Love After Life

I feel like I ought to explain a little about the "alternate reality" and "reality creation" stuff I've started talking about.  Sometimes I forget to provide enough context for people I don't know to make sense of what I'm saying or writing about. I have a couple of philosophy books - Anarchic Harmony and Unconditional Freedom - that were published in the mid-90's, both of which are out of print now.  In those books I described breaking out of socially-constructed thoughts and beliefs and living fearlessly from your own perspective and how I believed the world around you would move itself around to accommodate you. Well before I wrote those books, and before the car accident that should have killed us all (but which we stepped out of with very minor injuries), Irene and I were driving through the small country town we had met in on our way to the city for something and she suddenly told me to stop and back up.  I backed up and we were in front o...

Yesterday morning I had two good meditations, but I've still felt this heavy chest sensation at times, like emotional pain waiting to happen.  It came up as a kind of panic attack in the afternoon, after which I asked the spirit team for some encouragement and in my mind I thought that I'd like to get something from the TV, like her name or something to give me assurance.  I calmed down rather quickly, made some lunch and I decided to watch Dark Matter and, in an interesting plot twist, the maker of the ship's android had made the android in her image to house her consciousness. The android maker's name was Irena.  I immediately validated and thanked Irene and the spirit team for the quick encouragement! This morning I woke up feeling great.  Gerra and I had a long discussion about all sorts of topics, including her mom, life after death, what we come here to learn, etc.  We watched Astral City - it was okay, but it didn't particularly resonate with me.  ...

I read the past few entries and here's something weird I noticed.  One day I have the best meditations I've had in a long, long time; two days later I'm writing that "for the past several days, I've been having trouble meditating". Okay, so that was literally not true, but yet that is actually what I remembered at the time. Remembering when I was experiencing grief, even then I noticed that when I was experiencing it, at the time it seemed utterly real to me that I had always felt that way and always would.  I would, at the time, be thinking it had been forever since I felt good, that I had been feeling miserable for days. I'd go back to the journal and discover to my shock that the day before I had felt great.  The grief also made me believe that even if I had wrote down that I had felt great, that I must have been lying to myself. This is so odd. I wonder if people who keep journals notice this kind of thing - a disparity between what they are thinking...