Love After Life

(5' tall picture board I designed and had printed on plastic for the occasion) Today is the day we have Irene's public Celebration of Life at the elementary school cafeteria (which the school rents out for private and public events). When I woke up I had dreamed of Irene and I had a song going through my head. While showering I realized it was the song I had forgotten on the way home from Freya's that was now one of our new songs – Reminiscing, by Little River Band.  Got it downloaded, played it a little but it was too emotional so I changed it to a metal rock song while I did some things around the house.  I have my media player set to random play and I have around 200 songs, and (now) 5 of those songs are our “Our” songs.  So the next song after the rock song was one of our songs; and then it played another.  I laughed at the end and said “Okay Irene, play “You’re Still The One” (by Shania Twain) and I’ll know it’s you.”  Boom, next song was “You’re...

The past couple of days many events have happened in our lives that make us think that Irene is around influencing things for our good.  What I want to write about though is some of my experience so I can look at it at a later date. About a year before Irene passed she went through a very serious medical problem with her breathing and at that time the doctors told us she wasn't going to make it.  During that entire time I was fighting back a tidal wave of panic and grief and whenever I was alone I would completely lose it and crumple up and sob and cry out and beg God to not let her die.  I also remember back about two and a half years when we first met the oncologist and the first thing she said was that we should consider hospice at that time.  She took Irene out for an X-ray and I was in the office by myself and a wave of panic and great sorrow rushed through me.  The rest of the day I was fighting back tears at the thought of losing her. I write that...

I found a new “our song”.  It came on the radio as I was coming back from dropping Freya (another daughter - we have 7 children in all, including Jamie ) off yesterday – “My Best Friend”, by Queen.  Somehow it makes me very, very happy to play that loud and dance through the house talking with my soul mate like some crazy old man dancing and talking to himself.  You'd think it would break my heart, but I still feel I am being protected from any serious pain or grief at this time, and only continue to feel my great love for Irene and my happiness that she is no longer in pain and is still with me and will always be with me. I find myself torn about getting rid her immense collections of stuff, but we just can’t keep passing a ton of stuff around.  Someone’s gotta let this stuff go, and I feel like it has to be me to do it.  Of course we will keep all the good and meaningful stuff, but nobody needs to hold on to 1000 seahorse, cardinal, buffalo and whatnot tri...