exhausted I barely made it into bed before I fell asleep around 8:30. I think I fell asleep praying. Woke up feeling better, but I sat down in a chair with a chair beside me and talked to Irene aloud and began praying aloud. I sounded like an old school Baptist preacher I think.  I'm grateful I'm alone here and this house is big with solid walls so no one can hear the crazy old man inside. The Sears guys came by and gave me an estimate on roofing and siding.  During the presentation I saw this super-healthy looking female cardinal, just a hyper-prime example of female cardinal, fly down and start eating at our bird feeders just outside the window.  I’ve never seen a female c...

This morning I fully understand why Irene wanted me to move my office to the front room ASAP.  She didn’t want to spend her time in that tiny, dark, dirty room that used to be my office, and didn’t want me to either.  It's far too depressing now.  She wanted me up front with her so she could enjoy the sun, the view from the big bay windows into the front yard and street out front, and the great clean and cool atmosphere. I feel very close to her now when I work and I can see outside and get up and do stuff to our garden area when I want to walk around some.   I feel so much better today.  I’m going to be able to look at her pictures and I’m going to keep her papasan chair where I can look over and see her and talk to her while I work.  Plus it’s so much easier for her to look over my shoulder while I write! There's plenty of space behind me and my chair. I found some more old pictures and there’s a picture of Emanuel when he was maybe 2 years old...

I had a very nice, long conversation with Irene last night.  Found a natural, comfortable position in bed without kneeling or trying to be all meditational or yoga-ish and just started talking as if we were having a normal conversation, told her some things about us and our life that I thought she might not know. I feel completely intimate with her now – like there’s absolutely nothing I want to keep from her at all.  We always were able to talk about anything, but there are always things you think are better left unsaid at times.  We can talk about ANYTHING now, no little things that are best kept hidden or silent.  I feel like none of that matters to her either – we’re beyond any little white lies or personal spaces.  It’s amazing how freeing this feels and how close it makes me feel to her.  Also, I don't want every conversation I have with her to be so heavy and "me" centric. She and I would have the most amazing conversations about all kind...

There are things I need to do to better prepare and condition myself for "lucid living" and developing a better connection to the spiritual in my quest to manifest a "transdimensional" relationship with Irene.  This is why spiritual doctrines use mantras, diet, physical meditating poses and breathing exercises – to find and develop our connection and relationship with the spiritual world, and to habitualize that process into a lifestyle pattern.  I think a lot of it boils down to intention and manifestation; the exercises/habits promote the intention, which in turn helps manifest results into reality. I think a lot of it is also just the grace of God.  I've started to look for more information, videos, books, etc. on the afterlife, prayer, meditation, the spiritual aspects of existence - which is saying a lot, since I've always been interested in such things and have always found such information fascinating and have tried to apply it to my life.  Howev...

Woke up at 2 a.m., time to take my antibiotic, stayed up and started talking to Dad, Mom, Reed, Karl, Jamie, Donnie, Lynette and Corey (as well as Irene).  I’ve invited them all to hang out at the house with us and watch all the TV they want. I’m honesty astonished at how much love I feel in my heart and how that “connection” sensation is now affecting me now that I’ve better articulated what it is in my own mind – it’s a sense of ecstasy, as if all of the beautiful emotions a human is capable of was in one sensation – like the white light before it is broken down into individual colors.  It’s mind blowing how happy I am right now.  It seems surreal when compared to a few days ago.  Have I become bipolar? I realized that there was a huge burden that was lifted from me that I hadn’t really realized was there – my worry and hurt about Irene suffering and being in a situation where she couldn’t do almost anything she wanted to do.  How joyful it makes me that...

I had a very good day today.  Mike called me around 2 a.m. and we had a good talk and I told him to call me anytime, night or day.  Slept late after that, got up about 6:30, felt good, felt great all day.  Irene was here and we were in a "normalized" mode most of the day.  Able to say more direct things without getting choked up.  Sent a card to Helen (Irene's stepmother) and took one to Texas Oncology along with some snacks (they have free snacks for everyone getting chemo treatment, so I bought a few boxes of individually wrapped snacks), got pretty choked up about all that, but it wasn’t grief.  It was emotional but more empathetic sadness than my own because I knew how much the all loved Irene there.  Picked up 400 lbs of dirt for the pyramid that Ivori has been working on. She’s dedicating herself to doing the whole yard.  Something that occurred to me is that if I believe that Irene is in the next world actively working to help, surely I ...

She had been laying the groundwork for weeks, consciously or subconsciously, by telling everyone that she was getting tired of the fight and the suffering, and we all knew that she was fighting so hard to stay for our sake because she knew how much we all loved her and how much her passing would hurt.  Irene went into the hospital on a day when some of the kids had decided to come up and cook some burgers. I rode in to the hospital with her in the Ambulance, my heart in my throat the whole time. After a scary day in the hospital with her wearing a cpap mask to force oxygen in her, she had gotten much better and had a great time with all the family that was gathered there wearing only her normal oxygen canula. While she was wearing the cpap and having trouble breathing, another daughter, Ivori, and her son Emanuel came to visit. Irene was in and out of consciousness at the time. Crying, Emanuel took her hand and she squeezed it, opened her eyes and as clear as day through the ...