Full Commitment to the Task
My second meditation yesterday was focused on simply allowing, accepting and receiving whatever information - or no information - came my way during that time. I try to keep my mind relatively clear and not intend or deliberately imagine. At one point an HE (hypnagogic experience) played out where Irene and I were laying on what was like a clear ground of glass and looking down at me as I did something in an office somewhere - it looked like I was in a police station of some sort looking for someone who worked there.
As the day went on I felt very confident and realized that I had made the decision to become even more fully committed to our adventure - the adventure of me trying to have a more complete experience with her. Not because I needed it due to sorrow or grief, but rather because I have discovered it is my "calling" - I find joy, excitement and enthusiasm in this pursuit. It makes me both want to get out of bed in the morning and go to bed at night.
While I have been putting forth what I consider to be an adequate effort, up until now I would often do things to distract myself. Another thing that came to me yesterday was that I'm looking for distractions because I'm afraid of failure or that nothing further will happen. The thing is, though, none of that matters because this is really all I want to do, and the best part is that even if I fail, at the end I win anyway, because I will be with Irene in the astral.
Today I woke up and I felt a new kind of great - I have a real sense of purpose. It's like what all the motivational books and speakers talk about - find what you love, what makes you excited and happy to do. This is the only thing that speaks to my heart and soul - throwing in and really going at this in a dedicated sense to see how well and how clearly I can interact with Irene.
I figured out how to start remembering my HEs (hypnagogic experiences); when I lay down I leave the iPad on next to me where I can easily and quickly reach it and leave the voice recorder on, so I can hit record and then pause and record my HEs as they occur. This will help keep me alert and also put me in a habit of "waking up" and recording my experiences, which should translate into my being able to remember more dreams and also perhaps become aware in dreams. I may fall asleep with the iPad on, but that's not a big deal.
I already tried this and was frankly amazed at how many HEs I have when I just lay down for a few minutes to rest. I recorded four or five in about 15 minutes. It's so easy to forget them - I didn't record one immediately and in just an instant it was totally gone from my mind, but one I did get recorded had Irene in it. This morning I also remembered a dream I had - it was kind of crazy but I've decided to keep an entirely separate dream and HE journal. I'll post them here if I think they have any relevance to my efforts, but the main thing right now is I'm excited that I'm making progress. I've been wanting to figure out how to remember dreams and HEs, and to remain aware during them, for a while now.
As the day went on I felt very confident and realized that I had made the decision to become even more fully committed to our adventure - the adventure of me trying to have a more complete experience with her. Not because I needed it due to sorrow or grief, but rather because I have discovered it is my "calling" - I find joy, excitement and enthusiasm in this pursuit. It makes me both want to get out of bed in the morning and go to bed at night.
While I have been putting forth what I consider to be an adequate effort, up until now I would often do things to distract myself. Another thing that came to me yesterday was that I'm looking for distractions because I'm afraid of failure or that nothing further will happen. The thing is, though, none of that matters because this is really all I want to do, and the best part is that even if I fail, at the end I win anyway, because I will be with Irene in the astral.
Today I woke up and I felt a new kind of great - I have a real sense of purpose. It's like what all the motivational books and speakers talk about - find what you love, what makes you excited and happy to do. This is the only thing that speaks to my heart and soul - throwing in and really going at this in a dedicated sense to see how well and how clearly I can interact with Irene.
I figured out how to start remembering my HEs (hypnagogic experiences); when I lay down I leave the iPad on next to me where I can easily and quickly reach it and leave the voice recorder on, so I can hit record and then pause and record my HEs as they occur. This will help keep me alert and also put me in a habit of "waking up" and recording my experiences, which should translate into my being able to remember more dreams and also perhaps become aware in dreams. I may fall asleep with the iPad on, but that's not a big deal.
I already tried this and was frankly amazed at how many HEs I have when I just lay down for a few minutes to rest. I recorded four or five in about 15 minutes. It's so easy to forget them - I didn't record one immediately and in just an instant it was totally gone from my mind, but one I did get recorded had Irene in it. This morning I also remembered a dream I had - it was kind of crazy but I've decided to keep an entirely separate dream and HE journal. I'll post them here if I think they have any relevance to my efforts, but the main thing right now is I'm excited that I'm making progress. I've been wanting to figure out how to remember dreams and HEs, and to remain aware during them, for a while now.
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