Love After Life

The past couple of days I've had the most amazing realization.  It has to do with some stuff I haven't even written about here because I've been wanting to save it for the Afterlife Adventures book, but after this explosive self-realization I can't contain myself any longer. Lately I've been using my hypnagogic states when I lay down to imagine and explore activities Irene and I will be engaging in once together in the afterlife, along with what we want to experience it.  Included in this is my imagining afterlife "technologies" that would be joyful and delightful, like the "creative world experience generator" system I might have written about here before - I can't really remember. Anyway, it gives us the capacity to use a technological interface (which really appears more like a mystical interface out of a Dr. Strange movie) to, for example, change the world and sky around our home (the castle on an outcropping of rock by the ocean) to ...

Today the meditation was back to being really deep and giving me a "high", like a buzz. I also felt like my energetic inner body was trying several times to leave my physical body.  What a great sensation - it left me feeling very good. The meditations I use primarily now start with some controlled breathing and a mental focus on the patterns in the darkness in front of my eyes.  Something that has helped me today is just setting aside any concerns about my legs or feet going to sleep - if they do, I'll just have to take a few minutes to get them working right.  Apparently just that thought has dramatically changed my comfort level.  Also, I don't worry about sitting straight up - a relaxed position leaning slightly back is fine. This has also apparently helped a lot. After focusing on my sight, I have begun envisioning and imagining Irene's hand.  I can actually remember the sensation of what it is like to touch her hand - what her skin feels like.  Fo...

During my session this morning I saw this swirling light as if it was a moon and dark clouds were rotating around it, partially covering it up. It lasted a full minute or two.  Easily envisioned Irene curled up with me on the couch, she gave me a kiss which popped a big smile on my face.  I feel really good this morning. Wow. I was just listening to Eben Alexander’s account of his NDE [see the link in the sidebar "A Neurosurgeon's Journey through the Afterlife"]  and he talked about seeing a “slowly spinning white light”.  That’s the first time I’ve ever heard an NDEer say the light was spinning – the light I saw earlier was more like moonlight, but it wasn’t anything like anything I’ve ever seen before when meditating.  By the way, when I meditate I see all kinds of stuff – moving forms and blobs, what looks like the outlines of some kind of architecture, patterns, things that I’ve always thought were probably “floaters” in my eye, etc – stuff that’s not i...

I had a good morning session, 40 minutes of meditating.  Still have felt sad on and off during the morning, did 20 more minutes about 9:30.  Still going through something I’m trying to evaluate, like I’m trying to accept and understand what I’m really doing and why, and who I am going to be in this.  What am I really trying to do here? Survive long enough to go back to a semblance of a normal life?  What could that possibly look like without Irene?  What is my purpose here?  What should I be striving for here?  Do I think it is really possible for me to actually join up with Irene in spirit while I am still living here, and experience us together on the other side for real - not just imagined, envisioned, or really strongly felt? I had to meditate for 30 more minutes, I’m crashing this afternoon. Nothing I do seems to stop it.  I feel like I’ve lost everything and nothing will bring it back.  I can’t seem to feel or envision Irene....