The Effects Of The Answer?
I woke up this morning actually feeling satisfied and happy. I don't think I realized how big a weight that single unanswered question from yesterday has been weighing on me. In fact, it's something I realize now has been weighing on me my entire life - but I definitely see why it was important for me to not know the answer until now - to really, truly experience the lack and loss I came here to experience. Knowing that I came here for that reason changes everything in a fundamental way.
I can also now understand why some come here to experience truly horrible conditions and events. That sense of deep appreciation afterward is not something that can be faked or learned academically or through simulation. It all makes sense to me now.
I'm not saying this is the reason everyone comes here - I don't think that's the case by any means. But for me, it puts my life in a perspective were I can really understand it and accept it and see clearly why the things that have happened my life happened, why I would plan it out this way. It's really quite amazing looking at it in retrospect.
It's 3:00 pm. I wanted to let some time go by to give me some more time to feel how this is going since that question got answered. Everything feels different today. I don't know if it will last, but I was able to listen to music and not get sad. I haven't felt sad all day. I've felt really good. I haven't yet started to feel that kind of panicky pull that makes me stop everything to meditate or pray. I did my normal morning session and then another meditation around noon for no reason other than my desiring to do the work to be able to astral project and visit Irene. It was in no part about warding off pain, doubt or fear, or to calm down. Generally I start getting a little jumpy/weird every few hours and that's when I meditate or attempt an astral projection.
My meditation was really good - I was in that deep "relaxation vortex" I heard on a video yesterday. Yesterday and today I noticed something new in the gray/black stuff I see with my eyes shut; slightly lighter areas that seem to bloom and grow almost like watching someone paint with subdued light on glass from the back side. I've never seen that before. I felt like my energy body was ready to leave my physical body at any second throughout the meditation.
Also, it's been really easy to envision Irene today. I've been thinking about what it would be like to do this spiritual journey without the pain, sorrow, fear or doubt. More advancing towards what I desire, less running from what pains me. So far, so good!
I can also now understand why some come here to experience truly horrible conditions and events. That sense of deep appreciation afterward is not something that can be faked or learned academically or through simulation. It all makes sense to me now.
I'm not saying this is the reason everyone comes here - I don't think that's the case by any means. But for me, it puts my life in a perspective were I can really understand it and accept it and see clearly why the things that have happened my life happened, why I would plan it out this way. It's really quite amazing looking at it in retrospect.
It's 3:00 pm. I wanted to let some time go by to give me some more time to feel how this is going since that question got answered. Everything feels different today. I don't know if it will last, but I was able to listen to music and not get sad. I haven't felt sad all day. I've felt really good. I haven't yet started to feel that kind of panicky pull that makes me stop everything to meditate or pray. I did my normal morning session and then another meditation around noon for no reason other than my desiring to do the work to be able to astral project and visit Irene. It was in no part about warding off pain, doubt or fear, or to calm down. Generally I start getting a little jumpy/weird every few hours and that's when I meditate or attempt an astral projection.
My meditation was really good - I was in that deep "relaxation vortex" I heard on a video yesterday. Yesterday and today I noticed something new in the gray/black stuff I see with my eyes shut; slightly lighter areas that seem to bloom and grow almost like watching someone paint with subdued light on glass from the back side. I've never seen that before. I felt like my energy body was ready to leave my physical body at any second throughout the meditation.
Also, it's been really easy to envision Irene today. I've been thinking about what it would be like to do this spiritual journey without the pain, sorrow, fear or doubt. More advancing towards what I desire, less running from what pains me. So far, so good!
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