Love After Life

Watching that "You're Still The One" video by Shania Twain got me to thinking about some of the structure of our lives and how improbable it all was.  That song came out in 1997 and we immediately adopted it as another "our song", seven years after we got together.  We never watched music videos so we never saw that video. We also never even thought much about the beach, much less living by the beach.  Twenty years later, after Irene passes, it comes to me that our place in the astral is by the beach, that it would be the perfect place for us given what I think our astral lives would be like.  It just clicked, even though in this life I've never really been much of a beach or ocean guy.   Then yesterday, when I saw that video for the first time, when she sings "Looks like we made it," at the beginning of the song, the image is a house by the beach, and the whole song is about "finally making it" together, and the whole thing looks like...

The past couple of days, even in the midst of realizing how far I've come in so short a time and being very grateful for it, I've had bouts of a rather strange, negative emotion.  Also I have started feeling a kind of loss of breath, almost like the heart-clutch feeling.  I think I'm actually feeling sorry for myself.  I'm having a difficult time believing this is me - I thought I might be picking up on someone else's feelings in the family, which is why I haven't said anything about it until now.  I was trying to figure out what it was. However, that's really what I don't need to do - try to figure that kind of thing out.  Until I get a clear path on anything set in front of me as the result of my intentions and affirmations, I don't need to do anything, much less try to "figure out" what is going on.  "Figuring something out" isn't an empowering perspective; creating and manifesting what I want to be is the empowering ...

I went to sleep last night thinking about sleep and how it is the perfect vehicle for astral traveling and projection. You are already going into a deep, relaxed state prone to altered forms of consciousness; you are in a perfectly relaxed position where your body is safe for hours to come; and I've read where you actually do astral travel almost every night to speak with your spirit guides - but you don't remember it.  Also, in my case, I've already had a couple of fully conscious vision events after falling asleep. This morning I woke up feeling great, happy, and like I was perfectly balanced.  I could feel the emotion and appreciation in me again.  It's perfectly normal to miss Irene; I don't want that feeling to disappear.  I like the feeling of anticipation and excited longing to see her, hear her and hold her, and my appreciation for when we are together, just like any time we were apart in life.  My angst and rebellion is gone about why I'm still here...

In my July 15 blog post , I talked about getting a confirmation that Irene and I were creative designers of clothes and outfits (among other things) in the afterlife. Yesterday, 2 weeks later,  I saw an interesting link in my Facebook scroll about designing your own clothes and other items via an online shop called Vida .  Now, I've put some of my graphic designs on t-shirts and tried to sell them through online shps like Cafe Press and Zazzle, but that was completely unfulfilling because of the small box area on the shirts they allow for the design. At Vida, you get to do the art design for the entire piece of clothing - exactly what I was envisioning a couple of weeks ago. I set up a shop in a few minutes with a few designs I already had. It's amazing that now, shortly after it coming to me and it being confirmed, I actually have a shop online where I can do exactly what I had envisioned (albeit with a limited set of clothing pieces) without any expense to me whatsoever. ...

Every single day after my wife passed on April 11 of this year, I've made her coffee the way she likes it as usual and set it on the coffee table where I used to, and I sit where I have always, next to her - where I believe she sits, with me. At the end of the day, when I go to take her cup, there has been a white drawing in her coffee - the same drawing every single day up until about 5 days ago.  I posted a picture and made a note of in on my Facebook account on June 11, I think About 5 days ago I told her that if she didn't want me to make her coffee anymore, stop drawing in it. I think somewhere in my mind I had subconsciously attributed the drawing to natural causes, because it was the same drawing every day. It looked like a blooming flower to me. I didn't for a moment think it would stop. At the end of the day, there was no drawing. Nothing. Just a cup of coffee. My jaw dropped and I instantly realized that I didn't for a second seriously think the phenomena...

Yesterday was amazing in many ways just because I felt normal to really good all day long, even though I drove to town twice, had people in the house the entire day, and only got to do one real session.  I didn’t feel any panic or pain – I only felt a comfortable and comforting arrangement with Irene and my spirit crew where I realized that some days I were going to be like that and it was okay to focus on the physical during those times. It doesn’t mean care about her less; it doesn’t mean I’m less interested in pursuing our new direction; it doesn’t mean that I am less motivated to meditate myself towards better clarity with her; it doesn’t mean we are moving apart. It just means that our relationship is adjusting, moving away from my desperate, panic- and pain-filled need for her towards a healthier, more fulfilling, confident and joyful dynamic that must include my participation in the physical world while I am here. I’ve been trying to figure out if there’s some ...

Wow, two days gone by and I didn’t write!  That’s a first.  The good news is that I’ve been on a pretty even keel, with multiple 15-minute sessions a day and pretty busy days. I visited a friend of mine that lost his son some time ago and had a good talk about grief.  Couple of the key things that have come to me the past couple of days: #1 – I cannot force or work my way into a more clear interaction with Irene or into having more of those intense good experiences – that is up to God.  What I can do is do my new session routine, which is a 15 minute combination of talking to Irene, praying and focusing/meditating on my manifestation key phrases at my “third eye” location, and do it for several reasons – to sit down with Irene and talk and listen; as a preventative; as a manifestation technique; as prayer; to help when I feel like I’m in trouble.  This is the work I do to achieve my goal; it doesn't deliver the goal. Only God can do that. #2 – I do not...

I had a good morning session, 40 minutes of meditating.  Still have felt sad on and off during the morning, did 20 more minutes about 9:30.  Still going through something I’m trying to evaluate, like I’m trying to accept and understand what I’m really doing and why, and who I am going to be in this.  What am I really trying to do here? Survive long enough to go back to a semblance of a normal life?  What could that possibly look like without Irene?  What is my purpose here?  What should I be striving for here?  Do I think it is really possible for me to actually join up with Irene in spirit while I am still living here, and experience us together on the other side for real - not just imagined, envisioned, or really strongly felt? I had to meditate for 30 more minutes, I’m crashing this afternoon. Nothing I do seems to stop it.  I feel like I’ve lost everything and nothing will bring it back.  I can’t seem to feel or envision Irene....

She had been laying the groundwork for weeks, consciously or subconsciously, by telling everyone that she was getting tired of the fight and the suffering, and we all knew that she was fighting so hard to stay for our sake because she knew how much we all loved her and how much her passing would hurt.  Irene went into the hospital on a day when some of the kids had decided to come up and cook some burgers. I rode in to the hospital with her in the Ambulance, my heart in my throat the whole time. After a scary day in the hospital with her wearing a cpap mask to force oxygen in her, she had gotten much better and had a great time with all the family that was gathered there wearing only her normal oxygen canula. While she was wearing the cpap and having trouble breathing, another daughter, Ivori, and her son Emanuel came to visit. Irene was in and out of consciousness at the time. Crying, Emanuel took her hand and she squeezed it, opened her eyes and as clear as day through the ...