Love After Life

With the perspective of now over two years of developing and achieving a very fulfilling relationship with Irene, I have a better grip on what I was actually doing the whole time - and still am.  I understand it better because I have a better understanding of what is going on and how it all works - what the different levels of existence are and represent, how it all takes place in mind and - essentially - my external world is a reflection of my internal world. What I have been building is a fully developed  psychological  life with Irene, one where she and I share the same physical space psychologically - in other words, in our minds.  The only distinction between now and the way it was before she crossed over is that I have what is called "cognitive blindness" when it comes to interacting with her in my external-world experience.  Simply put, she doesn't register in my usual external physical senses, so we have been developing our connection and interaction...

Over the past few days I've had one of the most incredible and game-changing series of synchronistic events I've experienced yet. It started with reading some thing from a couple of different sources that, for whatever reason, caused me to start thinking that maybe I was taking up too much of Irene's time by constantly talking to her and doing visualizations with her two or three times a day.  Looking back on it, that kind of doubt and thinking seems entirely out of my character. I went to be after that and did not do my usual visualizations in order to "free up" some of Irene's time.  It just sounds so ridiculous now, but the chain of events that followed shows that this was all set up to produce an effect - and what an effect!  When I woke up the next day I felt like crap - the worst I've felt in a long time.  Not grief, but actually sad. I literally have not felt sadness in almost a year now. So, Irene and I were talking about it, and she was telling me...

There are some really cool things I've come to know about the transdimensional situation Irene and I are in - why we chose to live this life, what we are doing now, and what it means for our future.  I don't claim that this applies to anyone else, so if it resonates, great, if it starts making you feel conflicted or upset, just stop reading and ignore it. Irene and I are eternally together.  We are perfectly whole together and painfully incomplete apart.  No one else will do for either of us.  I'd say we were fortunate to have understood and experienced this in our life, but luck didn't have anything to do with it.  We planned all of this before we came here, and we have been monitoring it the whole time. There was a time period after Irene crossed over that I didn't understand why we would do this - come here, forget everything, spend 30+ years apart, have all these challenges including pain, financial stress, all the countless distractions, and then go thr...

In the course of working on our future together in the astral, Irene and have been talking about and exploring different systems by which to enjoy our eternal everlife together.  Something we've been working on for a long time, which has its roots in something we we experienced here in life, is what we call "the amnesia experience," where one of us has a temporary bout of amnesia and gets to encounter the other as if for the first time for a brief duration.  We already had a few of models for enjoying this experience worked out when we started exploring the idea of having a "second life" in an adventure game world where all we would have no memory of our astral lives for the duration of our pre-set time to play. In other words, when we entered the adventure game world, we would have an ongoing life there in and of itself. I started thinking it would be cool if, when we entered the game world we would be "waking up", and when exiting we would be ...

As the sun was going down yesterday (which is pretty early - around 6:00), I had set the Hopper to pause before Wheel of Fortune came on and, is our daily routine, sat on the porch for a smoke and to talk with Irene.  As usual, I sit in a comfy lawn chair, my arm around the back of the chair next to me (where Irene sits) with my feet up on another chair in front of me as we look out at the view through the porch windows, chatting. I was telling her how much I love her - out loud, which is how I've been talking to her for the most part since she crossed over. I felt a twinge of sorrow, something I haven't felt in a long time.  I switched over to mental talking because, back when I was still recovering from the pain, I found I could easily say those things to her mentally without triggering those painful emotions. She drew my attention to this, so I repeated what I was saying out loud and the twinge of sorrow came up again, whereas I could say the same things to her mental...

For quite a while now I've been trying to articulate an information download I got during one of my hypnagogic experiences some time ago.  From time to time I've written a little about it here in the blog and elsewhere, but for the most part I've just tried to ignore it. It was for the most part just troublesome and confusing and didn't really serve my interest as far as increasing my connection to Irene and setting up our "afterlife" connection. As time passed, though, I started seeing how this information, properly articulated, could actually help me in that goal.  After more processing of the ideas I expressed in my last post, and a whole slew of synchronistic events supporting the direction of the development of those ideas, plus some more information I've gleaned from whatever source while talking with Irene, I've put together a model of existence that basically turns most cosmological models inside-out.  Perhaps some others might find it useful...

The other day when Irene and I were talking I realized I hadn't sent  her a card on the anniversary of the day we met - January 9th - and told her I was going to send her one and jokingly asked "Why don't you send me one, too?"   Immediately an emotional understanding came across me; the radiant flower she had been drawing in her coffee cup since the day after she crossed over was in fact her giving me a card that said "I love you and I'm with you always!" every single day.  Someone in one of the afterlife groups made the comment that what we were doing on Earth was raising our vibration to move our universe closer to the astral to make it more like the astral.  For whatever reason that stuck in my mind and I started wondering what that would look from our point of view.  As regular readers know, I don't think we actually change the world per se, but rather just move vibrationally from one version of Earth to others, so to speak.  Or, another way t...

The past couple of days have been pretty hectic.  I went down to Gerra's in Austin to help her out while she gave birth to my 13th (I think? Losing count!) grandchild, Kyra Irene Murray, named after Irene.  Pico and Marley (my two Pekingese) and I headed down there Wednesday and she was born at 11:23 pm.  We've been bunked up at Gerra's and doing whatever we can to make her life a little easier right now. We had several signs from Irene Weduesday.  Gerra asked for some signs and when she turned on the television one of the teams on Family Feud was named "Howell", which is Irene's maiden name.  Then on another show there was the name "Kyra" all lit up and blinged out.  Her friend Amy, who was there the whole time, said she had been talking to Irene a lot and was relying on her help about when to drive to Austin and what to do and when. For myself, I've been utterly amazed at how well things have gone as far as getting around in Austin, fin...

About a year before Irene crossed over she got the last piece of her puzzle from the dream she had of us; the black truck.  She joked then that she must be about to die because "Now I have everything." I generally drive around a couple a times a week in that truck doing local errands like going to the store or the post office basically to keep it in running condition, but mostly to feel help me feel connected to Irene.  We were probably out and around driving together in that truck only two or three times, but seeing that truck parked beside my driveway is a comfort. My daughter Ivori and my grandson Emanuel were over yesterday, and Emanuel asked about the truck.  I knew what he was getting at - he just got his driver's license.  I know he and Irene had talked about the truck; she and I had talked about it and that if things went that way, he should get to drive it if he still wanted it. However, shortly after she died someone brought it up and I said that I was ...

The subtitle on this blog reads [used to read, now I've changed it - WJM] : "My attempt to develop a fulfilling relationship with my soul-mate after she passed from the physical."  Amazingly, I now have a fulfilling relationship with Irene even though she has crossed over. That relationship is as good now, if not even better, than it was before.  I say "even better" because we have seen it not only survive but grow stronger because of this challenge.  Sometime during the day yesterday I realized that I have actually accomplished what I originally set out to do, but I have already expanded the scope of what I wish to achieve if possible. Originally, I was only keeping track of all the signs and messages that Irene was sending.  When I realized the only way I would be able to survive her passing was if I could keep our relationship and contact alive, I turned that into a journal, mainly to remind myself during dark times that there were times when I did feel who...

Irene plays music a lot in my head now and I love it. I wake up to it, and every now and then I realize I'm listening to one of "our" songs in my mind, or some other song. I woke up this morning to "Forever and For Always" by Shania Twain, and that put me in quite a happy place.  Imagine that - five months later and I can listen to "our" songs without always breaking down in sorrow missing her, but rather smile with happiness. That's not an accomplishment to be taken lightly.  I also realized I had stopped leaving the televisions on for her to watch (I figure they probably get TV in Heaven if they want to watch it).  I also can turn off all the lights now. I still feel a lump at times when I feel she's near (not every time, but sometimes), but we're working on that.  I want to feel delight and joy whenever she's near and zero pain or sorrow. That's part of our "fun and light-hearted" plan going forward - to "normal...

I had a good day yesterday even though I felt somewhat under the weather all day and had people over all day long.  I drank coffee out on the swing and talked to Irene instead of smoking and that was great. She and I are still developing and refining our ability to communicate and I'm trying to "tune in" to her frequency even while not meditating.  This is probably going to be a long-term effort.  Yesterday during the football game tuned in to her and sent her a mental image to let her know I was thinking of her and that I love her. Today I've been feeling even more under the weather and even had to take a nap.  I hope I don't get too sick from whatever this is. Yesterday and today I've been looking to make our interactions and my self-talk and talk with Irene more light-hearted and fun.  I asked her to take me to do some fun things in the astral when I meditated and I found us going to some sort of permanent carnival/fair with rides by the ocean, with a giant...

Watching that "You're Still The One" video by Shania Twain got me to thinking about some of the structure of our lives and how improbable it all was.  That song came out in 1997 and we immediately adopted it as another "our song", seven years after we got together.  We never watched music videos so we never saw that video. We also never even thought much about the beach, much less living by the beach.  Twenty years later, after Irene passes, it comes to me that our place in the astral is by the beach, that it would be the perfect place for us given what I think our astral lives would be like.  It just clicked, even though in this life I've never really been much of a beach or ocean guy.   Then yesterday, when I saw that video for the first time, when she sings "Looks like we made it," at the beginning of the song, the image is a house by the beach, and the whole song is about "finally making it" together, and the whole thing looks like...

Apparently we have some bad weather rolling in.  I'm several hundred miles from the Texas coast but hurricane Harvey is apparently already having a widespread effect.  It or something has affected me mentally so I'm basically taking the day off.  We said our prayers and did a couple of short meditations and my brain is so fried that I decided to just watch TV and take it easy from any heavy thinking or responsibilities other than work. One thing that struck me today while meditating, quickly.  I notice it is really easy to imagine certain parts of our "island home" in the astral, and I also noticed a couple of surprising things Irene said and did when I was imagining us together there.  Maybe more about it tomorrow, I just wanted to remind myself here.

This morning I was thinking more about what I wrote about yesterday and realized that what we've accomplished here in just four months is nothing short of miraculous, every bit as miraculous as it would be for me to astral project and be able to see, hear and touch Irene again. For those of you who may not have ever experienced the kind of grief you experience after the love of your life dies (not necessarily your spouse; it could be a child, parent or someone else), that deep and profound pain is unlike anything else. For many, it ruins everything for pretty much the rest of their lives. As my friend who lost his child told me, you never experience joy again without also feeling the pain of that loss. That kind of grief carries with it an entirely different way of experiencing the world. Even when you feel good, you feel the loss and you also often feel guilty for feeling good. If you aren't thinking about your loved one for even a small time, you're heartbroken about ...

Had a good session in the morning.  Later after Gerra and Jace left, started feeling like I was sinking (it is a bit of a pattern) so I meditated a while and stopped it.  The rest of the day was normal to manageable. Towards the evening I was thinking about how much of a commitment I was going to make towards meditating and what my actual goal was – to actually reach Irene, or to make my existence here enjoyable and functional while I am here - meaning that while I might not actually be able to leave my body and join her in spirit/astral and interact with her there, I could at least keep our connection high, allowing me to get through the rest of this life as happily as possible. I fell asleep thinking about this.