Love After Life

For the past few days Irene is putting this song in my head several times a day. I wake up with it playing in my head and I'll find myself very happily humming along or singing it. Yesterday Joy Collins posted music her husband on the other side played for her, and it was this song: Perfect song for people with loved ones on the other side, but at the 1:25 mark it got personal to me as they began using the word "Always".  Irene and I would always sign notes and cards to each other with the world "Always".  On September 8th of last year she brought my attention to a new "our song" by Shania Twain - "Forever and For Always".  I was writing a reply to Joy when I remembered that "Always" was also the  name of the very first movie I ever took Irene out to see, starring Richard Dreyfuss and Holly Hunter.  I remember I wanted to take her to it because it had Holly Hunter in it and I told Irene she reminded me of her.  I went to Wik...

Talk about a lot of conspiring events - work, family, bad atmosphere, and so much to do today has left my brain completely fried.  No grief, however, and only a little sadness of the pity party variety.  I feel so exhausted and overwhelmed, but again - no crash.  That's really the big point - I can experience a day like today and not fall back into grief makes me feel like it has really been defeated. I wrote the above yesterday, but had a brain that was far too fried to finish.  I went to sleep last night totally overwhelmed with work and family stuff and woke up feeling pretty much the same.  At some point I asked my spirit team for some help overcoming my anxiety and the following immediately popped into my mind: "It's nothing compared to what you went through when Irene died." That thought, that "meme", washed over me like a solvent, dissolving my anxiety and making me laugh. Then this popped in my head, "We've been through worse than this, ...

Had a good morning, nice session, then I started getting weird about the time I was going to drive into town to get some chores done.  On the way into town I just went off in an angry tirade about being weak and sad.  Nothing like going for an angry tirade drive where you can just scream and shout to your heart's content and don't have to worry about anyone overhearing you.   In a nutshell, I’m just over it already.  This is not who first met Irene; this is not who she fell in love with.  This weak, sad guy is not the man Irene deserves.  I’m sick of so many thoughts and feelings running through my head and heart that are not mine. Throughout our life together we both had to become different people in order to cope with what was going on. We had to adjust our psychology and habits.  There’s nothing wrong with that – it’s a good thing to be able to adjust in order to be able to develop our relationship with regards to changing conditions, event...