When Transdimensional Becomes Normal

Some things we were talking about in the Zoom group yesterday got me to thinking about the difference between what I know about life and the afterlife now, and how I react and feel during the course of my days now. Even though I updated the group on many of the fantastic things Irene and I have experienced the past week or so, I hadn't even written down one that is probably the most incredible. Irene reminded me about it this morning.

In my life I've made a practice of changing my views and perspectives whenever they were not serving me well, some of it pretty deep stuff that resulted in - eventually - permanent psychological changes. In time, I would react, think and feel differently during the same kind of experiences, but it didn't happen overnight.

It can take a while before a conscious change of perspective works its way throughout your body and your subconscious. This is why habits are so hard to break; our bodies and minds naturally prefer their long-standing routines and thoughts. In the case of having a crossed-over soul mate, even though we may consciously know our loved ones are still with us, our bodies and subconscious may still react as if they are not. They have been trained to react in certain ways to what is observable through our physical senses, and we may have an entire worldview perspective that is unhelpful in moving forward in our new relationship situation. Family, friends and society in general usually reinforce the mental views, patterns and habits we may be working to get rid of.

We have an incredible wealth of information that tells us our loved ones are still right here with us after they die; that they can see us, hear us and feel us even though it can be very hard to sense them or appreciate their presence. My way of attempting t bridge this gap was largely by using my imagination and creating living patterns and habits centered around the this perspective - that Irene was and is right here with me, still walking the dogs with me, sitting down to drink coffee with me, eating with me, sleeping with me, and going out on the porch for a smoke now and then with me. In my mind, we are still driving into town every couple of weeks together; we are still together deciding landscaping decisions for our gardens and yards. We discuss family issues, what we are doing as far as increasing our interactive capacity, and what we want for the future. 

In the beginning it was hard and painful to think like that. Over time, it has become completely natural to me to act and think as if Irene was actually with me. Sometimes the change from trying to accept the idea of the continued presence of our loved ones, trying to actually feel like they are with us, to where we actually feel that way can be very subtle and can slip under the radar. 

For me, the grief ended and I didn't even realize it for month. Then what I call the normal pain and sorrow about it vanished under my radar. More and more information came to my attention that perfectly supported the ideas Irene and I had been exploring about what we are doing here and what kind of situation we are in right now. This way of thinking and interacting with her has become my ongoing way of life, to the point where, if someone unfamiliar with my situation is in the house, I have to try to remember to act as if Irene is **not** there.

A few days ago I was watching a show with Irene and the main character was absolutely devastated about the death of his wife. We had just been discussing some issues one of our children is having, but while we were watching this guy on TV have a complete grief breakdown I said to her, "Wow, and we think we have problems. Holy crap, I can't imagine what I'd be like if you died." 

A minute or so went by and Irene said to me, in my head, "Lover, I did die." Her tone was light and I could feel the smile on her face. It took me a second to realize that what she said was literally true. I laughed out loud, said "Holy crap!" and shook my head in a kind of wonder. "That's so crazy! I totally forgot." 

In that moment I realized I no longer even thought about myself as someone whose wife had died, nor did I think about our current relationship in those terms. The conscious, deliberate redirection of my internal narrative by using my imagination, visualization, and physical habits (like talking to her, making her coffee, etc.) has been working, over time, to actually change how I think, feel and react naturally in any given situation. I actually do not consider her "dead" or "gone." The proof was in how I reacted to that scene in the show; I didn't respond at all as if the same thing had happened to me. At all. I hadn't even realized how normal (at least, to me) our transdimensional relationship had become and how deeply it had settled into me physically and psychologically.

In the Zoom group Saturday, I told the group about a dream I had of Irene a few days ago. In the dream I was walking home through a city I used to live in. We were talking - I could hear her voice, but she wasn't actually there physically. In the dream, though, I didn't find the situation odd or abnormal. When I finally got home and walked in the door, she came in with my physically. She was right there. I sat on a bar stool and she came around, right in front of me where I could see her perfectly, and kissed me. She didn't say anything, but I could feel her emotions as if she was talking to me, telling me how happy she was that we were finally together again - completely together. 

Our current situation feels just like how that dream started out, and showed me where it is headed - which I already knew, intellectually, but that kind of encouragement and verification is still so wonderful to receive. The great thing is that, while I have believed/known all of this for the better part of a year, it's actually been taking root and changing me. I'm becoming a different person - a person in a normal, transdimensional relationship with his soul mate, who can see (and is confident of) their wonderful, eternal future together.