Monday, July 3, 2017 The Realization That Changes Everything

I was having a long discussion with Irene about the nature of our existence and our relationship there and here. Let me characterize what I mean by "discussion with Irene" so that you don't misunderstand. This isn't like "clairaudience" where one might hear their loved one clearly speak in their voice (whether in voice or in their mind).  Have you ever carried on a conversation with someone in your mind?  I would "feel" what seems to me to be her response.  Do I know it's her? No.  I believe we are communicating this way but I would never assert it as a fact.  I'm hoping one day to be able to interact with her with that hyper-real clarity that NDEers (Near Death Experiencers) report.

I was telling her that in some ways I feel didn’t get to fully live out our love for each other here – not in the number of years we had together, but rather due to the fact that we had so many responsibilities, pressures and issues, both internal and external, starting from the very first day.  We were both exhausted most of the time when we met; we both had serious money issues; we both had 3 children (6 in all); we both had trust issues and ex-spouse issues; we both had other psychological issues; etc.  There was literally never a time that it was “just us”; we had the kids, then had my aging mother move in and Irene largely took care of her until I could move my work to the house.  When my mother passed away, Irene was at that time already sick from cancer. 

I’m not complaining about going through what we obviously came here to go through.  I understand what all of that did for us and how it gave us the opportunity not only for growth but for seeing each other under extreme pressures and in various situations.  Our love for each other grew immensely through all of that.

What I told her I wanted, though, is for us to have time and space without all of those pressures and challenges and the draining, tiring nature of the physical world and the limitations and failing nature of our physical bodies to really live out and express that love we have for each other.  To have a relationship that isn’t constantly challenged and buffeted around by the suffering and issues and limitations of the physical world. 

I found some posts on the Afterlife Facebook group made this morning that seemed to be a response to what I said and validated to some degree that this would be the case.  I asked Irene for some validation or reassurance if this would be the case and when I went out to walk the dogs I saw the yellow and black butterfly for the first time in weeks.  Then this realization hit me like I was remembering something – this house isn’t our home; it’s the place we made here in this world that reminds us of our real home in heaven.  We already have a home there – an actual home, where we live.  This world is where we visit to do certain things or learn.  This is why Irene has always dreamed of this kind of home and why we manifested it twice in our lives here and how she knew both times we would live in that house when she first saw them; it reminds us of our home in heaven and she knew the home from the plans we made before we even came here. It is a representative manifestation of that place. She always knew it was where we belonged.  She longed for that place since she was much younger.  This is why our living room is full of “cottage” puzzles by Thomas Kinkade I why I always said our home reminded me of those paintings.

This is why she dreamed of me before we met; this is why two days later, in her journal, she wrote about us getting engaged and marrying and why three days later I wrote that she was the one, and 5 days later wrote that I was in completely in love with her.  A week after meeting it was like our identities up to that point had been discarded and we were drawing up our dream home and living in our own private world.  This is how she knew where we would be married and where we would live, and why finding this house was like coming home. We were like new people in our self-contained world, but really just reunited lovers re-establishing our real home the best we could, and from that point on we started creating what became a wonderful new life that would wash away all the failure and misery that constantly plagued our lives before meeting.

That is who we are in the next world; that is our life there.  We do not have to create it there because it is already there and is the root of what we created here.  That is where we live – our home, our world created by our incredible love for each other that has always, eternally existed.  We are simply visiting here to do what we came here to do and learn what we came here to learn. We already have the existence I crave for us and when I am done here I will return to her and our home and that life without the worries, problems, issues, limitations or pain of life here. That is why I crave it – it’s already my real, eternal life and I want to get back to it.  I long for it just as I longed for it without knowing before I met her, longed for it through two prior marriages never to be satisfied until we were reunited here.

Somehow all of that came very clearly to me and it settled in my heart and mind like a big adjustment of my whole perspective. It’s like, everything changed with that understanding.   I started doing some work, playing “I Can’t Wait” on the media player, and I’m crying and crying … but I’m not sad or happy.  I don’t understand the emotion I’m feeling.  I ask Irene what it is I’m feeling and it comes to me … relief. I’m sobbing with relief.  I understand what is going on, who I am, who she is, who and what we are together, where I’m from, what is going on here, what the afterlife is, what this is.  And it’s such a profound relief that I’m crying and my heart is pounding like I just won some huge challenge and I’m so excited all at the same time.