Cigarettes
Yesterday was a little rough - nothing real serious, just a bit of a pity-party now and then for most of the afternoon and evening. I think I've got a combination of allergies and - something I haven't written in here yet - I started smoking again a bit a couple of weeks ago, maybe 6-8 American Spirit cigarettes a day. I enjoy going out and sitting on the swing, smoking and talking to Irene. It feels like an easy way to connect to her. She was a smoker. I wasn't when we met, except for an occasional cigar. I picked it up several years after we got married.
I think that 6-8 a day was probably too much and the tobacco acted as a depressant and worked with the allergies to make me more susceptible to sad vibrations. I really enjoy being able to sit outside on the swing in the garden area Ivori and I created in the front yard under the magnolia tree, so once I get to feeling better I might try keeping it down to 3 or 4 cigarettes a day. Prior to this I hadn't smoked in about 10 years after God came through on a deal I made with Him about a medical scare Irene was experiencing back then. I quit cold turkey from a 2 pack-a-day habit three days in advance of her being cleared of anything serious just to show God I was serious. I kept my end of the bargain.
So, if smoking interferes more than it helps, I'll have to stay away from it. We'll see. Maybe a "light" version would help. I just can't afford for my system to become depressed and causing emotional issues. I don't want to cause Irene any more pain or sadness than I have to. Right now, no cigarettes until I get over whatever this is that I'm experiencing.
My meditation has been good, that good vibration and sensation that I'm about to leave my body basically occurs every time I meditate now and often beings right when I start. I've been keeping up well with daily chores and my light exercise, working just a little on the book every day. I'm still piling extra bags of trash out every week clearing stuff out of the house. Right now that isn't causing any pain - it helps to know Irene can access and have any and all her stuff regardless of what I do with it.
I'm envisioning Irene and talking to her in my mind as part of every meditation and many times during the day. I'm very grateful for how far we've come and how well this has gone so far when my worst day in about a month was only as bad as yesterday.
I don't really know what to talk to Thomas about (my spirit guide). Or what to ask him. I don't really have any questions I can think of that are worth asking. Crazy, eh? I'm always apologizing to anyone else helping me for not interacting with them as much as I do Irene other than thanking them and praying for them. Maybe I'll talk to them more as time goes by and I get more comfortable with this new arrangement. After all, it's only been 5 months and my focus is still entirely about Irene.
This morning my meditation was great - almost immediately connected to Irene via the vibration, she assured me it's all good and that "she's got this" when it comes to increasing our connection and experiences together.
I think that 6-8 a day was probably too much and the tobacco acted as a depressant and worked with the allergies to make me more susceptible to sad vibrations. I really enjoy being able to sit outside on the swing in the garden area Ivori and I created in the front yard under the magnolia tree, so once I get to feeling better I might try keeping it down to 3 or 4 cigarettes a day. Prior to this I hadn't smoked in about 10 years after God came through on a deal I made with Him about a medical scare Irene was experiencing back then. I quit cold turkey from a 2 pack-a-day habit three days in advance of her being cleared of anything serious just to show God I was serious. I kept my end of the bargain.
So, if smoking interferes more than it helps, I'll have to stay away from it. We'll see. Maybe a "light" version would help. I just can't afford for my system to become depressed and causing emotional issues. I don't want to cause Irene any more pain or sadness than I have to. Right now, no cigarettes until I get over whatever this is that I'm experiencing.
My meditation has been good, that good vibration and sensation that I'm about to leave my body basically occurs every time I meditate now and often beings right when I start. I've been keeping up well with daily chores and my light exercise, working just a little on the book every day. I'm still piling extra bags of trash out every week clearing stuff out of the house. Right now that isn't causing any pain - it helps to know Irene can access and have any and all her stuff regardless of what I do with it.
I'm envisioning Irene and talking to her in my mind as part of every meditation and many times during the day. I'm very grateful for how far we've come and how well this has gone so far when my worst day in about a month was only as bad as yesterday.
I don't really know what to talk to Thomas about (my spirit guide). Or what to ask him. I don't really have any questions I can think of that are worth asking. Crazy, eh? I'm always apologizing to anyone else helping me for not interacting with them as much as I do Irene other than thanking them and praying for them. Maybe I'll talk to them more as time goes by and I get more comfortable with this new arrangement. After all, it's only been 5 months and my focus is still entirely about Irene.
This morning my meditation was great - almost immediately connected to Irene via the vibration, she assured me it's all good and that "she's got this" when it comes to increasing our connection and experiences together.
The orange pack of American Spirit is light 😊
ReplyDelete