Saturday Morning, April 22, 2017 The First Dream

Either I am still in shock or Irene is still protecting my heart because I felt fine when I went to sleep last night.  I haven't had any trouble at all going to sleep.  I do leave the TVs on to channels I think Irene might enjoy watching - kind of a silly notion, but it makes me feel more connected to her.  I always talk to her as I fall asleep (well, I talk to her all day long), but so far no real pain or sorrow, just a kind of dreamy sense of love and connection.  

Just before I woke up I had a few seconds of dream of Irene that I remember, she was in her shorts-overalls outfit from the big picture I made for the Celebration of Life and she looked like she did in that picture. She was coming in through a doorway saying “It got warm in here” – clear as a bell I heard her voice.  I was so excited I woke up. It jogged my memory that a few weeks before she passed I had a very sweet dream of us when we were younger that I told her about when I woke up.  

I don’t dream often or at least don’t remember it.  Very cool that I heard her so clearly and was able to remember her so distinctly. Had a nice talk with her over coffee this morning where I felt her touch again. I’m going to have to come up with a name for that sensation.  It's an incredible sensation.  I would think that the sensation could easily be mistaken for some kind of emotional pain in the beginning because it's unlike anything else.  Also, I think that if such sensations are when the departed touch us, it could be a purely good feeling that might generate some sadness inside because it is that person and we physically, psychologically react in a kind of automatic way with pain because a part of us insists that they're "gone".

I started noticing that every time I set her coffee out, later in the day when I pick it up there is a white drawing of a blooming flower in the coffee.