Love After Life

The subtitle on this blog reads [used to read, now I've changed it - WJM] : "My attempt to develop a fulfilling relationship with my soul-mate after she passed from the physical."  Amazingly, I now have a fulfilling relationship with Irene even though she has crossed over. That relationship is as good now, if not even better, than it was before.  I say "even better" because we have seen it not only survive but grow stronger because of this challenge.  Sometime during the day yesterday I realized that I have actually accomplished what I originally set out to do, but I have already expanded the scope of what I wish to achieve if possible. Originally, I was only keeping track of all the signs and messages that Irene was sending.  When I realized the only way I would be able to survive her passing was if I could keep our relationship and contact alive, I turned that into a journal, mainly to remind myself during dark times that there were times when I did feel who...

This morning I was thinking more about what I wrote about yesterday and realized that what we've accomplished here in just four months is nothing short of miraculous, every bit as miraculous as it would be for me to astral project and be able to see, hear and touch Irene again. For those of you who may not have ever experienced the kind of grief you experience after the love of your life dies (not necessarily your spouse; it could be a child, parent or someone else), that deep and profound pain is unlike anything else. For many, it ruins everything for pretty much the rest of their lives. As my friend who lost his child told me, you never experience joy again without also feeling the pain of that loss. That kind of grief carries with it an entirely different way of experiencing the world. Even when you feel good, you feel the loss and you also often feel guilty for feeling good. If you aren't thinking about your loved one for even a small time, you're heartbroken about ...

I woke up feeling great, spent time praying and “prayer manifesting”, spent quiet time listening and feeling and looking for Irene to manifest, felt some sensations and told her about them – whether or not they are her, I would think she needs feedback from me and also the feedback is part of the manifestation aspect of the project. I can't just assume  she knows everything I'm experiencing. I took dogs in to  have them groomed – like the trip to the animal clinic earlier, it was a wasted trip. Can’t get groomed without shot records.  That’s two trips to town that were largely unnecessary past couple of days. I don't like going to to town unless I have to - driving takes too much out of me, leaving me weak and open to negative/sad influences. Spent more time praying. Felt some sorrow – it felt just like I was about to sneeze, so I sat down started praying and let the tears roll and sobs come out. Felt good afterward, still feel like there’s some down in ther...

I feel so good today, that doubt and fear driven away at least for the time being.  I totally know Irene is here.  That commercial is still blowing my mind. Something I learned today is we are always connected mentally and spiritually, so I can talk to her even while she’s not in this particular physical area – when she’s out doing other things in the spirit world or with other people in this world. I don’t have to always imagine her here and it’s okay to focus on locations here while talking, like her papasan chair, even though she may not be right there – she can still hear me, and such locations give me something to focus on when I speak – it helps to comfort me.  She understands the situation completely. Gave Marley (one of our Pekingese, along with Pico) a bath today and an examination while I brushed him and a lot of my concerns about possible growths, tangles and matted hair appear to be unfounded.  We’re going to the groomer tomorrow morning and I didn’t...

I woke up about 2:30 in the morning.  Wasn’t in pain, actually felt okay emotionally.  About 10 minutes after I woke up Ivori texted me saying they had been up all night trying to fix plumbing – something I remember Irene and I doing a few times at our previous house.  I decided I’d better put some food in my stomach and take a couple more pills before I went back to sleep, so I heated up  a tortilla, sat down and turned on the TV.  Right at that point the Cowboys were next in line to make their first draft pick.  I couldn't believe it and laughed out loud thanking Irene. The pain meds  for my tooth seem to be dulling my emotional pain as well. I can feel it back in the background like a giant rabid bear ready to tear me apart, but it stays in the background as I function the rest of the day.  I pick up one of our other daughters, Freya, to bring her out  to the house for a visit. After I took her home, there was a song on the radio ...

Jessie, Robert's daughter (our granddaughter) came by to look through Irene’s things and she was looking for a particular little bottle that Irene used to tell her, when she was little, that a genie would come out of if she opened it. She looked through the bottles but couldn’t find it. Finally she just said that she really wanted that little bottle and was then led right to it in the nick-knacks where she didn’t think it was.  She also found the Batgirl mask that had been missing - we had looked all through that stuff when we were searching for it! I playfully talked to Irene about her hide-and-seek game with the mask, validating her.  I realize I may mistake a coincidence for a deliberate event, but she knows I'm doing the best I can.  I'd rather validate mistakenly than not say anything at all, if for nothing else to let her know I appreciate all she's doing. Today I have felt so good about things.  I’m much, much more comfortable with our (Irene and my) ...

Today I went into Waco to pick up Irene’s death certificates that had finally been authorized, and place her obit placed in the a local paper.  I also stopped by and ordered  a new storm door for the front and after going home, walking the dogs and eating, went to Temple to get the obit placed there in the Daily Telegram. Irene was with me all day – literally all day long. I felt her presence all day and she touched me with that amazing contact experience several times. I’m starting to comprehend that sensation – in one respect it’s overwhelming happiness, but another part is like trying to explain an orgasm.  It’s just indescribable.  I envisioned her flirting with me and playing with me and it seemed she put all sorts of fun and cool images in my mind. I heard her voice several times in my mind telling me she loves me and making funny and sarcastic comments.  Sometimes she just sat next to me.  It’s really hard to express some of this ...