Love After Life

I've been trying to write this post since yesterday morning. Maybe this time I'll be able to do it justice. First off, I've never been a "love and light" or an "it's all about love" kind of guy. Love is great, don't get me wrong. I've been madly in love with Irene pretty much from the day we met. I've felt my love for her, but never felt her love for me until she crossed over. I mean, I knew she loved me madly - she told me often and demonstrated it and I would often feel lit up inside because of it, but it felt like my emotion, not hers. I think that in this world, this inability to actually feel the love other people have for us is the root of most of our insecurities, doubts and fears when it comes to these kinds of romantic, partnering relationships. You never know what the other person is actually thinking or feeling. Sure, you trust them, but there's still this gap simply because we don't really see or feel what...

The other day Irene took control of my iPad while I was laying in bed looking over some things of interest. She opened up iBooks (took several times with me shutting it down before I realized it was her) and kept trying to open the book "The Phase", which is about a supposedly easy technique for astral projection. She kept trying to open the book so I opened it myself, then she flipped through several pages and landed on one page that had a diagram of two overlapping two, one marked "REM Sleep" and the other "Consciousness", with the common area marked "The Phase", including lucid dreaming, astral projection, out of body experiences, etc. She enlarged the diagram to get my attention. During all this, I was holding the iPad up and away from me with my palms only touching the edge of the case. She then flipped back and forth several times on a few pages, which I took to mean that she wanted me to read those pages in particular. I did so. ...

The evening of December 5th, after the Automatic Writing Zoom group, I felt all my emotions simply turn off, immediately putting me in a completely dispassionate, detached and totally ambivalent state.  Nothing seemed to cause it or logically precede it, it just happened, like someone went in and turned it all off with the flick of a switch. I felt nothing. No fear, no doubt, no concern, no love for Irene, no love for anyone. I was unworried about my lack of feelings.  There was no reaction to it from me, other than just observation. There were things I could see from this perspective with both a visual and just a "knowledge" sense; Irene and I are eternal twin flame soul mates and what we imagine together is real. I could see what the grief we experienced was going to add to our relationship going forward, and that it was worth paying that price.  More than anything else, I could see that all of this was our choice - even the part about us being twin flames.  We cho...

I will, at some point, explain in more depth that state change I wrote about in my last blog post. Irene's been using the chimes above the couch to "chime in" when we're talking.  I noticed this happening the other day, when we were sitting there talking and during one very lovely moment I heard a single chime tone. It happened the next day. I don't normally hear those chimes ringing - they are, after all, inside.  After I realized what was going on, I had forgotten about it and walked in an sat down.  Then I remembered the chimes and looked up, because I wondered if a draft was moving them to make them chime.  I looked up.  The chimes were perfectly still. I pointed at them and asked, is that you? The chimes immediately started moving - just barely, starting to spin a little bit. I've been watching the chimes more closely.  When the furnace kicks on, the feathers on the chime move quite a bit, but that wasn't what was going on the other day - the fe...

Last night after the Automatic Writing Zoom meeting, I felt a very significant change in my mental/emotional state.  It was very subtle but very profound, but I actually felt it happen.  I haven't fully processed it yet.  I really just wanted to mark the day here so I would be able to track the exact day.  The most I can say is that it feels like every bit of subconscious conditioning that caused doubt and fear just got turned off.  I didn't get much sleep and then my son came over so I haven't had a chance to do much reflection on it with Irene, and relatives (and the Zoom meetings) usually screw up my state, so I'm just seeing where this goes before I say much about it. It happened in the evening on Dec. 5, 2018, and I just felt different, like I'm in a completely secure, confident and normal relationship with Irene.   That's my initial impression, but it has brought up some entirely unforseen and unconsidered thoughts and reactions. More later. I ju...

Irene and I have been spending a LOT of time together focusing on my being able to see her, touch her, and hear her.  Yesterday we spent 4-5 hours total.  Last week we went three days like that and it culminated in an extremely serene, almost transcendent sensation of being together, without any trace of worries or doubt. Then family came in and other obligations and I found myself feeling a little numb and disconnected, but I went right back to it and felt totally reconnected very quickly.  I started mentally talking to Irene and envisioning her while family was here to try to maintain the connection. I've honestly been feeling like I'm going to have to tell my family to stay away unless I figure out how to keep their presence from disconnecting me from Irene.  So, I've been working some on techniques to solve that problem. What this has shown us is that it's all about attention. Yes people, myself included, use the terms "vibration" and "frequency"...