What That Buzzed Sensation Is - Confirmed!!!!
Yesterday afternoon and evening, for whatever reason, was a time I basically just had to distract myself from. I don't know if it was the weather, other people's vibes, something I ate, time of year or what, but my mind was frazzled and my meditations felt superficial. So, I just watched TV, did what work I could, then went to bed.
This morning I woke up in a rather bad mood and wasn't being at all friendly to my spirit team. I suppose I was a little frustrated, even though they reminded me that others, such as those suffering from Hurricane Harvey, have it much, much worse. I knew I was being a bit of a self-centered pill but I really had not answer for it.
Then I noticed Pico, one of my Pekingese, sitting on the floor in front of me, just staring up at the pictures I have of Irene on her "shrine", with this lost and sad look on his face. That just broke my heart. I got up and got a set of pictures I had printed on a foamcore board at set it down where Pico could see his mommy when he lays down there in front of the shrine (which he has taken to doing regularly).
For whatever reason, that completely put me out of my foul mood. I started feeling much better. Then I meditated and quickly hit that "buzzed" sensation again (that I didn't get yesterday), only this time there was a "flavor" to that sensation that was unmistakable - it was Irene, letting me know that the reason I get so buzzed when I meditate now is because we have actually accomplished something as far as us being in closer contact because that sensation, and the "high" or "drunk" sensation I feel, is the sensation of us being in actual contact.
That reminded me about when we first met. When we were together, just touching each other would make us buzzed and give us a drunk or high feeling - it's something we said to each other often. Just holding her while we watched TV with the kids gave me this floating feeling. She wrote in her diary that she was going to need drugs just to keep her feet on the ground. It was like taking drugs every time we came in contact with each other.
Only, this sensation is even more electric and dizzying. I didn't even make the association when I first started feeling it. It's not the same as that mind-blowing sensation I felt a couple of times shortly after she died, but I feel like this is definitely some sort of contact between us. Maybe I can get some kind of confirmation on that? We'll see.
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Holy crap! It's been about an hour since I wrote the above, and I already got confirmation!! I just sat down to eat some yogurt and watch a Netflix show my son recommended - Atypical - and there is a plot line where this girl has been trying to get this boy to notice her, and the boy (who is "spectrum", something along the line of Aspergers or slight Autism) is trying to get a date with pretty much any girl that will agree to it, but he doesn't notice her efforts for what they are. The scene I just saw (but didn't realize was the confirmation at the time) was when he's sitting on the floor of the hallway in his high school with noise cancelling headphones on and she starts talking to him. He finally notices that she's there and says he can't hear her. She talks louder, and he says - matter of factly - that he still can't hear her no matter how loud she speaks. She pokes him and gets him to take off his headphones and asks if he wants to study together, and he responds, oblivious to her advances, that he's already making an A, why would he want to study with her? Dejected, she walks away.
The scene didn't even flutter on my radar until the next scene, which was a tight shot of the same pink Asian tiger lilies that were a big sign from Irene months ago - a whole vase full of that exact flower. That got my attention immediately because I knew Irene must be telling me something. Then I thought, "wait, what was that scene I just watched? Did you just try to show me something? Didn't I ask you for a confirmation about something earlier?" ... so, if you remember the whole tiger lily event, I skipped back just like I did back then and re-watched the previous scene and realized that Irene was confirming that yes, that buzzed feeling in my head when I meditate (kid sitting on the floor, oblivious to everything around him) is what I want it to be (us touching/communicating) because the girl (Irene) is trying to get through to the boy (me) who doesn't realize it's exactly what he wants trying to get through to him, but he's been dismissing it as something else (just being buzzed from meditating).
And more.. just before I sat down to eat, I meditated for about 30 minutes and realized I forgot to mention earlier that during my morning meditation an image of Irene and I dancing popped into my head ... I was dressed Victorian/Western/Steampunk style, and Irene had on this beautiful glowing gown that changed colors with patterns in it that lit up like LED lights. She was very clear visually and it generated a huge emotional (happy) reaction. During the meditation just before I ate, I got to that buzzed feeling again and started imagining touching her - holding her hands, putting our palms against each other, putting my arm around her, dancing in the same outfits, and then - in the same outfits - sitting at a table with our friends playing a card game - and the buzzed feeling became a part of all of that, intensifying and changing as we tried out different things. After thirty minutes I was completely high and felt drunk.
This morning I woke up in a rather bad mood and wasn't being at all friendly to my spirit team. I suppose I was a little frustrated, even though they reminded me that others, such as those suffering from Hurricane Harvey, have it much, much worse. I knew I was being a bit of a self-centered pill but I really had not answer for it.
Then I noticed Pico, one of my Pekingese, sitting on the floor in front of me, just staring up at the pictures I have of Irene on her "shrine", with this lost and sad look on his face. That just broke my heart. I got up and got a set of pictures I had printed on a foamcore board at set it down where Pico could see his mommy when he lays down there in front of the shrine (which he has taken to doing regularly).
For whatever reason, that completely put me out of my foul mood. I started feeling much better. Then I meditated and quickly hit that "buzzed" sensation again (that I didn't get yesterday), only this time there was a "flavor" to that sensation that was unmistakable - it was Irene, letting me know that the reason I get so buzzed when I meditate now is because we have actually accomplished something as far as us being in closer contact because that sensation, and the "high" or "drunk" sensation I feel, is the sensation of us being in actual contact.
That reminded me about when we first met. When we were together, just touching each other would make us buzzed and give us a drunk or high feeling - it's something we said to each other often. Just holding her while we watched TV with the kids gave me this floating feeling. She wrote in her diary that she was going to need drugs just to keep her feet on the ground. It was like taking drugs every time we came in contact with each other.
Only, this sensation is even more electric and dizzying. I didn't even make the association when I first started feeling it. It's not the same as that mind-blowing sensation I felt a couple of times shortly after she died, but I feel like this is definitely some sort of contact between us. Maybe I can get some kind of confirmation on that? We'll see.
---------------
Holy crap! It's been about an hour since I wrote the above, and I already got confirmation!! I just sat down to eat some yogurt and watch a Netflix show my son recommended - Atypical - and there is a plot line where this girl has been trying to get this boy to notice her, and the boy (who is "spectrum", something along the line of Aspergers or slight Autism) is trying to get a date with pretty much any girl that will agree to it, but he doesn't notice her efforts for what they are. The scene I just saw (but didn't realize was the confirmation at the time) was when he's sitting on the floor of the hallway in his high school with noise cancelling headphones on and she starts talking to him. He finally notices that she's there and says he can't hear her. She talks louder, and he says - matter of factly - that he still can't hear her no matter how loud she speaks. She pokes him and gets him to take off his headphones and asks if he wants to study together, and he responds, oblivious to her advances, that he's already making an A, why would he want to study with her? Dejected, she walks away.
The scene didn't even flutter on my radar until the next scene, which was a tight shot of the same pink Asian tiger lilies that were a big sign from Irene months ago - a whole vase full of that exact flower. That got my attention immediately because I knew Irene must be telling me something. Then I thought, "wait, what was that scene I just watched? Did you just try to show me something? Didn't I ask you for a confirmation about something earlier?" ... so, if you remember the whole tiger lily event, I skipped back just like I did back then and re-watched the previous scene and realized that Irene was confirming that yes, that buzzed feeling in my head when I meditate (kid sitting on the floor, oblivious to everything around him) is what I want it to be (us touching/communicating) because the girl (Irene) is trying to get through to the boy (me) who doesn't realize it's exactly what he wants trying to get through to him, but he's been dismissing it as something else (just being buzzed from meditating).
And more.. just before I sat down to eat, I meditated for about 30 minutes and realized I forgot to mention earlier that during my morning meditation an image of Irene and I dancing popped into my head ... I was dressed Victorian/Western/Steampunk style, and Irene had on this beautiful glowing gown that changed colors with patterns in it that lit up like LED lights. She was very clear visually and it generated a huge emotional (happy) reaction. During the meditation just before I ate, I got to that buzzed feeling again and started imagining touching her - holding her hands, putting our palms against each other, putting my arm around her, dancing in the same outfits, and then - in the same outfits - sitting at a table with our friends playing a card game - and the buzzed feeling became a part of all of that, intensifying and changing as we tried out different things. After thirty minutes I was completely high and felt drunk.
That's an incredible confirmation !
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