Tuesday, April 25, 2017 Mental Gears
At just
past midnight this morning I woke up had another long mental/envisioned interaction with
Irene. Those interactions are so pleasant. Later I started feeling sadness,
like Irene wasn’t here. I still didn’t feel grief,
just sadness that she wasn’t here physically. I miss her. Then around 6:15 I suddenly felt completely
comforted by her presence again - like she had to have her attention elsewhere and now it was back. I was totally fine from then on.
On Wheel of Fortune there was the old gray-haired guy named Karl with a K, like her dad. I wondered if Karl was with her and around here. The rest of the evening I just felt that same protective barrier keeping my emotions normalized, which I know must be Irene, because I know what’s down there trying to lure me into it. I have something of a self-destructive streak I grapple with - I tend to think about things that cause me pain. Irene would say she could see my gears turning and a mechanical look would come over me when we first met and something was bothering me. I tend to overthink things and always look for worst-case scenarios, but I have gotten much better since we've been together. I occasionally worry that I'm annoying her or disrespecting or not paying her enough attention. This is the self-destructive chaos of my worrisome mind working overtime.
To be fair, this is an entirely different kind of relationship and navigating it in actual practice is a little intimidating and confusing. Trying to separate my thoughts from what I think are her attempts at communicating via feeling into my thoughts and projected imagery is ... I don't even know how to describe it. Sometimes I wonder how much is me projecting and how much is really her.
I know there is a profound, unmistakable difference between an actual transdimensional event/visitation and implanted or projected thoughts and imagery. From the information I have actually interacting with clarity is a hyper-real experience and is unmistakable. I haven't had that kind of experience yet - where I can see her and hear her and feel her with crystal clarity - although that emotional touch was definitely overwhelming, and envisioning and the images of her popping in my head is very warm and comforting.
Every day, I talk to her all day and validate it when I think or feel like she's coming through. I tell her my sensations and thoughts so that on her side she can evaluate her attempts and actions and know what kind of effect they are having in my experience. I do this from the perspective that she is actually here and actually trying to communicate and be active in my life. I do feel a little panic when I go for too long a stretch without talking to her or feeling her, like when I concentrate on work or when I have to talk with or interact with other people for a a while.
On Wheel of Fortune there was the old gray-haired guy named Karl with a K, like her dad. I wondered if Karl was with her and around here. The rest of the evening I just felt that same protective barrier keeping my emotions normalized, which I know must be Irene, because I know what’s down there trying to lure me into it. I have something of a self-destructive streak I grapple with - I tend to think about things that cause me pain. Irene would say she could see my gears turning and a mechanical look would come over me when we first met and something was bothering me. I tend to overthink things and always look for worst-case scenarios, but I have gotten much better since we've been together. I occasionally worry that I'm annoying her or disrespecting or not paying her enough attention. This is the self-destructive chaos of my worrisome mind working overtime.
To be fair, this is an entirely different kind of relationship and navigating it in actual practice is a little intimidating and confusing. Trying to separate my thoughts from what I think are her attempts at communicating via feeling into my thoughts and projected imagery is ... I don't even know how to describe it. Sometimes I wonder how much is me projecting and how much is really her.
I know there is a profound, unmistakable difference between an actual transdimensional event/visitation and implanted or projected thoughts and imagery. From the information I have actually interacting with clarity is a hyper-real experience and is unmistakable. I haven't had that kind of experience yet - where I can see her and hear her and feel her with crystal clarity - although that emotional touch was definitely overwhelming, and envisioning and the images of her popping in my head is very warm and comforting.
Every day, I talk to her all day and validate it when I think or feel like she's coming through. I tell her my sensations and thoughts so that on her side she can evaluate her attempts and actions and know what kind of effect they are having in my experience. I do this from the perspective that she is actually here and actually trying to communicate and be active in my life. I do feel a little panic when I go for too long a stretch without talking to her or feeling her, like when I concentrate on work or when I have to talk with or interact with other people for a a while.
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