Love After Life

Last night and today were very challenging.  There were some pretty serious events that occurred with a couple of our children that were very negative and - for all of us - very disheartening.  It's times like this that you realize just how crappy the world and the people in it can be, and how good people often end up in bad or troubling situations through no real fault of their own.  It's so easy to lose faith and trust when certain things go on. I did find out, however, that I have much more emotional investment in our children than I thought - which is a good thing.  It's one of the things I had hoped I could cultivate, something I think I came here to learn or let myself experience.  I had to work to keep tuned in to Irene's and my home frequency at times; at other times I felt Irene blend into me and just relieve my unsettled feeling.  Some very odd things happened that made it feel as if it was all part of the plan.  I woke up on my own at...

Last night I started getting sad so I went outside and sat on the swing and talked to Irene.  At first I thought that I was missing her - natural enough, nothing to be overly concerned about.  This was sticking longer so I started examining the sensation and realized I wasn't missing the Irene that had passed away, or even the Irene that I had been with for 27 years.  I wasn't even missing Irene , per se. I was actually longing for us , but not any version of us that ever existed in this world.  Oh, believe me, we had our moments - many of them.  Some of our "moments" lasted a long time and many were very, very special - well worth remembering and even revisiting/reliving if we get the chance. Long conversations, long drives, humor, intimacy, passion. The thing is, though, that even though we are soul mates, there wasn't a time that we were together in this world that we were not heavily laden with issues, responsibilities and burdens, internal and external....