Monday, April 17, 2017 Irene Changes The Channel

Today I paused the TV to get up and get something out of the kitchen and the TV changes by itself to another channel. I was going to watch a recorded show anyway so I sat down and started a recorded show and watched it a bit, paused the recording and got busy doing other things. A couple of hours later I finished watching my show, then switched to live TV and realized it was on ID network – a network I haven’t watched in a week. Apparently Irene changed the channel to ID network right in front of me, I just didn’t realize it at the time. That was one of her favorite networks.

When things like this happen I always acknowledge it. I talk to Irene virtually all day long every day, unless there are other people around. I've even started acknowledging and talking to other people who have passed who I think will probably be around - my mom, dad and brother; Irene's son Jamie; her biological dad Karl and mom Lynette; and her step-father Donnie. I also acknowledge the presence of Cory, the son of my good friend Trey. 

I talk to Irene and act as if she is around me, envisioning her as often as possible, for a reason beyond merely seeking comfort and continuity. Something we believed in was the manifesting power of prayer and affirmations, and that one should live as if something is true if that is what they wish to be true. Our life is a long, long history of having faith, praying, affirming and living in gratitude and love as all of our dreams not only came true, but came true in a way that was even better than we could have imagined. We have a saying, a kind of motto about our love and our life - "the Reality is Better than the Fantasy" because at every juncture and change, even after every challenge and problem, we came away stronger and more in love than ever, and life became even sweeter and better than we previously thought possible.

So, as she and I had discussed before her passing, I'm continuing to do that same prayer & affirmation and "living as if" as we did before in order to develop our relationship going forward. There is not and never has been any thought of trying to "move on" or trying to "get over it"; this is about us moving forward and both of us doing what we can from both sides of this to continue our relationship going forward to see what we can accomplish. The idea of leaving my relationship with Irene behind as a beautiful and treasured memory is incomprehensible to me. 

She's my eternal soul-mate. The depth and completeness of our love for each other would probably be considered unhealthy by some. I don't have the slightest need or desire for anyone else in that sense. She is the only on that makes me feel complete. I still feel her completely and totally in my heart and mind; the challenging aspect of this is that I cannot physically see her, hear her or touch her.

Every day I do all I can with thoughts, actions, feelings and words to manifest our future together as a joyous, happy, and fulfilling transdimensional soul-mate marriage for as long as I'm still in this world. I know she's doing the same. I'm excited to see what we can make happen.

As the day ends, I'm still feeling relatively good. I feel the presence of something in my heart, protecting me from too much pain or despair. I feel like she is protecting me. I am constantly talking to her and envisioning her.