A Healthy Sense of Appreciation
Yesterday went really well. Spent about six hours with my siblings and their spouses and had a great time with no crash afterward. Sounds like progress!
Something I realized more last evening was that now I actually cherish the sensation of missing Irene at times - it no longer comes from a place in me as if I've lost her, but rather it comes from a place where it is sweet and anticipatory, like when she would be somewhere else for a while during her life. My sister asked me at one point if I felt her presence. Since I know she reads this blog, I want to answer her here: you can always tell when I don't feel her presence - that's when I'm kneeling by the side of the bed sobbing and praying. I feel her presence constantly in my heart and mind or else I couldn't continue to function.
When I miss her I am missing the ability to hear her, touch her, and see her and fully communicate and interact, but now I have a good foundation of knowing, throughout my whole self, where she is and that we will soon be fully together one way or another. It's become more integrated into me as a real thing, and so it seems that the emotions and grief experience that comes from a sense of loss and doubt and fear have at least greatly weakened and occur far less frequently.
Something else I realized while the family was here is that I've recovered my sense of feeling whole, fulfilled and complete. Even though Irene isn't here physically, some part of me knows that we are still together and I really can feel her presence - or else I'd be a wreck and I certainly wouldn't feel whole and complete. It's actually kind of nice, at this time, to feel that anticipatory longing and to miss her in this healthy way. To have a deep appreciation for her is the main reason I came here, so I'm embracing that "sweet sorrow" of being away from her physically for the duration.
Using that, I meditated this morning and envisioned Irene and I as if I was appearing on the astral plane and she was there to greet me, because that's truly what I want to happen. I don't think I need to imagine leaving my body and traveling there; I don't know how any of that works and, anyway, I find that tedious and boring. It has no emotional connection. I leave working out all the specifics and mechanics to my greater, energetic self and universal mind; what is most important is that I set intentions that resonate and have a powerful connection to my heart and desire. For all I care, I can just become aware in the middle of the night that I am appearing to her in the astral; how I get there or back isn't interesting, and besides, I already had two events where I just became fully aware after falling asleep. Might as well go with what has already worked for me.
The visualization/intention was very powerful! I feel this is a good way to go forward.
I had a good meditation later and feel very good about going forward - in fact, I have felt very confident today that at some point before I die I will in fact be able to visit her. I am seeing what we are doing, more and more, as continuing the creation of our afterlife existence and what it is like. I've been thinking today about what an afterlife home would be like - how one would design it, what rooms one would want and what you could do without - like a bathroom or a kitchen? If you can have any kind of home you want, would you even have walls? A roof? I don't know why you'd have those things if you're on your own tropical island in paradise. We could have our home on what amounts to a private island, with a waterfall, pools, view of the beach and ocean, etc. - no storms or rain or wind would harm anything. We could design flower beds and architectural elements and paths, viewpoint gazebos, etc. to our hearts content without ever having to lift a finger to maintain any of it because there would be no entropy.
That may sound really silly to some people, but that's one of the very first things Irene and I did after we met - design our home. It's something we enjoy together immensely.
Something I realized more last evening was that now I actually cherish the sensation of missing Irene at times - it no longer comes from a place in me as if I've lost her, but rather it comes from a place where it is sweet and anticipatory, like when she would be somewhere else for a while during her life. My sister asked me at one point if I felt her presence. Since I know she reads this blog, I want to answer her here: you can always tell when I don't feel her presence - that's when I'm kneeling by the side of the bed sobbing and praying. I feel her presence constantly in my heart and mind or else I couldn't continue to function.
When I miss her I am missing the ability to hear her, touch her, and see her and fully communicate and interact, but now I have a good foundation of knowing, throughout my whole self, where she is and that we will soon be fully together one way or another. It's become more integrated into me as a real thing, and so it seems that the emotions and grief experience that comes from a sense of loss and doubt and fear have at least greatly weakened and occur far less frequently.
Something else I realized while the family was here is that I've recovered my sense of feeling whole, fulfilled and complete. Even though Irene isn't here physically, some part of me knows that we are still together and I really can feel her presence - or else I'd be a wreck and I certainly wouldn't feel whole and complete. It's actually kind of nice, at this time, to feel that anticipatory longing and to miss her in this healthy way. To have a deep appreciation for her is the main reason I came here, so I'm embracing that "sweet sorrow" of being away from her physically for the duration.
Using that, I meditated this morning and envisioned Irene and I as if I was appearing on the astral plane and she was there to greet me, because that's truly what I want to happen. I don't think I need to imagine leaving my body and traveling there; I don't know how any of that works and, anyway, I find that tedious and boring. It has no emotional connection. I leave working out all the specifics and mechanics to my greater, energetic self and universal mind; what is most important is that I set intentions that resonate and have a powerful connection to my heart and desire. For all I care, I can just become aware in the middle of the night that I am appearing to her in the astral; how I get there or back isn't interesting, and besides, I already had two events where I just became fully aware after falling asleep. Might as well go with what has already worked for me.
The visualization/intention was very powerful! I feel this is a good way to go forward.
I had a good meditation later and feel very good about going forward - in fact, I have felt very confident today that at some point before I die I will in fact be able to visit her. I am seeing what we are doing, more and more, as continuing the creation of our afterlife existence and what it is like. I've been thinking today about what an afterlife home would be like - how one would design it, what rooms one would want and what you could do without - like a bathroom or a kitchen? If you can have any kind of home you want, would you even have walls? A roof? I don't know why you'd have those things if you're on your own tropical island in paradise. We could have our home on what amounts to a private island, with a waterfall, pools, view of the beach and ocean, etc. - no storms or rain or wind would harm anything. We could design flower beds and architectural elements and paths, viewpoint gazebos, etc. to our hearts content without ever having to lift a finger to maintain any of it because there would be no entropy.
That may sound really silly to some people, but that's one of the very first things Irene and I did after we met - design our home. It's something we enjoy together immensely.
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