Wednesday, July 12, 2017 In Search of Regular Conversation

It's been a busy couple of days.  The kids got in at 2:00 am yesterday morning from their Colorado trip. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t.  I got lots of work done both for work and for this blog.  I knew it was going to be a challenge because they were going to be here most of the day yesterday and today Gerra & Jace will be here and we went into town to court to finish up the adult adoption.

I wasn’t able to talk openly to Irene or my spirit team and I had decided not to bring Irene up in order to see how I would weather it.  Lately I’ve been feeling that what she and I are personally trying to accomplish is something best kept to ourselves unless asked and put on the blog for those who are interested or shared in interested groups.  I don’t want to “force” what we are doing or my methods on the family or anyone else.  That’s an old Sant Mat perspective – if others are interested, then speak; otherwise, let life go on here as normal.

Irene didn’t come up much, just a little between Gerra and I. There’s no reason for me to feel bad about it – I’m sure they all talk to Irene in their own minds and hearts.  The real issue for me was if it would cause me to crash, but it didn’t.  I kept reassuring myself that it was fine; at every opportunity I covertly talked in a low voice with Irene; I meditated when I could; I affirmed that I was releasing my grief, fear an pain and affirmed that it was fine to just be a father to just be involved in whatever was going on at the time. As the song said, she loves me even when I don't try.

I don’t know how well I did because frankly I don’t have much to talk about other than work or what I’m doing to visit Irene and afterlife information I’ve gathered. I probably need to affirm some on just having regular stuff to talk to people about - at least until I can just channel Irene!  She was always the conversationalist.

I had a real rush of happiness that almost made me cry in court when the Judge finalized the adoption and Gerra’s name change.  I didn’t realize it would make me feel like that – it felt like I was also feeling Irene’s happiness.

The rest of the day went fine - no crash, felt pretty normal other than feeling happy that the adoption was done.