Love After Life

Early on, I realized something that was triggering my grief was an emotional sensation whenever I felt Irene or focused on her. There would be an instant of this really beautiful feeling, immediately followed by indescribable grief. As time went on, I learned to focus on that first feeling as the grief was taken away by other practices we've talked about and have materials on - affirmations, imagination, visualization and techniques involving meditation. As the grief subsided there were other psychological issues to deal with just because there was no information, structure out there that would have helped me understand what I was going through. I would feel panic and guilt that I was "moving on", or that I was losing connection, or that she might think I didn't love her as much, or that I was dishonoring our relationship somehow. It's not at all rational, but it's not exactly a rational experience.  We worked through those things into the confident...

One of the things I've been thinking about since my astral visit with Irene is about how, when I found myself there, I didn't have to look for her, try to find where she was, etc. It was about 7:30 or 8:00 a.m. here, and when I flipped over to the astral she was right there - sitting beside me, and we were having the same conversation we were having before when I was lying in bed here. More than that - it was all perfectly normal and natural - like this is what we do all the time, the "normal" of our relationship, much like it was before she crossed over. She and I were just sitting on the couch next to each other, apparently watching TV and talking about stuff. It may not seem fantastic, but that's exactly what was so fantastic about it - it felt utterly ordinary to be there with her. So ordinary, in fact, I didn't even realize what had happened for several minutes. Often, people in this situation are worried and afraid that something big has changed in the r...

There's a side to my life now - the time I spend with Irene in Always, our Happy Place - that most other people in my life don't know about.  When I lie down to rest, take a nap or go to sleep, it's fun and exciting.  I have a whole world of fun, romantic, and interesting things to do with Irene, as well as us visualizing together more new things.  It's so great to be able to fall asleep visualizing us and having conversations, or just being together in whatever surroundings we want. It's fun to drift off into different meditative states while resting, keeping conscious and trying to "leave my body" or focus on various imagery that starts popping up, all while talking with Irene.  Sometimes I get a bit of a pleasant dream with her, other times I just wake up knowing we were together and I'm uncontainably happy.  My emotional range of experience the past couple of months has been from "normal" - which is still feels good - to "euphoric....

Yesterday I got two separate confirmations that I can transition to having full experiences with Irene whether or not I die here first, and we can start living our afterlife experience even while I'm still here. I also got confirmation about some ideas I had while visualizing our afterlife, but I'm going to save the unveiling of those for my new book. Something I can say, though, is that I've learned that my expectations or visualizations of the afterlife have been tempered to some degree by unnecessary limitations.  What we can have, what we can do, how it can work - it doesn't have to be scaled down  in order to be "reasonable" or to fit into some kind of overall working construct. That's the difference between a cosmological model based on an external world reality and one based on experiential reality - where experience is the sum total of reality. A friend of mine recently sent me some links that I think presents this concept (what I have called the...

As the sun was going down yesterday (which is pretty early - around 6:00), I had set the Hopper to pause before Wheel of Fortune came on and, is our daily routine, sat on the porch for a smoke and to talk with Irene.  As usual, I sit in a comfy lawn chair, my arm around the back of the chair next to me (where Irene sits) with my feet up on another chair in front of me as we look out at the view through the porch windows, chatting. I was telling her how much I love her - out loud, which is how I've been talking to her for the most part since she crossed over. I felt a twinge of sorrow, something I haven't felt in a long time.  I switched over to mental talking because, back when I was still recovering from the pain, I found I could easily say those things to her mentally without triggering those painful emotions. She drew my attention to this, so I repeated what I was saying out loud and the twinge of sorrow came up again, whereas I could say the same things to her mental...

This is all, of course, from my personal experience and perception, so please don't take it as "spirit-'splaining" - feel free to dismiss if it doesn't resonate with you. Just now, I was out on the porch talking with Irene, and whenever I focused my loving attention on her I got an immediate physiological reaction.  My heart races, tears come to my eyes, and I feel things that are difficult to sort out. This is not something new, but it has become easier and easier to the point that it is basically something I can just do at any time. The feeling itself is great, but it's like my brain is learning to process something it doesn't recognize and cannot coordinate with the physical situation.  We talked a bit about it and I focused attention on her a couple of more times to try and figure out what it was, exactly, that I was feeling. Like I said, this isn't a new sensation. I've reported on it about as long as I've been writing this blog. The...

My relationship with Irene has reached a state of such normalcy and connection that I'm not even experiencing "forlorn longing" or sadness with regards to her not being here physically any more.  Every day now I'm very comfortable in my knowledge that she is here with me, that I am talking with her, and what is in store for us going forward.  Just like when she was here physically, I can get to where I need to be with her in more direct contact, and I meditate to get more deeply in tune with our shared consciousness frequency, but that was the norm for both of us here. I can get that with only a few minutes of visualization meditation. There are times when I want a more direct contact from her and I feel her presence more vividly, which causes my heart to race and tears of love and joy come to my eyes.  It is an exquisite, intimate sensation. I can just tell her I need to get a "dose" and she provides it.  When we were together we could just tell each othe...

Wow! I woke up today and feel so much better than I have been feeling.  I think I'm shaking my bad attitude cold bug. I can still feel the physical effects but psychologically and emotionally I feel absolutely great!  I feel so connected to Irene this morning it's totally energized me and is keeping a big stupid smile on my face. I finished my will today, just have to take it into town to get it signed, witnessed and notarized.  As soon as I get that done I'll feel totally ready to leave this world when the time comes.  There's still a lot of stuff I can do in the meantime, but that will be taking care of my only real concern. I recently joined a new Facebook group -  Forever In Love with Our Partners who have Crossed Over .  It's a group with similar beliefs and views concerning soulmates and the afterlife.  Today I posted the following: "Reading some other posts in other groups, it occurs to me that we in this group have a perspective that is ve...

There's an emotion I feel often which I refer to as the sensation of coming into frequency contact with Irene.  It began many months ago, if you go back and read the blog, as a panic-attack like feeling in my upper chest and throat, but it wasn't entirely a bad feeling - I immediately thought it felt like Irene was close and it was affecting me negatively because of my grief and sorrow.  As time has progressed, that sensation has slowly changed, no longer triggering my grief or intense feelings of loss or self-pity.  I've thought about how to try to describe it, and I'm going to give it a shot here. Most of the sensation is a powerful sense of appreciation borne of loss of that which I value most. It is not just "appreciation", which is a great feeling in itself, but it is a form of appreciation that is very deep and meaningful, an appreciation you can only have after losing that which you love the most.  It is only then that you can know how much that which...

The past two days have brought it to my attention that even when I don't feel like it - actually, especially when I don't feel like it - I need to meditate and pray.  I know this sounds like I'm reversing my views from yesterday (probably not the first time I've done that on this blog), but it's more like a refinement. When I try to work out solutions to my feeling "off", the solution is really always the same thing: regaining the frequency I desire.  I exist as a happy, fulfilled and motivated person in what I call our "home frequency", where Irene and I have our best and easiest interactions.  So, when I wake up and feel ambivalent, especially after a day of being bombarded with the frequencies of other people, the best course of action is to pray and meditate to start bringing myself back to home frequency. Tuning into that frequency is my job; that's what I'm supposed to be doing.  That's actually what individual existence...

Yesterday's EVP recording had a weird anomaly on it - it sounded like it could be a voice, but I couldn't make it out.  That's one of those things I'm not going to read too much into - if I can get a clear voice, great, but I'm not going to strain to make anything out.  I'll let those on the other side figure out how to get a more clear voice onto the recordings if they wish.  I'm going to continue recording. It was very hot again yesterday; even though I slept late I got sleep in the late afternoon and decided to lay down and try a "drifting off" astral projection attempt.  It actually went very well as I remained aware during several "dream" sequences. At one point I found myself looking into the black screen of my iPad and seeing my reflection - I looked like I was about 25.  I was aware at the time and asked myself if I was astral projecting because it seemed pretty real, but I quickly left that state. I find it relatively easy ...

Last night I asked for help in astral projection and to have dreams I could remember and would be helpful in that attempt and the continued strengthening of the connection between me and Irene, and also to open me up to more help from my spirit team. Waking up about 3:30 a.m. or so, I stayed up a little bit deciding what to do. I had read that it's best to attempt astral projection after you wake up but before your body and mind has time to go into full wakefulness mode. So I lay back down to try to get into the "drifting off" state they described but not to actually fall asleep.  That was relatively easy since I had two cups of decaf before going to bed and I kept having to use the bathroom! Irene was in one of the dreams; someone was helping me look through a book of images and there was one with Irene, and as I looked it turned into a video of her walking through what looked like a mall with my brother, his wife and my sister. I was looking at the scene from high a...

By the time "trouble hour" rolled around yesterday (6:00 pm), I was having a comparatively down day.  I had so much going on in my head and it was like mush, and I had little mini-pity parties on and off.  I just made sure to do my regular things and, as I wrote yesterday, cleared out all the mental stuff, asked for some help from the spirit team, and let go of trying to figure things out and trust the process. I was hoping for a dream last night. I did in fact have some dreams I remember.  While they were not spectacular, they did seem to help my attitude out, because shortly after I woke up and had some coffee, I understood that I had been pressing too much.  It's a bad habit I have that goes along with thinking too much. This goes along with what I'm here to learn - to have faith and trust.  Like Irene told me some time ago, I do plenty as far as intention, affirmation, work, etc.  After that I just need to let go and let God, the universe, her and...

That information from yesterday and the atmosphere doing tricks here has me out of sorts.  I feel like my frequency is just a bit off.  Maybe things are sorting themselves out.  I don't really even like to think about that information because it just bogs my head down with trying to organize what it al means. Today I focused on more simple lines of thought - like trust the process.  Meditate, pray, intend, affirm, do things that need to be done, let god and the universe and my soul team take care of everything else.  My job is to focus on what I want, do what that intention brings me to do, and don't get in the way or sabotage the process.  Sometimes the best thing to do is just concentrate on the basics and your job and let everything else sort itself out. That in itself can be a difficult task.  Some days just need to be gotten through without beating myself up as if there was more I could do.  Time to read my reminders and find new pins...

What a day I had yesterday.  So sorry I wasn't able to post, but I by the time I got home I was really too drained to do anything with my brain other than eat, walk the dogs and go to sleep early. We had a meeting with an attorney over some of the issues that came crashing into our lives earlier this week and that took longer than expected.  I can't get into any of it here, but let's just say it's something that would ordinarily be very, very stressful, even though it didn't directly involve me.  I never really felt stressed, although my mind was more on those issues than anything else, and I kept having to refocus on our happy frequency again and again.  It did keep me feeling centered and really rather removed from the situation. Also, driving tends to wear me out and I ran other errands in town, so I'm sure that contributed to the draining fatigue I felt yesterday evening. Other than that, though, I felt great mentally and emotionally - I didn't crash...

There are mornings, like today, I wake up and I don't feel good or bad, I just feel completely ambivalent. I really think it has a lot to do with the physical atmosphere. It's heavy again here with a lot of humidity after a lot of rain last night. A couple of hours after I got up, though, I felt Irene just sort of vibe into me. It felt so good and immediately changed my frequency back into our zone. It didn't have hardly any of the associated sadness that contact with her used to bring, although it did carry with it a unique emotional content I've talked about before; it's really good, it's just not like anything else, so it's hard to put any label on. Meditation was excellent although the universe kept interrupting me for whatever reason.  I still have the family issues that cropped came barreling through like a freight train, but we're working on those and can at least see a way forward.  I'm really not very good at adapting to certain situatio...

Last night and today were very challenging.  There were some pretty serious events that occurred with a couple of our children that were very negative and - for all of us - very disheartening.  It's times like this that you realize just how crappy the world and the people in it can be, and how good people often end up in bad or troubling situations through no real fault of their own.  It's so easy to lose faith and trust when certain things go on. I did find out, however, that I have much more emotional investment in our children than I thought - which is a good thing.  It's one of the things I had hoped I could cultivate, something I think I came here to learn or let myself experience.  I had to work to keep tuned in to Irene's and my home frequency at times; at other times I felt Irene blend into me and just relieve my unsettled feeling.  Some very odd things happened that made it feel as if it was all part of the plan.  I woke up on my own at...

About a year before Irene crossed over she got the last piece of her puzzle from the dream she had of us; the black truck.  She joked then that she must be about to die because "Now I have everything." I generally drive around a couple a times a week in that truck doing local errands like going to the store or the post office basically to keep it in running condition, but mostly to feel help me feel connected to Irene.  We were probably out and around driving together in that truck only two or three times, but seeing that truck parked beside my driveway is a comfort. My daughter Ivori and my grandson Emanuel were over yesterday, and Emanuel asked about the truck.  I knew what he was getting at - he just got his driver's license.  I know he and Irene had talked about the truck; she and I had talked about it and that if things went that way, he should get to drive it if he still wanted it. However, shortly after she died someone brought it up and I said that I was ...

Update 7-22-2018 On Friday, July 20, 2018, we achieved our goal of having a completely real astral visitation with each other. It was amazing!  I never lost consciousness transitioning from this dimension to the one where we are together.  The conversation we were having telepathically in our bed here flowed seamlessly into my actually being in a room, sitting next to her, having that same conversation with her.  Although I was conscious when my experiential scene flipped from lying in bed to sitting on a couch in a room next her, it took me several minutes to become fully cognizant of the fact that I was actually feeling the couch, actually seeing her and everything else (including my own hands when I gestured while talking).  I could hear her voice and mine. You can read more about it starting here. (Updated 12-18-2017 - WJM - New Sequential Post Archive Started & Book Now Available on Amazon) I have posted my book,  "Love After Life," so it can...

After getting into some rather involved discussions in a Facebook group, I felt "off" - not say or down, but just confused and out of sorts.  I spent a lot of time yesterday with Irene talking about it, and it led to discussions about several other things - what she and are doing, how we are going about doing it, the nature of our existence and relationship. It brought to mind the memory of all the times we did this while she was here. We'd start talking about something casually, then the discussion would turn philosophical in some ways, she'd pull her legs up to a cross legged position and light up a cigarette, I'd do the same, and then we would talk for hours, sometimes all night long.  She told me so many times how much she loved the fact that we could talk about such things, how fun and interesting it was.  I was so happy to have this beautiful woman staying up all night talking with me about such things, like a dream come true. We would also talk about wh...