Love After Life

Three nights out of the past week I've had dreams of Irene.  I can't describe how excited this makes me! Last night she appeared, and I recognized from my waking consciousness perspective and go so excited I woke up because I realized that I was having another dream about her.  My excitement was not primarily about seeing her, but rather that we were having such success just in appearing with each other in the dream world. Talking out on the porch, I told her not to worry about me getting excited and waking up and not getting enough sleep - I can always take a nap or two.  Let's just keep doing it and I'll work out my end of it as far as becoming more aware in the dream and controlling my emotional response so I can help keep our dream meeting place intact. This past Sunday I attended a Zoom group where the speaker talked about the so-called "Five Stages of Grief"associated with Elisabeth Kubler Ross, which was originally only intended to describe the kind...

Here's my two cents worth on the subject of whether or not something is a sign from our loved ones. If you experience something that makes you think it might be a sign from a loved one letting you know they are with you and love you, instead of letting fear (of being wrong) and doubt trouble you, simply make a decision one way or another, but do so in a way that makes either decision help you out in your desire for better contact and communication with the other side. Anything anyone experiences with regard to afterlife communication and contact could have other explanations, even if highly implausible. Afterlife entities usually work through some sort of physical medium in this world - sounds that already exist, animals, light, etc. and arrange or manipulate those things to make contact.  Often it is nothing more than what could be a very unlikely coincidence or string of coincidences. The point here is that most of us are not scientists or attempting to scientifically and obj...

Last night I asked for help in astral projection and to have dreams I could remember and would be helpful in that attempt and the continued strengthening of the connection between me and Irene, and also to open me up to more help from my spirit team. Waking up about 3:30 a.m. or so, I stayed up a little bit deciding what to do. I had read that it's best to attempt astral projection after you wake up but before your body and mind has time to go into full wakefulness mode. So I lay back down to try to get into the "drifting off" state they described but not to actually fall asleep.  That was relatively easy since I had two cups of decaf before going to bed and I kept having to use the bathroom! Irene was in one of the dreams; someone was helping me look through a book of images and there was one with Irene, and as I looked it turned into a video of her walking through what looked like a mall with my brother, his wife and my sister. I was looking at the scene from high a...

Irene plays music a lot in my head now and I love it. I wake up to it, and every now and then I realize I'm listening to one of "our" songs in my mind, or some other song. I woke up this morning to "Forever and For Always" by Shania Twain, and that put me in quite a happy place.  Imagine that - five months later and I can listen to "our" songs without always breaking down in sorrow missing her, but rather smile with happiness. That's not an accomplishment to be taken lightly.  I also realized I had stopped leaving the televisions on for her to watch (I figure they probably get TV in Heaven if they want to watch it).  I also can turn off all the lights now. I still feel a lump at times when I feel she's near (not every time, but sometimes), but we're working on that.  I want to feel delight and joy whenever she's near and zero pain or sorrow. That's part of our "fun and light-hearted" plan going forward - to "normal...

I had a good day yesterday even though I felt somewhat under the weather all day and had people over all day long.  I drank coffee out on the swing and talked to Irene instead of smoking and that was great. She and I are still developing and refining our ability to communicate and I'm trying to "tune in" to her frequency even while not meditating.  This is probably going to be a long-term effort.  Yesterday during the football game tuned in to her and sent her a mental image to let her know I was thinking of her and that I love her. Today I've been feeling even more under the weather and even had to take a nap.  I hope I don't get too sick from whatever this is. Yesterday and today I've been looking to make our interactions and my self-talk and talk with Irene more light-hearted and fun.  I asked her to take me to do some fun things in the astral when I meditated and I found us going to some sort of permanent carnival/fair with rides by the ocean, with a giant...

To continue from yesterday, I don't know what it was but it felt like I was coming down with something.  I continued to feel worse until Wheel of Fortune came on and, in my mind, Irene was there with me as usual and I completely calmed down and felt much better mentally and emotionally, even though I still felt a little under the weather.  I had to keep reminding myself to stop thinking, to stop trying to figure it out, that when I felt like that it's time to just get through and let time pass until I feel better.  I told myself I'd feel fine in the morning - and I do! It's so baffling how, when I feel that way, all these strange and unsettling thoughts and mental/emotional sensations manifest.  Also, my ability to even think about those thoughts and feelings rationally or objectively becomes impaired and I end up fueling them somehow.  This morning I'm thinking that "trying to figure something out", which used to be my "go-to" process, is ac...

Last night I started getting sad so I went outside and sat on the swing and talked to Irene.  At first I thought that I was missing her - natural enough, nothing to be overly concerned about.  This was sticking longer so I started examining the sensation and realized I wasn't missing the Irene that had passed away, or even the Irene that I had been with for 27 years.  I wasn't even missing Irene , per se. I was actually longing for us , but not any version of us that ever existed in this world.  Oh, believe me, we had our moments - many of them.  Some of our "moments" lasted a long time and many were very, very special - well worth remembering and even revisiting/reliving if we get the chance. Long conversations, long drives, humor, intimacy, passion. The thing is, though, that even though we are soul mates, there wasn't a time that we were together in this world that we were not heavily laden with issues, responsibilities and burdens, internal and external....

I've been getting a lot of new information through "irene".  I can't express here enough what that imagined time with her is doing for me now that I believe I am actually connecting to her - it's so satisfying, calming, fun, informative, and it makes me very, very happy.  The information coming in  is extremely interesting.  Yesterday she was telling me about how my "presence" there is still a very light presence, that there are a lot of things there I'm not present enough yet to sense. One thing she said was that our house - the structure, the things in it - when you're fully over there, you can feel these things when you touch them to a much more intense degree than things you touch in the physical world.  She showed me how she used to tell me how she knew what things to get, or what to put in the house or get rid of by how they "spoke" to her. She told me when she first saw this house that it "hugged" her when she walked ...

I walked the dogs earlier and while outside I got to thinking about some of the AREI information and how it corresponded to some things I had been thinking about; about how I needed to learn to beef up my ability to trust, have faith, and use my intuition.  This is something Irene kept trying to tell me our entire time together here, and something we experienced over and over - to pray, intend, and affirm, but then to trust that the things that unfolded for us were leading us where we wanted to go even though it may not seem like it. Our role in the unfolding is simply to walk down the path as it does so, not to try to make things happen the way we think they ought, or to try to hurry it up - no matter how impatient we may be. One of my issues has always been over-thinking things - as I've talked about in the past in this blog.  I think it's probably pretty hard for Irene or my spirit guides to put images or thoughts in my head when I keep it occupied all the time. I realize...

One of the things about posting to this blog live is that I'm going to be posting a lot of stuff that occurs to me as it happens, instead of waiting until a later even brings it into focus and then writing about what happened before. I was just in the kitchen cooking some food and having a conversation with my spirit team about how hard it is, in a physical life, to really incorporate the spiritual and make it an integral part of our lives when most of our experience of the spiritual cannot even remotely compete with the ongoing, relentless onslaught of physical experience and concerns.  It's incredibly easy to get distracted by the physical and to get so caught up in it that you might go years without giving the spiritual anything more than a cursory thought. The effort towards integrating spirit into our lives is difficult. I have it better than most simply because I live alone and work from home so I can set my own schedule and talk freely to the other side all day long....

Irene, There are times when I get pretty sad. Now is one of those times - I'm sure you know.  I think what makes me the most sad is that I miss "us" - the two of us together, who we are together, who we are to other people when we are together.  I know we are still together, but I miss others interacting with you.  You always have a way of making pleasant conversation, making smart-aleck comments, laughing and saying what other people try to stop themselves from saying.  I miss holding your hand and sitting beside you.  I miss doing things for you, like opening the door of the car or getting you a drink or buying you something silly or fun when we go to a store.  I miss our little glances and and knowing grins.  I miss your voice so much. I'm doing all I can, baby, to find my way to you, to bring us closer.  Every day, it's my mission in life to be able to see you, feel you, and hear you.  For the most part, I'm good and getting better, b...

I had to drive into town again this morning. I really dislike having my routine interrupted but we (Irene and I) had a fun trip in and back. Later I was reading in the Facebook Grief Support Group about “moving on” and “finding a friend with benefits” or another life-partner. I thought it would be funny to reply something like “Well, Irene would haunt and harass the heck out of anyone that tried to get their hands on her man, so that wouldn’t be a good idea for me.” I didn’t, but it reminded me that Irene always said she was possessive , not jealous – you can only be jealous of what you don’t already have, and she already had me. I joked with her that you’re not supposed to be possessive in heaven and immediately thought about her saying “You just try it.” We both had a big laugh. That started this whole conversation I was going on with Irene about how ridiculous that would be – how miserable anything like another relationship would make me, how I’m extremely happy to be alone ...

Busy day of running errands, visitors, phone calls, etc.  Got in my full prayer session, 1 meditation and attempted astral travel when I went to bed.  A quiet day overall, but I’m impressed with my ability to get through a day like this without a descent into grief, although I did have some sadness.  Due to a conversation with a good friend who has been reading the blog I decided to go back and fill in the signs and messages that I have left out.  I haven’t felt any real pull against it and he said he liked reading about them.  He suffered the loss of a child a few years ago, and he and Irene were good friends and I know her passing hit him hard too.  Anyway, not filling in those events was just a precaution at the time because of something I read about those things supposedly being private, but I think they might do some good if others read about them. During the day a couple of ministers came by and left some materials, and one remarked about the...

I feel weirdly disconnected this morning. Had a kind of “blah” meditation (good prayer session, though), decided to drive into town and get some chores done (shopping, bank), talked to Irene during the trip. Got back and still felt blah, took a nap, felt better when I woke up, had a good meditation, but got back to feeling disconnected but in a kind of “normal” way. Got to feeling a little worse, totally blah, had a bout of sadness, got to wanting to be able to astral travel already to visit Irene.  I searched YouTube and found a few videos about some supposed “easy” way to start astral projection. Watched them and they actually made sense and resonated. I’m going to start incorporating some astral travel exercises into my daily routine.   Totally weird --- I was joking with Irene that I should get a Russian mail order bride, but maybe instead that she should learn to talk with a Russian accent for when I visit her in the astral world – then a few minutes later this ...

I had four meditation sessions yesterday, they all went great! Bought another digital book, “ The Realities of Heaven : Fifty Spirits Describe Your Future Home” by Miles Allen. I’m getting really good information that resonates and I think will help greatly with my attachment problems with Irene’s things and certain memories. I also think I’m getting addicted to meditating! I love it! in my 2nd meditation this morning I felt like I was trying to give birth to my astral or spirit form. Literally, about 30 minutes of me feeling like I was both pushing and pulling in an attempt to free myself from my body – a very energetic feeling, like I was working with energy. It left me almost dizzy it felt so good. So a couple of books I’ve read now say pretty much the same thing; that we can fully and completely relive any memory of our lives here on earth, and we can remember them with others if we wish. This is a full, 3D experience; and we can also explore alternative scenarios, thing...

My meditations are really getting deep and good.  I mean, really good.  There is this indescribable sensation now that I get regularly … it’s like a hum my whole body feels that is peaceful, but centered in my head.  I enjoy it a lot, making it easy to meditate often.  I’m finding it easier to quiet my mind quickly because I know this sensation awaits. There’s also a kind of anticipatory building sensation, as if the hum is building towards something really, really good.  This morning Irene was in my dream, but I forgot what it was about and what she was doing. I know it was only for a second, though. I was reading the Zammit Afterlife forum and in it there was some talk about how much the afterlife resembled life here – houses, gardens, etc., and I remembered another source saying there were jobs, industry , etc. Then I noticed there was an ad in my news stream for dresses and one dress was really great so I got excited and told Irene to look and clicked o...

I was having a long discussion with Irene about the nature of our existence and our relationship there and here. Let me characterize what I mean by "discussion with Irene" so that you don't misunderstand. This isn't like "clairaudience" where one might hear their loved one clearly speak in their voice (whether in voice or in their mind).  Have you ever carried on a conversation with someone in your mind?  I would "feel" what seems to me to be her response.  Do I know it's her? No.  I believe we are communicating this way but I would never assert it as a fact.  I'm hoping one day to be able to interact with her with that hyper-real clarity that NDEers (Near Death Experiencers) report. I was telling her that in some ways I feel didn’t get to fully live out our love for each other here – not in the number of years we had together, but rather due to the fact that we had so many responsibilities, pressures and issues, both internal and exte...

I had such a good day yesterday!  I am feeling better and better, more and more confident in our new relationship, in the tools I have to handle emotional problems  and in my new life direction.  What else can I do but follow and pursue what I really love?  Last night I started missing Irene and I said out loud, “I’m starting to feel sad and missing you, baby.” … and it was like someone just waved their hand and removed it from me.  I told Irene what I experienced, and validated it and thanked her.  It was amazing!  I probably don’t have to actually tell her out loud like I do, but I love talking to her out loud anyway and it can’t hurt. I was also thinking last night about how much time I spend meditating and what I'm actually trying to accomplish – making that hyper-real contact with Irene and heaven that NDEers and other spiritual practitioners talk about. I want to spend more time actually meditating for that purpose. This morning I meditated ...

I have crashed into a world of hurt today.  My mind latches onto every conceivable thought and feeling to generate more pain and suffering, trying to turn everything into crap – all thoughts of the past, present and future.  My mind is seeking out every conceivable avenue of accumulating pain, despair and regret, and nothing I do seems to give it any pause.  The grief is causing so much confusion in my head, making me doubt everything, wondering if Irene and I are even on the same page, wondering if I'm hurting her with my grief, wondering how she can stand me right now, wondering if she had so many better things to do than to be constantly running to my aid. I realize I can't remember the date we met.  Was it January 10th?  20th?  I can't believe I can't remember.  I plunge even further into despair. At one point I started the Long Island Medium recording (the magic flower commercial) to try and see the flower commercial again. It wouldn’t ...

I had a very good day today.  Mike called me around 2 a.m. and we had a good talk and I told him to call me anytime, night or day.  Slept late after that, got up about 6:30, felt good, felt great all day.  Irene was here and we were in a "normalized" mode most of the day.  Able to say more direct things without getting choked up.  Sent a card to Helen (Irene's stepmother) and took one to Texas Oncology along with some snacks (they have free snacks for everyone getting chemo treatment, so I bought a few boxes of individually wrapped snacks), got pretty choked up about all that, but it wasn’t grief.  It was emotional but more empathetic sadness than my own because I knew how much the all loved Irene there.  Picked up 400 lbs of dirt for the pyramid that Ivori has been working on. She’s dedicating herself to doing the whole yard.  Something that occurred to me is that if I believe that Irene is in the next world actively working to help, surely I ...