Love After Life

The evening of December 5th, after the Automatic Writing Zoom group, I felt all my emotions simply turn off, immediately putting me in a completely dispassionate, detached and totally ambivalent state.  Nothing seemed to cause it or logically precede it, it just happened, like someone went in and turned it all off with the flick of a switch. I felt nothing. No fear, no doubt, no concern, no love for Irene, no love for anyone. I was unworried about my lack of feelings.  There was no reaction to it from me, other than just observation. There were things I could see from this perspective with both a visual and just a "knowledge" sense; Irene and I are eternal twin flame soul mates and what we imagine together is real. I could see what the grief we experienced was going to add to our relationship going forward, and that it was worth paying that price.  More than anything else, I could see that all of this was our choice - even the part about us being twin flames.  We cho...

Another really busy family day Sunday so I didn't have the time or energy to blog yesterday, but it was a good day. The key word and idea the past couple of days has been "allowing".  Even when things are going well, I still overthink and try to come up with solutions to problems that don't even exist.  For example, sometimes when I wake up I feel completely ambivalent about praying and meditating, and I immediately characterize it as a problem I need to solve. I consider it a "problem" because I'm worried that feeling ambivalent is the beginning of a trend, that I'm going to lose my connection to Irene and the desire to blog or write anything about this journey or my experiences or thoughts..  It never happens - the ambivalence I feel some days always passes whether I obsess about it or not, but my mind refuses to just let it go. Of course, when I think about how things could be, such as being wracked with grief or having serious health issue...