Unique Paths

In our Zoom Group one of the participants said something that got me to thinking - about how many people say they want contact with their crossed-over loved one, but are unwilling to put in much effort to make it happen.

From my own experience, I can say that a problem that I had to wrestle with in going down the path of developing a good transdimensional relationship with Irene was fear of failure. Sometimes I felt like it was just easier to hold on to the pain and live as best I could that way instead of compounding it by trying to develop communication and interaction with her and failing.

Every time I reached a new place of reduced grief and sorrow was like a tiny ledge on a sheer rock wall I was attempting to climb, a place I just wanted to set up camp and stay instead of risking it all by trying to go further. That's basic survival instinct - even if a state of existence is painful, if you can at least survive in that state, it's hard to risk it for the unknown.

On top of that issue, every foothold I gained was itself bittersweet, because I felt the pain connected me to Irene and I wondered if going past the pain would mean I would "move on" without her. It's a treacherous psychological path, full of doubts and fears, where staying in grief can be unbearable, and the way forward feels incredibly risky and without any guarantees or support.

There is no single right path to take simply because we are all individuals and this situation is unique in every case. For some, enduring the pain the rest of their lives may be the better option - I don't know. For others, one of those resting ledges may be where they want to pitch their tent and stay. There's nothing wrong with that, either.

In the state of grief, it doesn't take much to throw off whatever equilibrium we have mustered. I truly hope that this blog makes navigating this incredibly challenging situation at least somewhat easier for anyone reading it.