Sunday, April 16, 2017 - The 43 Year Old Note

Our other son Mike and Gerra stayed at the house the rest of the week and Robert and another daughter,  Ivori, were over about every day. I spent the past few days getting some of Irene's affairs in order, such as applying for a death certificate and notifying doctors and services.  I also had the kids take things of hers they wanted. Today everyone had left and I was doing some work and cleaning up.  Gerra had gone through the desk by the bed and I wanted to find Irene's pocket calendars (which she kept years of, with daily notes throughout), so I could find some information about when our dogs might need flea and tick meds because summer was coming up. It's astounding how much information a married couple relies upon each other to have. Irene kept track of all sorts of things even while battling her illness.    

Looking through her stuff was very emotional. How much every little thing means to you when a loved one passes!  I found an old notepad marked “recipes” and  threw away some recipe notes she had made on the front page so that I could use the notepad (she had lots of barely-used notepads).  I flipped through the pad and didn't see anything written inside so I tossed it onto the bed behind me with some other pads. When I went to pick it up I took it by its back and it opened to reveal her handwriting on the backside of the back two pages. I just happened to pick it up in a way that I saw those passages.

Glancing at the entry the pages were dated ’74 at the top - I didn't initially make out the rest of the date.  Both pages were her writing about the loneliness and despair she felt because she had no one in her life to love, talk to or who loved her, and that was all she wanted in life. It broke my heart. I burst into tears..  I put the notepad down and felt so sad for that lonely, despairing 17 year old girl.

Then I could feel Irene telling me that we had given her everything she ever wanted in life. I started feeling immensely grateful and happy, even through my heartache, about the life that 17 year old had ultimately lived.  I felt so comforted that I and all of our children had been able to fill her life with the love and companionship she had so desperately wanted.  

I was dumbfounded that this note had lasted 43 years through many moves to many different states she had made in her life, now tucked away in the back of a drawer of a nightstand.  I doubt she even knew it was there.  An hour or so later I read the notes again and felt the urge to look at the date again – it was dated April 16, 1974 when she had written those notes.  I got up and went to the living room and the digital clock said it was April 16, 2017.  She wrote those notes exactly 43 years ago to the very day!  I knew this was Irene's way of telling me she was here and to know beyond doubt that she had a completely fulfilled life.