Love After Life

My relationship with Irene has reached a state of such normalcy and connection that I'm not even experiencing "forlorn longing" or sadness with regards to her not being here physically any more.  Every day now I'm very comfortable in my knowledge that she is here with me, that I am talking with her, and what is in store for us going forward.  Just like when she was here physically, I can get to where I need to be with her in more direct contact, and I meditate to get more deeply in tune with our shared consciousness frequency, but that was the norm for both of us here. I can get that with only a few minutes of visualization meditation. There are times when I want a more direct contact from her and I feel her presence more vividly, which causes my heart to race and tears of love and joy come to my eyes.  It is an exquisite, intimate sensation. I can just tell her I need to get a "dose" and she provides it.  When we were together we could just tell each othe...

There's an emotion I feel often which I refer to as the sensation of coming into frequency contact with Irene.  It began many months ago, if you go back and read the blog, as a panic-attack like feeling in my upper chest and throat, but it wasn't entirely a bad feeling - I immediately thought it felt like Irene was close and it was affecting me negatively because of my grief and sorrow.  As time has progressed, that sensation has slowly changed, no longer triggering my grief or intense feelings of loss or self-pity.  I've thought about how to try to describe it, and I'm going to give it a shot here. Most of the sensation is a powerful sense of appreciation borne of loss of that which I value most. It is not just "appreciation", which is a great feeling in itself, but it is a form of appreciation that is very deep and meaningful, an appreciation you can only have after losing that which you love the most.  It is only then that you can know how much that which...

Something I have found that I have to keep in mind is not to assign too much significance to simply feeling bad or sad.  Today hasn't been a great day.  I'm working on getting the title transfer for the truck and felt sad for a while a few times.  The air is thick and hot and I was up late watching the game with one of my sons.  Meditation has been great and I've stuck to my routine, but I just don't feel as good as I have been. That's normal life, however.  Sometimes you don't feel good.  We all have things we can feel sad about from time to time.  Not everything needs to be put into context of what "the problem" may be with my efforts to increase communication with Irene.  There's no reason to assume there is any problem. Some sadness about our situation is completely normal and reflective of my longing to be with her in the Astral; again, it's what one would expect even under normal circumstances of being apart from your loved one. Somet...

Last night I started getting sad so I went outside and sat on the swing and talked to Irene.  At first I thought that I was missing her - natural enough, nothing to be overly concerned about.  This was sticking longer so I started examining the sensation and realized I wasn't missing the Irene that had passed away, or even the Irene that I had been with for 27 years.  I wasn't even missing Irene , per se. I was actually longing for us , but not any version of us that ever existed in this world.  Oh, believe me, we had our moments - many of them.  Some of our "moments" lasted a long time and many were very, very special - well worth remembering and even revisiting/reliving if we get the chance. Long conversations, long drives, humor, intimacy, passion. The thing is, though, that even though we are soul mates, there wasn't a time that we were together in this world that we were not heavily laden with issues, responsibilities and burdens, internal and external....