Love After Life

About a year before Irene crossed over she got the last piece of her puzzle from the dream she had of us; the black truck.  She joked then that she must be about to die because "Now I have everything." I generally drive around a couple a times a week in that truck doing local errands like going to the store or the post office basically to keep it in running condition, but mostly to feel help me feel connected to Irene.  We were probably out and around driving together in that truck only two or three times, but seeing that truck parked beside my driveway is a comfort. My daughter Ivori and my grandson Emanuel were over yesterday, and Emanuel asked about the truck.  I knew what he was getting at - he just got his driver's license.  I know he and Irene had talked about the truck; she and I had talked about it and that if things went that way, he should get to drive it if he still wanted it. However, shortly after she died someone brought it up and I said that I was ...

Irene plays music a lot in my head now and I love it. I wake up to it, and every now and then I realize I'm listening to one of "our" songs in my mind, or some other song. I woke up this morning to "Forever and For Always" by Shania Twain, and that put me in quite a happy place.  Imagine that - five months later and I can listen to "our" songs without always breaking down in sorrow missing her, but rather smile with happiness. That's not an accomplishment to be taken lightly.  I also realized I had stopped leaving the televisions on for her to watch (I figure they probably get TV in Heaven if they want to watch it).  I also can turn off all the lights now. I still feel a lump at times when I feel she's near (not every time, but sometimes), but we're working on that.  I want to feel delight and joy whenever she's near and zero pain or sorrow. That's part of our "fun and light-hearted" plan going forward - to "normal...

The past couple of days, even in the midst of realizing how far I've come in so short a time and being very grateful for it, I've had bouts of a rather strange, negative emotion.  Also I have started feeling a kind of loss of breath, almost like the heart-clutch feeling.  I think I'm actually feeling sorry for myself.  I'm having a difficult time believing this is me - I thought I might be picking up on someone else's feelings in the family, which is why I haven't said anything about it until now.  I was trying to figure out what it was. However, that's really what I don't need to do - try to figure that kind of thing out.  Until I get a clear path on anything set in front of me as the result of my intentions and affirmations, I don't need to do anything, much less try to "figure out" what is going on.  "Figuring something out" isn't an empowering perspective; creating and manifesting what I want to be is the empowering ...

I walked the dogs earlier and while outside I got to thinking about some of the AREI information and how it corresponded to some things I had been thinking about; about how I needed to learn to beef up my ability to trust, have faith, and use my intuition.  This is something Irene kept trying to tell me our entire time together here, and something we experienced over and over - to pray, intend, and affirm, but then to trust that the things that unfolded for us were leading us where we wanted to go even though it may not seem like it. Our role in the unfolding is simply to walk down the path as it does so, not to try to make things happen the way we think they ought, or to try to hurry it up - no matter how impatient we may be. One of my issues has always been over-thinking things - as I've talked about in the past in this blog.  I think it's probably pretty hard for Irene or my spirit guides to put images or thoughts in my head when I keep it occupied all the time. I realize...