Love After Life

Sort of a regular day today, although I've had a bit of a negative attitude.  I asked Irene if she was interested in doing EVP, or Electronic Voice Phenomena techniques (recording "white noise" for transdimensional communication).  I got a couple of iffy signals back.  I decided that it wasn't a big deal to try since I can upload recordings from my iPad directly to google drive and then they'll be available on my drive to open with Adobe Audition.  I'm kind of ambivalent about it today.  On the one hand, I'm pretty happy about where we're at, relationship-wise and with my own emotional state, and I'm resistant to doing something that might set me back. On the other hand, I'm really more interested in getting to a point where we can have a full-blown visitation.  I'm not that enthused about poring over hours of recordings to see if I can find Irene's voice, although I must say that would be pretty cool.  The only thing is, I know we ha...

Last night I started getting sad so I went outside and sat on the swing and talked to Irene.  At first I thought that I was missing her - natural enough, nothing to be overly concerned about.  This was sticking longer so I started examining the sensation and realized I wasn't missing the Irene that had passed away, or even the Irene that I had been with for 27 years.  I wasn't even missing Irene , per se. I was actually longing for us , but not any version of us that ever existed in this world.  Oh, believe me, we had our moments - many of them.  Some of our "moments" lasted a long time and many were very, very special - well worth remembering and even revisiting/reliving if we get the chance. Long conversations, long drives, humor, intimacy, passion. The thing is, though, that even though we are soul mates, there wasn't a time that we were together in this world that we were not heavily laden with issues, responsibilities and burdens, internal and external....