Monday, April 24, 2017 The Upside

Today I went into Waco to pick up Irene’s death certificates that had finally been authorized, and place her obit placed in the a local paper.  I also stopped by and ordered  a new storm door for the front and after going home, walking the dogs and eating, went to Temple to get the obit placed there in the Daily Telegram. Irene was with me all day – literally all day long. I felt her presence all day and she touched me with that amazing contact experience several times. I’m starting to comprehend that sensation – in one respect it’s overwhelming happiness, but another part is like trying to explain an orgasm.  It’s just indescribable.  I envisioned her flirting with me and playing with me and it seemed she put all sorts of fun and cool images in my mind. I heard her voice several times in my mind telling me she loves me and making funny and sarcastic comments.  Sometimes she just sat next to me. 

It’s really hard to express some of this without sounding like a raving lunatic.  Most of the time I’m just so happy for her and us.  We get to be together all the time now. She has no sickness holding her back.  She’s her full, powerful, beautiful, young, vibrant awesome self.  Most of the time I envision her as she is in the glamour shot, but often she appears as other ages and times just to have fun with me.

I’m experiencing this deep, profound sense of relief and freedom. I’m with my soul mate; I will always be with my soul mate.  I don’t have to worry about it.  I can talk to her any time and she’s there.  I can listen or look for her and know she’s there.  That bond means we are always together even when we are physically apart.  It’s the most amazing sensation.  I haven’t experienced real grief once since she died. I have experienced sadness in short bursts here and there for very short durations but it seems she comes and blows it away like she’s blowing out a candle. Sadness can sneak up but simply disappears.

Another aspect of this is that now I feel this much greater degree of intimacy with her, which is very freeing and liberating.  I feel we are in total real, complete union and understanding.

Gerra called to tell me that she thought Irene was doing some cool stuff to get her finances straightened out.  A random call from a random number was looking for Veronica, but it turned into Gerra getting her default student loan situation sorted out through an official forgiveness program.