Love After Life

Today our book, Love After Life, is available on Amazon !  Many thanks to Cyrus Kirkpatrick for his help in facilitating this. Yesterday I had a long conversation on the back porch with my Mom, Dad and brother, Reed, all of whom have crossed over.  I expressed my great gratitude for what they contributed to my life and to my family.  I'm so blessed to have been surrounded by and raised by good people, who have contributed so much to my development mentally/spiritually and who just helped us out when we needed it.  Without them, I have no idea where I'd have wound up in this life. During our talks on the porch, Irene has been putting memories of us in my head of things I had forgotten.  She feels more comfortable doing it now that I'm at a place where I will not crash into grief and can experience those memories happily and joyfully. I have told her to feel free to do so and have given her free access to my mind and physical body.  That's one of the gre...

Here's my two cents worth on the subject of whether or not something is a sign from our loved ones. If you experience something that makes you think it might be a sign from a loved one letting you know they are with you and love you, instead of letting fear (of being wrong) and doubt trouble you, simply make a decision one way or another, but do so in a way that makes either decision help you out in your desire for better contact and communication with the other side. Anything anyone experiences with regard to afterlife communication and contact could have other explanations, even if highly implausible. Afterlife entities usually work through some sort of physical medium in this world - sounds that already exist, animals, light, etc. and arrange or manipulate those things to make contact.  Often it is nothing more than what could be a very unlikely coincidence or string of coincidences. The point here is that most of us are not scientists or attempting to scientifically and obj...

Yesterday I had a little trouble with my mental discipline - ate a little too much, smoked more than two cigarettes - but after a good talk with Irene last night I'm back on track today.  I had another blissful meditation this morning, and it's like getting a concentrated shot of Irene for the day.  It's really incredible.  Had another one just like it in the early afternoon and had to lay down and attempt to astral project due to the totally buzzed feeling.  I didn't astral project, but I did have a good nap. I was surprised by how much I was able to work today.  I remember that before when I went even an hour concentrating on work I'd find myself starting to panic because I hadn't been thinking of Irene. Today I was able to put quite a bit of continuous time at a sitting between walking the dogs and doing my light exercises.  One of my exercises is walking up and down our stairs five round-trips and I started imagining each trip up as a trip up to the ...

Still a bit under the weather today but have felt well enough to keep on track.  While I was sitting outside I was having a bit of a conversation in my head with Irene as if she was sitting beside me when I decided to send her a more focused mental message and immediately, in my mind, she said "Hey, I'm right beside you - you're talking right to me."  I turned my head and these two big black and  yellow butterflies flew into my field of vision right then, the same kind that I've talked about before.  I laughed and said "okay, okay" and in my mind she said "I'm always right here, with you."   I saw a small, empty chip bag being slowly blown down the street in front of my house.  I said to Irene:  "I know you think I should go pick that bag up, but ... nah. Don't wanna."   I went inside. Later in one of the afterlife groups there was a conversation about the same thing and they agreed that our loved ones are always with us -...

This is hilarious and amazing.  So if you have been following, a few days ago while meditation and visualizing Irene, she said ""Well let me introduce you to your spirit guide, Thomas." That was so odd it jumped out at me and I stopped meditating.  I asked for confirmation and got what I thought was an okay confirmation, but not spectacular or all that convincing at the time.  So since then when I talk to my spirit guide (rarely) I refer to him as "Thomas, if that is indeed your name, seeing as you won't provide a good confirmation." It's kind of how I joke around with him. Now, I've got a cell phone, but I hardly ever use it.  When I do I usually have all kinds of spam texts and voice messages I have to delete.  Today I was going to call my friend up to see if he wanted to go to lunch tomorrow and I had about 20 unread text messages, which I usually delete without even looking at.  Mostly they are just charge notifications from my bank. One sta...

Yesterday afternoon and evening, for whatever reason, was a time I basically just had to distract myself from.  I don't know if it was the weather, other people's vibes, something I ate, time of year or what, but my mind was frazzled and my meditations felt superficial.  So, I just watched TV, did what work I could, then went to bed. This morning I woke up in a rather bad mood and wasn't being at all friendly to my spirit team.  I suppose I was a little frustrated, even though they reminded me that others, such as those suffering from Hurricane Harvey, have it much, much worse.  I knew I was being a bit of a self-centered pill but I really had not answer for it. Then I noticed Pico,  one of my Pekingese, sitting on the floor in front of me, just staring up at the pictures I have of Irene on her "shrine", with this lost and sad look on his face.  That just broke my heart.  I got up and got a set of pictures I had printed on a foamcore board at set i...

I think it might be because I got into an argument on a blog and those arguments have always left me feeling emotionally drained and somewhat unstable. I really need to stay away from that - I hadn't done any of that in probably a year and I don't even know why I went back to that blog and engaged. Anyway, I got to missing Irene again today, but feeling sad and crying for a few minutes wasn't really a bad thing.  It got me to thinking about how far we've come, what we've accomplished so far in a very short period of time. It's really remarkable when you think about it. As emotionally committed as I am to her, and as constantly together as we were, and as much as she means to me, the fact that now, four months later, I'm fully happy most of the time is nothing short of astonishing.  I can't overstate this.  I should have been completely destroyed by Irene's death.  I should be inconsolable and utterly miserable all day every day.  There have been da...

I had such a good day yesterday!  I am feeling better and better, more and more confident in our new relationship, in the tools I have to handle emotional problems  and in my new life direction.  What else can I do but follow and pursue what I really love?  Last night I started missing Irene and I said out loud, “I’m starting to feel sad and missing you, baby.” … and it was like someone just waved their hand and removed it from me.  I told Irene what I experienced, and validated it and thanked her.  It was amazing!  I probably don’t have to actually tell her out loud like I do, but I love talking to her out loud anyway and it can’t hurt. I was also thinking last night about how much time I spend meditating and what I'm actually trying to accomplish – making that hyper-real contact with Irene and heaven that NDEers and other spiritual practitioners talk about. I want to spend more time actually meditating for that purpose. This morning I meditated ...

What a good morning!  My morning session was more about being so appreciative of all the amazing blessings I have in my life.  I read over my prior entries as I’m putting them up on a blog and I realized I’ve lost like 10 lbs in 2 months.  I’m still feeling very good and appreciative, been talking with dead family all morning. That's one of my new things - acknowledging and talking to other dead relatives. Hey, I can use all the help I can get. So it’s 1:00 pm and have been feeling sooooo good all day, chatting away with Irene and the other family spirits while I work and putter around the house and I started feeling sad. I started telling myself that is was fine, it’s okay to go through sad times, they’ll pass and everything will be fine again, Irene will still be here, my family will still be here, my loved ones on the other side will still be here, at some point I’ll once again feel that wholeness and joy. I was walking toward my office with sad tears in my eyes a...

I woke up feeling really good, had a good full session, during the meditation felt those old Sant Mat sensations of almost coming out of my body.  I think the new regimen and diet are helping a lot. Irene and I talk a lot about how to manage this relationship. In many ways, it’s a lot like when we first met in this world – well at least on my side of this.  I’m riddled with insecurities, doubt and fear that I’m constantly battling, and need a lot of attention from her to reassure me until I can build some confidence in the new structure. Had a nice talk with Dad, Mom, Irene and Reed (all on the other side) while I was cooking breakfast for Gerra and her son, Jace.  It felt really good. Gerra & Jace & I drove into Waco to take care of some business. It’s great to have people I can talk to about my experiences with Irene and what I’m doing as far as our relationship going forward. Amazingly went through the rest of the day feeling really, really good even ...

This is starting off to be a very bad day, prayed to have the evil or darkness that was making me doubt and fear thrown out, driven  out, prayed for God to work with Irene and I to succeed in our adventure of continuing our relationship after her passing. There is this infection of doubt and fear that it seems I can't drive out and despair is setting in again – I can't find any relief.  Robert had said someone woke him up yesterday morning. He heard a voice say his name and when he got up Shanna was still asleep.  The physical/emotional/psychological aspect of this is just like being sick.  I can feel a 15 second sobbing spurt coming on just like I can feel nausea just before I throw up.. It even feels much like I’m throwing up.  I can feel pain and doubt in me like disease. To find relief I started watching Long Island Medium, one of Irene’s favorite shows, to get my mind on a more positive track.  When I started it this time it it was o...

At some point over the past few days I must have decided to get Ivori to do some gardening.  She’s really been excited about remaking Irene’s pyramid-shaped flower garden in the front yard.  I started outlining a new spot and today farther out in front and she went to buy some flower and gardening stuff for it before she came out.  Irene loves gardening and just didn't have the energy or strength to do it the past few years.  I have this idea forming as to what I want to do in the yard and in the house, kind of move it towards our vision of what we wanted it to be.  It occurs to me to try and get a new roof put on the house - something Irene always wanted to see happen.  It's a miracle we haven't had a problem with the current roof.  It's pretty bad. Ivori was really excited when she found all the gardening stuff on sale and on clearance and texted me pictures. I told her that was another special thing about Irene – every time I went to the store to...

I woke up about 2:30 in the morning.  Wasn’t in pain, actually felt okay emotionally.  About 10 minutes after I woke up Ivori texted me saying they had been up all night trying to fix plumbing – something I remember Irene and I doing a few times at our previous house.  I decided I’d better put some food in my stomach and take a couple more pills before I went back to sleep, so I heated up  a tortilla, sat down and turned on the TV.  Right at that point the Cowboys were next in line to make their first draft pick.  I couldn't believe it and laughed out loud thanking Irene. The pain meds  for my tooth seem to be dulling my emotional pain as well. I can feel it back in the background like a giant rabid bear ready to tear me apart, but it stays in the background as I function the rest of the day.  I pick up one of our other daughters, Freya, to bring her out  to the house for a visit. After I took her home, there was a song on the radio ...

Jessie, Robert's daughter (our granddaughter) came by to look through Irene’s things and she was looking for a particular little bottle that Irene used to tell her, when she was little, that a genie would come out of if she opened it. She looked through the bottles but couldn’t find it. Finally she just said that she really wanted that little bottle and was then led right to it in the nick-knacks where she didn’t think it was.  She also found the Batgirl mask that had been missing - we had looked all through that stuff when we were searching for it! I playfully talked to Irene about her hide-and-seek game with the mask, validating her.  I realize I may mistake a coincidence for a deliberate event, but she knows I'm doing the best I can.  I'd rather validate mistakenly than not say anything at all, if for nothing else to let her know I appreciate all she's doing. Today I have felt so good about things.  I’m much, much more comfortable with our (Irene and my) ...