Love After Life

Well okay, after pain and sorrow kicked my ass all last evening and today, I’ve come to the tentative realization that I’m just going to have to endure it at times. It's just physical withdrawal.  I’ll have some good times, some bad times, and just as the bad times have lessened their degree over the past couple of months, they’ll hopefully continue to lessen, and over time I’ll be able to have more and more normal and good times and increase my connection to Irene and be able to think of her and remember her with less pain and sorrow attached. The thing is, though, now I know I will survive the bad times and I know they will in fact go away and I will in fact experience joy and happiness again. Felt pretty good for a while this evening, had a good session, started realizing how blessed I am and how much I have to be grateful for.  I know my soulmate and spent 27 years with her in an amazing, loving relationship; I know where she is; I know she still exists and is always ...

I had a good morning session, 40 minutes of meditating.  Still have felt sad on and off during the morning, did 20 more minutes about 9:30.  Still going through something I’m trying to evaluate, like I’m trying to accept and understand what I’m really doing and why, and who I am going to be in this.  What am I really trying to do here? Survive long enough to go back to a semblance of a normal life?  What could that possibly look like without Irene?  What is my purpose here?  What should I be striving for here?  Do I think it is really possible for me to actually join up with Irene in spirit while I am still living here, and experience us together on the other side for real - not just imagined, envisioned, or really strongly felt? I had to meditate for 30 more minutes, I’m crashing this afternoon. Nothing I do seems to stop it.  I feel like I’ve lost everything and nothing will bring it back.  I can’t seem to feel or envision Irene....