Love After Life

For the past nine days I've been on a new food regimen, and for the past five I've developed a new daily habits and activities schedule.  This has all been accomplished by ordering my conception of things in terms of my relationship with Irene, contributing to our creative energy reservoir, and by relating habits, thoughts and activities here with what I imagine their counterparts to be in the afterlife. IOW, I'm trying to behave as if I am already "in the afterlife" with Irene now - because, in truth, I realize now that I am.  This has produced more energy, motivation and enthusiasm that I've had in a very long time. For my entire life I've pretty much felt that all work and activity in life was ultimately futile because the nature of this world ultimately destroys everything I do here; but now I see that efforts have more far-reaching and much longer-lasting impact in dimensions I cannot see right now. The "afterlife" and my current experienc...

Irene has been sending me some really nice "hello" signs lately.  Three times she has made it so when I turn on the TV, it's on one of her favorite shows on channels I don't ever watch, so there's no reason for the TV to be on those channels at all.  No one else lives here and there's absolutely no other reason why the TV would be on those channels.  I've also had some very short dreams of her. Last night during one of those dreams I was just watching as she was being made up, dressed and her hair styled by two or three other women, like she was a queen.  That's something she always said when she wanted something her way - "Because I'm the Queen". I woke up feeling so great.  She looked so good in that dream and she talked to me some in it and it just made me euphoric.  Then when I turned the TV one of her favorite shows was on - Fixer Upper, on HGTV. The night before I had left it on a different channel when I went to bed.  That really p...

It's just so unbelievable, when you think about it, how far Irene and I have come in so short a time.  Not even a year has passed since she crossed over, and our connection is so good and our visualizations together are so immensely satisfying, our communication so easy, it's like I'm living in a dream world that keeps getting better and better.  The feeling is like living in a constant state of varying degrees of euphoria. She can shoot me a look, a playful smile, a sarcastic comment and it will just go all through me like someone shot me up with heroin (well, what I imagine that must feel like - I've never tried it). To think of how I felt not that long ago - the dark despair, the searing pain, the sense of hopelessness - and to compare it with what we have now, I can't say enough just how remarkable it is.  I don't say that in the sense of "Look what I've accomplished!" , but rather in the sense of "Holy crap! Who would have ever though...

Irene has really been giving me some good connection sensations the past few days.  I'll feel her, my breath will catch and my heart will race, I'll get a big goofy smile and my eyes get misty, sometimes several times a day.  My meditation has just been fantastic - long meditations where I talk to her, easily visualize her, and just go into a deep vibration of peace and happiness.  Lately she's been popping into my head in different dresses and outfits. Once while I was pouring coffee she appeared, in my mind, sitting on the counter dressed up in some kind of a New-Agey Native American outfit.  She always had a thing about Native Americans.  We have a whole room dedicated to that motif with puzzles we did up on the walls and various knick-nacks, statues and pictures.  Earlier when I was talking with her on the porch she appeared on my lap dressed like that and said, "You like this?" and I just burst out laughing.  She is always so playful and quick-...

I was sitting on the porch talking with Irene, and I was thinking about how often I had wish I had already crossed over or lamented the fact that I was still here - not that my life here isn't a good one, it is. I often semi-joke with my spirit team, "I finished the will! Ready to go, any time now!" A realization came over me, though, that Irene and I are on such an exquisite journey right now. Hard, painful, at times sorrowful, made more difficult by fear and doubt - yet, I know how this journey turns out. I know what is waiting for me, and I know it will be all the sweeter, all the more joyous, all the more triumphant because of the difficulty of the path. Sure, I could have died with her - that would have been much easier. And finding ourselves together in the astral at the same time would have been great, but I know for certain it wouldn't have been anything like the experience I see ahead for us - a magnificent, glorious reunion that can only be had through a pai...

To continue from yesterday, I don't know what it was but it felt like I was coming down with something.  I continued to feel worse until Wheel of Fortune came on and, in my mind, Irene was there with me as usual and I completely calmed down and felt much better mentally and emotionally, even though I still felt a little under the weather.  I had to keep reminding myself to stop thinking, to stop trying to figure it out, that when I felt like that it's time to just get through and let time pass until I feel better.  I told myself I'd feel fine in the morning - and I do! It's so baffling how, when I feel that way, all these strange and unsettling thoughts and mental/emotional sensations manifest.  Also, my ability to even think about those thoughts and feelings rationally or objectively becomes impaired and I end up fueling them somehow.  This morning I'm thinking that "trying to figure something out", which used to be my "go-to" process, is ac...

I can't believe how great I feel today. I feel chemically transformed, like I'm someone new. I feel like a young man who just fell in love, like I did when Irene and I first met.  Thinking of her and joining her in the astral world fills me with such excitement and anticipation!  This is the feeling I had for those two weeks just after she died - the time of grace I was given to show me what our relationship could be like even with us in two different dimensions. I just didn't know what it was at the time or how it could possibly come to be real. Yet, here I am, feeling absolutely like the luckiest guy in the universe - I know who the love of my existence is; I know where she is; I know I'll be with her soon; I know we'll be able to spend eternity living our ideal life.  Unbelievable. It's really an amazing feeling. I had no expectation I could actually get to this point.  I don't know if it will last, but to be here and know it is a reality can, I think, ...