Love After Life

After that big day and a half of constant visualization and mental communication with Irene, yesterday I felt some internal pushback. My physical body and physical-oriented psychology wasn't too happy about moving away from my comfortable physical-Earth centered system of visualizing her here and talking out loud. The strange thing is that it is even easier than visualizing her here with me and feels much better. You'd think that would prevent any such pushback (or mini-withdrawal) but, just like when she first crossed over, my physiology wasn't happy about the change. I didn't experience any grief or sorrow, it was just a weird kind of "no, I don't wanna do it" sensation in the back of my mind - like habit was actually given an emotion to express itself to me. As Abraham would say, a part of me was "resistant". So yesterday and this morning I've gone ahead and talked to her out loud on occasion just to ease myself more...

Yesterday was a little rough - nothing real serious, just a bit of a pity-party now and then for most of the afternoon and evening.  I think I've got a combination of allergies and - something I haven't written in here yet - I started smoking again a bit a couple of weeks ago, maybe 6-8 American Spirit cigarettes a day.  I enjoy going out and sitting on the swing, smoking and talking to Irene. It feels like an easy way to connect to her.  She was a smoker.  I wasn't when we met, except for an occasional cigar.  I picked it up several years after we got married. I think that 6-8 a day was probably too much and the tobacco acted as a depressant and worked with the allergies to make me more susceptible to sad vibrations.  I really enjoy being able to sit outside on the swing in the garden area Ivori and I created in the front yard under the magnolia tree, so once I get to feeling better I might try keeping it down to 3 or 4 cigarettes a day.  Prior to t...